Monthly Archives: October 2017

Today’s Word is… TIME

From the moment I first saw them, I just knew it was something special. I found myself going to bed later and later, wanting to talk to anyone about them, it was so unlike my usual routine. I had gotten hooked, happily so. After a while, the luster of new faded as it typically does but I found myself still very much in this for the long haul. Even as I noticed it was not as good as the beginning, we’d been through so much, we would make it through this. And so I labored…wondering if I was in it because I thought it would be good again or because I put so much into it I just didn’t want to accept the L. Maybe I was just holding on to fit in with my friends who were seemingly as happy as they’ve ever been. But I wasn’t happy. Maybe, it was me. What was I missing? I didn’t even see the good anymore, I found myself just nitpicking everything to the point that I just had to accept I couldn’t do this anymore… And so, I just ghosted. One week turned to two then a month and it was over. I had reclaimed my time. I had chose ME. I had quit watching The Walking Dead.

Sometimes, you just got to know when to let go and accept that while you wasted your time, it’s not coming back and there’s no need to waste more. Time wasters don’t care, they will use up all the time allotted to them. The Walking Dead may run for 10 more seasons if people continue to watch the same mediocrity, she’ll keep accepting dates as long as you keep asking, he’ll keep telling you “he’s not ready” as long as you believe him. You don’t value the time, why should they?

I say that as someone who’s been time waster and wastee. Pretending I can be just a friend, pretending I’m still interested but just been busy, taking numbers knowing we never going to link up. Why? (cuz Gemini, probably) I guess because I didn’t look at it as time wasting, they’re just texts. They don’t even cost 10¢ like back in the day… They’re literally worthless. We can text while talking in 5 other groupchats, Twitter and a Facebook group, but while I may view it as an empty gesture,to others it may mean the world.

To quote Einstein*, time is relative… You may feel like you are putting your all into something, but really you aren’t doing anything. You think you’re dating someone and really you just text her wyd everyday and y’all hang out occasionally. Then she actually meets someone and you’re feeling played. Or maybe you’ve been in a “relationship” for years with someone who tells their friends, “y’all cool”. even just asking someone out, only for it to end with a church hug and a “I don’t think this is going to work” text.

not what he meant*

In a those cases, yes you put forth some effort only to not get the desired outcome and so you feel like they wasted your time. But to them they just answered a message and agreed to a date they didn’t force you to ask them on. So why you so mad? See, it’s relative*.

Again, totally not what he meant*

Whether it’s me with Walking Dead, dude in the friend zone, shorty in the one sided relationship, we all know what we signed up for and why we did. All hoping for a change, hoping that we didn’t waste our time. But we did, so then what? You can feel deceived, frustrated, angry… But that in itself is a waste of time. Just cut your losses because no matter how bad you want them to; they won’t care. (They may or may not just text Drake lyrics back). They’re going to screenshot you and laugh in the group chat. Don’t do it to yourself.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… JORDANS

I haven’t owned a pair of Jordans since the 90s. As I said the other day, I wasn’t even that big of a fan. And I learned pretty early that I could cop 2 pairs of sneakers for the price of one pair of J’s. These shoes were gonna have to last the year and I had to game the system. Now, I’m about to get a pair. Maybe 3. Not because I’ve suddenly become a Jordan fan (it’s still fuck him for the most part) but because fuck respectability economics. The Air Jordan sneaker has become a symbol of black economic waste; never mind systemic racism, black people can’t get ahead but got them J’s tho. This anti black pathology has trickled down amongst our own, particularly the blavity blacks, who love praising the Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerbergs for being rich but not indulging in material things (those “generic” tees and hoodies retail for $900 hemmed with the hair of mermaids, so shut up) meanwhile hood blacks can’t get it together because they are too busy trying to look wealthy than be it. It gives false credence to the idea that only ignorant black people allow themselves to be suckered into capitalism like Susan and Spencer ain’t about to be camping outside Best Buy next month for a Vizio. Maybe we just want a pair of Jordans, because we work hard and want something for ourselves. You’re not the talented tenth because you wear Sketchers. (never trust a black man in Sketchers). Then last week, Amanda Seales of woke phi woke inc, the MTV VJ (and self proclaimed sneakerhead) turned 5th billed actress on Insecure added fuel to the flames recently by getting on Twitter and ranting about how having Jordans and Nike suits but not having a passport means you’re losing in life.

Now, I have a passport. Perhaps the wrong one because mine didn’t come with plane tickets, hotel deals, at least bout 7 personal days, food or drinks. Nope, my passport is just a regular ID booklet with an awkward picture because after the first 2 didn’t come out right I’m self conscious so I just took what was given. Yes, it is access. Yes, it’s something good to have. No, it doesn’t make you more worldly more cultured or somehow superior to your Jordan donning peers. Blavity Blacks and the likes love to move the goalposts in that way, just far enough that they can reach it and then establish it as the standard. But the goalposts can be moved on them just as easily, “you’re flying to another country, making some hotel owner richer, barely leave the resort and now think you’ve seen the world”,”you visited, but did you study abroad tho”, “you flew 12 hours and not first class…you’re losing”. It’s tacky and ridiculous and wish it would stop. Everyone doesn’t aspire to travel just as everyone can’t be an entrepreneur selling witty t shirts and body butters (see, now I’m doing it… Hurt people hurt people). Let people live.

We can all probably prioritize better. I’m not standing in line for Jordans (I do really hate the optics of that) but I’ve certainly opened my Mint app on a Monday morning and got a “oh no baby what is you doing?”. I’ve taken out $200 at the ATM only to look in my wallet the next day as and see a 20, 8 ones and bout 6 dollars in change. In that regard, a pair of Jordans actually is a better expense than one night of overpriced overwatered drinks. That money could’ve been better utilized like Bruce Wayne could use his money and influence to fix Gotham instead of running around beating up the mentally disabled, yet here we are.

It’s…. cute to think the very real income gap can be solved by buying cheaper sneakers but it isn’t. The problem is capitalism has to have winners and losers to work, the problem is after the great depression white families were given homes and black families were put in housing, the problem is I make 30% less than a white counterpart while having the same expenses. But that doesn’t matter, cuz I got some J’s tho (I didn’t actually get them, Jordans are ugly. Fight me.)

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… CUFFIN’

The cuffing season phenomenon is interesting to see in real time. After spending the whole summer pretending to be savages, it’s now time to settle down for a few months. Human beings don’t actually have mating seasons, so it’s somewhat of a placebo affect… Colder weather, more time indoors, desire to spend that time with someone. The end of the year has you in a more reflective state, you have that “epiphany” and do a light contact purge because the days are literally shorter and you have to reclaim as much of them as possible. Personally, I always preferred to date in spring/summer because I’m a dater; when the weather is nice I like going out doing things and knowing who my +1 is going to be. I can Netflix and chill by my damn self. (Stop asking me if I’m still watching you know damn well I am). I much rather be single at Thanksgiving than at a wedding. Don’t worry about who I’m seeing, worry about that soggy ass stuffing no one is eating.

But no one listens to me. So they fall for the cuffing season traps; they panic and spend $63 on e harmony only to find out all the men there look like preachers, they book that flight to homecoming to see the same ex they haven’t wanted in a decade, join that beard group on Facebook. Granted, I’ve fallen for it too. I think this time last year I found myself on a date with a white woman who was entirely too into her improv troupe. Then there was the one who lied about her age. And the vegan. Then the “celibate” one. Then I shot my shot at a friend. (it missed, badly) Then the one who said I wasn’t her type but was willing to try this out anyway. and it was obvious that the “cuffing season” got me. (and with the last one it clearly got her too). All in the name of I don’t want to be single anymore. Just trying to be the “good guy” who is about more than wyd and come thru texts. I could’ve just saved time and money just finding other ways to occupy my time. Like working out and watching Westworld.

Love is dope, as are relationships… When they happen organically for the right reasons. You may already find yourself mid cuff and have to ask the hard questions like, do you really like this person or just hate dating? Do they even like you or just hate dating? Do they like pineapple on their pizza? Is there a future here? Or are you just killing time until peak cuffing season after New Years. (studies* show that after new year’s day, suddenly the list goes from 6’+ to “taller than me”, the distance radius goes from 25 mi to I think I prefer long distance relationships, and all pictures get rotated out to snapchat filtered ones)

*There are no studies

Ultimately, the problem with the idea of cuffing season is not dissimilar to moving back home for a bit or taking a job just to be working again. You look up and it’s been 2 years and you’re no closer to moving out because all your money is going to the food and cable. They shop at Whole Foods now. I’ve said before that no one is “ready” for relationships; just as someone who tells you they aren’t ready to date just don’t want your ass, someone who is all about cuffing season wants comfort…not necessarily you. When they want you it won’t matter if it’s Columbus Day, the first day of summer (or mid divorce). So my advice this cuffing season is to ride out the lonely because dead end relationships are never what’s up. Keep your heart, 3 Stacks. They probably snore and hog covers anyway.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… INTEL

Growing up, I was an Allen Iverson stan. I had multiple jerseys, the shoes, (my mother wasn’t with the braids so I did what any rebellious teen did…. I just faked it with a du rag and headband. Cuz black mama). I had just missed the Jordan era, he was the dude from Space Jam who you had to create in video games cuz he was too good for them. AI was my Jordan and I wasn’t hearing otherwise. As time has gone on, analytics and advanced stats gave the real tea on AI: he was a very inefficient scorer, turnover prone, one of the worse defenders in the league, was really bout 5’9 1/2, wasn’t a great 3 point shooter but he threw them up anyway, may not start for most teams let alone be the face of a franchise. Fuck them numbers, B. Iverson is a blind spot where I could be blissfully ignorant enjoying what I was watching without knowing too much. It was a simpler time.

These days, perhaps we have too much information. You may not be here if your parents could send subliminal tweets to each other during a fight, Barack and Michelle were able to fall in love because he never had to experience being left on “read”, I could be married to my college sweetheart if she never found my Twitter. (No, I wouldn’t. ) It could also be for the better; you can search his @ name and “bitches”, “black women” or “females” and see what’s he’s really bout, you may find out on Facebook she wasn’t as single as she let on, you see every too damn friendly comment left by others on their pictures or just learn early that they ain’t really bout shit. Why waste precious time and energy when you can learn all about someone with a few clicks. But what’s the fun in that? Isn’t life about learning things the hard way, experiencing the ups and downs…I guess? Yet, at the same time, we millennials. (well I have no idea who is a millennial is anymore, it feels like the goalposts keep moving.) I guess I’m wondering aloud if maybe we just know too much.

Then there’s me. I have a kinda almost weekly semi-autobiographical blog. A far more intimate setting than even my social media accounts. Here, I just say whatever is on my mind without much thought about who (hi sweetie?) may or may not be reading. Well, mostly. I’ve learned there’s still plenty I should keep to myself. I often wonder if SFW is maybe too much information. Every doubt, every thought, every feeling doesn’t need to be articulated… publicly. Yet we millennials overshare to the point of exhaustion. I’ve said before that I couldn’t date another writer, we’re too neurotic, too analytical, project too much (There’s only room for one me in the relationship and I’m already me). You’d think everything is good and next thing you know you’re being dragged on Harper’s Bazaar because your wife finds it emotionally draining to speak to you directly. I’ve seen followers literally thread every detail of their day and as a follower I’m mildly amused but if I was a love interest I would run for the hills.

I guess I enjoy a blissful ignorance. I want to be able to ask about your day and actually not know the answer already because you made 36 snaps. I want to watch AI highlights and not know he could’ve made a higher percentage shot if he passed it earlier. I don’t need to know what her homegirl thinks about me (unless she’s taking my side), or that she saw that text an hour before she decided to answer it. That’s not the same as being blindly naive to cheating and otherwise disrespectful behavior, it’s I’m going into this as objectively and open as possible.

-Stan-

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