Monthly Archives: August 2019

Today’s Word is… ACCOMMODATE

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Real. 

So one of my biggest struggles is accommodating people.  I’m a bit of a loner, kinda impulsive and move accordingly.  One might just say that’s a fear of commitment, but I don’t believe that to be so; I’m a relationship guy…when I feel like it.  You know, typical Gemini shit. Sometimes I want to be laid up with somebody’s daughter watching episodes of Love it or List It placing friendly wagers on who is going to win.  I like going on dates, taking weekend getaways, cooking dinner for two.  And other times, I just want to play Madden, write 5 blog posts I’ll abandon halfway through, look up realize its 7pm and I haven’t eaten and go grab a 4 for $4. (It’s not as sad as it sounds).  I like being able to make plans next weekend because I know we ain’t got plans next weekend.  Buy ONE ticket, go out and come home when I damn well please, sprawl out in my bed, listen to trap music by some little nigga I should be a little ashamed to know, watch a mediocre action movie without explaining the plot or where that one actor is from, they look sooo familiar.   You’re not trying to be difficult, you just happen to want two very different things.  And so, one day you’re boo’d up and the next, you’re rolling your eyes and swiping away notifications because you don’t want to be bothered today. Or this week.  Actually, make it two.

I don’t think I’m necessarily unique, most people struggle with wanting their freedom with convenient companionship.  I’ve said countless times on here, everyone wants the security of a relationship, with none of the responsibilities of one. Relationships require sacrifice, require communication, require accommodation.  Even the not so necessarily defined ones.  The freedom of singledom is just too good to relinquish; full time employment, full time partnership…it can deadass feel like having two jobs sometimes.  The more restrictive a relationship feels, the more one craves freedom.

But then there’s the other side of it, where one might feel burdensome, annoying, and hurt because they…don’t feel that way about you.  They don’t feel like they need space from you.  In fact, they feel like they have too much.  They understand how you feel, or so they say.  But they don’t necessarily like it.  So they retreat into cool girl/guy mode.  They’re totally down to sit quietly and read as you game, they never heard of this artist but they’d totally go to the concert if you ask, they’ll ask to hang with you and your friends,  they don’t care what y’all are having for dinner, or what y’all are watching, or that they aren’t even doing things they like to do anymore.  You didn’t feel like accommodating them, so they just accommodate you. All the time.  They’ve become lost…in you. They don’t care, they just want to be with you. They don’t care, they just want to be with you. They don’t care, they just want to be with you. They don’t care, they just want to be with you.

But fear not, this doesn’t have to be life, provided you find the right balance. You can communicate how you need space while making sure their need for intimacy and affection are met.  (But then, you gotta reassure them 17 times because they’re never not gonna take it personally when you don’t want to be bothered…or so I hear.)  There’s Plan B where you just stay single because you know they aren’t going anywhere so you can enjoy the freedom of singledom but have a +1 when you need it. But that is not nice and it’s heavily frowned upon.  Be best and shit.  Or simply, if you are a person who needs space, you find someone else who does and y’all live happily ever after in adjoining houses that you bought on some HGTV show that some other couple who willingly wants to be up under each other all the time are watching and judging how two people can love each other but want separate homes.  Just gotta find what works.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… JOY

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So we’re about 2 weeks in since that Popeye’s sandwich broke the internet (I have yet to try, I don’t do long lines or mayonnaise) and we’ve reached the part of the program where the fun police have pulled up.  It isn’t even white people this time, it’s coming from within because even some black people are just so unfamiliar with black joy they just feel the need to stomp it down.  They regurgitate the same rhetoric as racist whites; we can stand in line for chicken but not to vote or get a job.  Followed by their favorite punctuation “but y’all ain’t ready for that conversation”.  No, you aren’t. You only had one point, you made it.  You have no follow ups.  Admittedly, do I cringe at some of these videos of people actually fighting and wyling out because Popeye’s ran out? Yes.  I’m not usually the one who cares about what the fuck *we* are doing in public, but it’s like come on son, y’all grown as fuck.  But as I’ve said before about Jordans, chains, Black Panther, and whatever “distraction” seems to be trending amongst we niggas, we can walk and chew gum at the same time.  There’s more to life than hyper focusing on our own oppression.

It’s also just patently false.  Black people turn out as much as any other electorate,  black people support black businesses (because I mean who the fuck else is), and Popeye’s is a nationally recognized fast food chain, Black Twitter didn’t discover them.  Black people aren’t being held back by lack of discipline, it’s the, you know, actual racism.  Woke police are quick to shame and belittle their own people on social media platforms they don’t own, from their iPhones not remotely seeing the irony.  We’re already black in America and can’t even make jokes about a sandwich without some nigga in a patchy beard saying we let the culture down.  Black joy isn’t a distraction from the ultimate goals, it’s a distraction from the fucked up world we’re living in.  Some people rather watch videos of us being beaten, harassed and killed everyday, I can’t do it.  That doesn’t mean it isn’t on my mind, it just means I rather be laughing than crying right now.  I’m never not aware that I’m a middle class? black man in America. I know where the racism is if I’m ever looking for it.

Woke police aspire to be “the talented tenth” but all they’ve picked up is how to scold and present themselves as superior.  They don’t want liberation, they want to be in charge.  So much so, they are jealous of a fucking sandwich garnering more attention that they can ever dream of.  Joy is revolutionary.  Finding, embracing, sharing while Woke Police go out of their way to try and remind us of our place.  The assumption that we must not know better is the same inherent anti blackness they claim to fight against.  Patronizing suggestions of polling places in Popeye’s because apparently niggas just never had the incentive to vote in the 50 years we’ve been legally allowed to (in most of the country).  But I mean, if they wanna have food at polling places besides them terrible baked goods, I’ll take a 3 pc spicy with a Warren/Castro and a No on Question 1.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… CAPITALIST

[Editors Note: So yeah, been a while…let’s see if I still remember how to do this]

I’m rooting for everybody black…

What I love most about black people is how much we love US.  Problems exist in our community like any other community but it’s still ours.  When one of us wins, it’s like we all win.  Fictive kinship, it’s why your grandmother has a picture of Obama in the living room like he’s a blood relative (and why you need to explain to her that we is not doing this Biden shit…but that’s another topic for another day).  It’s why Black Panther made 1.3 billion dollars.  It’s why I watch Family Feud and root for the black family like they’re my own.  It feels good to see someone like us win, because we know how damn hard it is to do so. It’s also tribal mentality, because behind every black person excelling there’s some racism trying to pull them down so even if you don’t bang with homie like that (Woods, Tiger) you feel compelled to defend and ride for them.  And then there’s where fictive kinship and tribal mentality collide; with the notion of “black capitalism”.

Society as a whole struggles with capitalism, most view the rich as aspirational and not as the problem.  They’ve deluded themselves to think that they aren’t successful because they aren’t working hard enough and that eventually it’ll pay off.   It’s two-fold with black people because not only as rich black people #goals but we’re also careful not to critique too harshly especially around (white people) company.  We view the Oprahs, Diddys and Hovs as one of us, white people don’t give a fuck about Jeff Bezos. There’s also the sentiment that once THEY get to the peak they gon take care of the rest of us.  So last week when it was announced that Jay-Z and the NFL would be entering a new partnership, the reactions split between wait, wtf and fist pump.  Once again comes the fictive kinship, Hov having a seat at the table means *we* have a seat at the table. People believe he couldn’t dare sell out Kaepernick (even though he sold “Occupy All Streets” shirts and kept the profits, convinced Dame Dash to sell him his share of Roc A Wear for $22M when he knew there was a $200M offer on the table, willingly became the face of Brooklyn Nets as they drove people out of Brooklyn for the new arena..but he’s made some documentaries.) there has to be some larger scale plan.  Jay Z in a room with a bunch of white 1%ers? I’m riding with Hov…but the reality is, he’s a billionaire in a room with other billionaires. He’s not an outsider.  He has more in common with them, then us. Sure he agrees with us that police brutality is fucked up but he’s also of the belief that if we just bought our own hoods then we wouldn’t be in this position.  Or you can look at it as simply, the NFL was in need of serious PR with black people, were willing to pay a hefty price for it and Hov was right there willing to take the bag.  Immoral? Yes. But also, just capitalism.

What’s better than one billionaire? Two…especially when they’re the same hue as you…

Rooting for everybody black is great when it’s award shows and movie casting, but when you expand it to capitalism, it’s not quite the same.  Capitalism exists as a heirarchy, to have winners and losers.  A black billionaire isn’t much different than a white one in that they’ve gotten there destroying competitors, overcharging customers, underpaying labor, tax loopholes, etc…there’s not many honest ways to a billion dollars.  It’s not how the system is intended to work.  To exist as a privileged class, there must be an underprivileged one being exploited.  So, with all that being said why do we love black 1%ers so much?  Maybe we’ve convinced ourselves it isn’t so bad and that we can do it too if we don’t sleep and grind everyday.  Or maybe like rooting for that random black family on Family Feud, we know there’s no net benefit for us and it’s just cool to watch.

-Stan-

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