Gather round boys and girls, it’s storytime…
It was a typical February night. I was talking to my boo about my day, the Celtics were on the TV on mute, I had suggested we go to a game together and started looking up tickets. It had gotten late and I was headed to bed, and I ended the conversation like I had ended so many before, I ask for her to tell me something good, I share something good and tell her goodnight (written out, I sound headass). However, this night was no ordinary night, little did I know I would never hear from her again. Little did I know, I was about to be… ghosted. The next morning, I reached out like I usually did, a few times throughout the day. No response, but I thought nothing of it. The day after, more of the same. I call her and there’s no answer. Suddenly I’m Mr Biggs in the Contagious video (speaking of, it’s completely ridiculous HE came home late, didn’t hear her home, rode around calling her mama probably scaring her half to death only to find her in their damn room…Mr Biggs must’ve been lit). I don’t even know what I did but I apologize anyway and again not even a word. I decide to give her some space then (like I had a choice). A week turns into a month. I may or may not have had some Crown one night and wrote an email letting her know how I REALLY felt about her and still no response. Word? A few months go by, it’s my birthday, I mean she gotta reach out on my birthday, give a nigga an HBD at least? Nope. At this point, it’s safe to assume that she’s dead. I know I can still see her on IG on my other account but still, she’s dead. Got mauled by a bear. Sad. I used to love H.E.R.
(Spoiler Alert: She comes back a few months after that, she says that *redacted* and she just couldn’t *redacted* and she’s sorry. I forgave her for a month and then ghosted her. God’s working on all of us.)
Ghosting has been a discussion point lately, largely thanks to Insecure aka Black Twitter: Civil War. Ghosting has always existed in dating; break ups are awkward, it’s easier to just fall off the face of the earth and wait for her to get the message. Back in the day, a man will go out for a pack of smokes and just never be seen again. (Meanwhile millennials and swipe apps shoulder the blame for this trend). These days, you just block, delete and they no longer exist, unless you’re like me and tend to run into them after the fact. Karma stay getting at ya boy. (Not that I would ever do that anymore, I’m saved.)
The argument against ghosting; it’s inconsiderate, rude, immature and a shitty thing to do to someone you know at least likes you like a little bit. It’s not easy to tell someone you’re done here but it’s also not that hard to do. If ol girl had broke up with me that night, it would’ve sucked. I would’ve been hurt, but not as hurt as I was all those months feeling like I was nothing more than words on a screen. (Studio audience awwwws). When she came back I was clearly still hurt by the ghosting more than I even thought I was. Then I think about times where I did get that call, text, conversation and turns out, still sucked and maybe I was better off thinking they were mauled by a bear than knowing why they don’t want me anymore. It’s a double edged sword and the point remains that they don’t want you and there’s no nice way to stomach that. Ask Cavaliers fans.
The argument for ghosting; we’re adults, life sucks, and no one owes you an explanation why they don’t want to speak to you anymore. You can post all the memes and tweets about how it’s emotional underdevelopment but that immature person still left you on read and you’re sick about it. Bloop bloop and shit. Sometimes you just…can’t anymore. You’re tired of not being heard, you’re tired of explaining yourself, maybe they just need to feel your absence. I think in an era where connections are made through an app it’s easy to block, delete and forget. These days people ghost because simply they can, they got bills, Trump is President, and y’all just been on a few dates they don’t even know you enough to like you, take those abandonment issues up with a therapist. It’d be nice to have closure, but sometimes you just got to eat the L.
As someone who has ghosted and been ghosted, I would say my final verdict is…it depends. You know who you’re dealing with, you know how serious or otherwise your relationship is. You shouldn’t explain yourself to everybody but you shouldn’t explain to nobody either. You also have to look at yourself, if you find yourself getting “ghosted” often you might be overvaluing your place in people’s lives or misreading signals. Most “ghosts” aren’t from left field no matter what you try to tell friends in the group text. If you are a serial ghoster…well, just stop being an asshole.