April 23, 2016. I, like many fellow members of society had turned it to HBO because Beyonce was doing a thing. No one knew what the thing was, but she was doing a thing. That thing would be Lemonade, a visual album of emotional, personal…yeah yeah, Hov did WHAT?!? was largely the takeaway. In the time since, he done told his side of the story (4:44), and they done wrapped it all up in a neat but not great bow (Everything is Love) but publicly, at least for Hov, it was different. Now, for better or worse any and everything he does is linked to that moment everyone watched Lemonade. From the new hairstyle (which I personally believe he’s only doing because her MCM, LeBron cannot. Also, his hair is waaaay too dark for someone who is damn near 50 and we just don’t talk about it), to the awkward looking photographs, to getting washed on APESHIT, Jay Z who has always carried himself as cooler than thou has been humbled (except when he’s talking to and about anything other than his wife. This nigga told us to “enjoy our chains” like, last week). It falls into all the cliches of happy wife happy life, ball and chain, etc. where a man simply loses himself to a woman. To quote Young(er) Hov, me give my heart to a woman? Not for nothing never happen, I’ll be forever macking.
Big Pimpin’ was nearly 20 years ago (feel old). It’s what you say and think when you’re damn near 30. (Granted, I’m not at a Big Pimpin phase in MY life , but rappers and athletes typically act about 6 years younger than they are anyway). Holding Jay Z to that standard is ridiculous. We grow, we change, and contrary to popular belief it’s not because a woman is forcing us to. It’s time we disabused ourselves of this common myth that men are being forced out the game like that one dude at the Y who swears he was going to play ball overseas before his MCL sprain. Jay Z was in bed holding ankles long before he got caught cheating and exposed on premium cable. I’ve definitely canceled plans with friends to go lay up and watch a bad movie. All men have, no matter how too cool they want to come off.
And so, it got me thinking of other “couple” things that men need to stop lying about enjoying. It’s not just sex, blunts and Power, my guy. Nothing wrong with being a little headass with the one you love. Let that toxic masculinity go. Let’s be saps together…
Headass things couples do that men love more than they care to admit:
Watching terrible reality TV
Watching terrible Christmas movies
Let her steal your clothes
Share Shade Room posts
Post aforementioned pictures
Let her pop that pimple
Have company over
Actually celebrate Valentine’s Day
Let her dress you
Bring her to the barbershop**
Go apple picking
Go ice skating
Lunch break phone calls
Sit in the same side of the booth
Plan out but never follow up on a podcast/YouTube channel
Celebrate month anniversaries even though anni- clearly implies a year
Go to IKEA
Meet family members
Give Pet Names
Miss the game
Let her leave stuff at your place
*I will say that I will always be too cool to dress alike and judge couples who do. I don’t even like matching by accident. Someone gotta change. We can complement; red/black, blue/yellow. Even same color different shades is too close. Someone gotta change.
**It’s only cute the first time.
To quote Hov again, you’re too old to be frontin when you’re feeling Denzel
and acting like she ain’t appealing. That was 15 years ago (feel old again), 4 years after Big Pimpin, 1 year into the relationship because being too cool is lonely. You gotta lie to kick it. Love is fun, silly and kinda headass. Embrace and enjoy it for what it is.
Just don’t dress alike, that’s still corny.