Monthly Archives: September 2017

Today’s Word is… UNITY

RIP raising the roof, watching me whip; watching me nae nae, the dab, “for shizzle”, twerking, “Bling Bling”, “on fleek” and the countless other things white people came, saw and ruined.  It’s kinda their thing.  Shoutout to Columbus. Well, fuck him. But a day off is a day off. Where was I? Ah, yes white people ruining things.  My thought as I watched white people turned Colin Kaepernick’s kneeling protest turn into the mannequin challenge. (Another thing that was ruined… They even tried to do it on a flight once, like I know it’s been some years since 9/11 but we ain’t THAT comfortable.  Tell me the safety instructions and give me my half a can of soda and go).  It was the NFL’s chance to show “unity”, not actual unity like, we support your fight against injustice and police brutality but moreso…we’re on the same team. Literally.  How you gentrify a protest?   It’s like turning the Montgomery Bus Boycott into a Fitbit steps challenge or making Ghandi’s hunger strike about clean eating.  All while the elephant in the room, they DID fire the person who “disrespected the flag” in the first place.  So where is this unity? 

No one was asking for your unity, B.  Pumpkin Spice Putin doesn’t have the power to fire NFL players, so Tom Brady standing with his team mates in a “I got you gesture” serves about as much purpose as an umbrella on a windy day.   Unity sounds good, like “post racial”. But you can’t fast track to unity without the work.  Not when we can’t come to agreement on what should be simple shit, like Confederate monuments, stop painting your face on Halloween, don’t murder civilians before they have a day in court or whether or not you believe in standing for the national anthem, that wasn’t even a thing the NFL did 8 years ago.  Obama was elected twice and no one knows if he prefers the Star Spangled Banner or Love on Top (of course it’s Love on Top… The Star Spangled Banner isn’t even seeing America the Beautiful if we being real)  So back to Sunday, I’m watching standers and kneelers come together and feeling satisfied with themselves and it’s like watching Bob from Accounting try to dance at the holiday party.  Just…. Stop, you’re embarrassing yourself. 

So, how does this unity work anyway? What happens the next time someone is killed by the police? Is Jerry Jones going to call out the police brutality or respect his players right to feel a way about it for 2 minutes while some random Grammy nominated country singer sings.  It’s easy to call Twitler divisive, “divisive” has become the gluten free vegan substitute for “racist”, but are we ever going to ask why he and his base are always being “divisive”?  Since kneeling is cool now, is anyone going to give Kaepernick a damn job?  Or is this “unity” about as stable as a Bad Boy records contract. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… TWENTYSOMETHING 

So the other day, me and some people were discussing Xxxtentatacion (yeah I don’t know how to pronounce this shit neither, nor do I care to learn).  From what I understood, he made dark emo tumblr teen music and I’m #damnnear30.  Issa no for me dog.   I have bills, a 401k, and just left a farmers market… Nothing about XXXtentimesseven appeals to me.  Do your thing lil nigga, it’s just not for me. (actually don’t, I did a little more reading on this dude… He’s like a psychopath, like sentient Eminem lyrics, they need to just come collect him like they did Bobby Shmurda. Free Bobby Shmurda.)  Anyway, the whole conversation showed me how entrenched in my damnnear30ness I’ve become, I’m not quite old head status, I’m still good for eating a beef patty and chips for dinner and I laughed someone’s name being “Will Laycock” but otherwise there’s just some things I’m unabashedly too damn old for as grown man who’s #damnnear30.  How many? Damn near 30. Such as

  1. 18+ parties
  2. Any new social media platform, when Twitter goes I’m going down with the ship
  3. Cheap bedding from Target
  4. Dating women under 25
  5. Smoking weed (yeah yeah legal but personally I made it this far never trying it there’s no reason to pick up a vice this late in the game) 
  6.  Getting carded, like bruh I have a whole beard and my voice is deeper than yours how dare you
  7. Trips where I’m sharing a hotel room with anyone I’m not sleeping with
  8. Fist fights….well… Just don’t get hit in the face, you too old for fat lips.
  9. Not holding my liquor and being around others who can’t
  10. Flying Spirit Airlines
  11. Not being real about what you’re looking for whether it’s a a serious relationship or the opposite 
  12. Not owning a suit
  13. Posters on the wall without frames.
  14. Trying to keep up with these dance crazes, if you danced to Knuck if You Buck you cannot Juju on the Beat.
  15. That blonde Mohawk style 
  16. Hooking up at the movies
  17. Asking people on dates to the movies for that purpose 
  18. Sex on twin beds
  19. Wearing jerseys of anyone younger than you
  20.  Kicking it with “friends” you actually don’t rock with like that
  21. Living at home for free
  22. Getting your phone cut off…not storing your new number until you prove you can keep it
  23. Actually getting angry at alma mater/BGLO slander
  24. Lying to your parents bout silly shit* (if you’re American*)
  25. Hitting up promoters to get on the guest list, unless you’re visiting the city or it’s a birthday
  26. Drinking alcohol that comes in a plastic bottle; including the mystery punch that always pops up at kickbacks.  
  27. Reaffirming your blackness, a decade removed from being called oreo in high school 
  28. Not shooting your shot. 
  29. Trying to understand these newbreeds music tastes… We pretended Tony Yayo could rap and did the chicken noodle soup with a soda on a side.  We had to learn, so will they

Now, do I have to say that these aren’t set in stone and if you are my age or older don’t take offense? Well…actually, I don’t this time. Because I am judging you. I want better for you.   There are exceptions though, professional athletes tend to act about 5 years younger, rappers closer to 8. Mo money, no progress.  The rest of us have the wisdom to know better, so act accordingly.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… SAVAGE

What came first, the chicken or the egg.  (Obviously the chicken, it’d be like Adam and Eve being babies).  It’s a causality dilemma nonetheless, you can’t have one without the other.  Much like the savage and the fuckboy.  Behind either one, is some hurt they never sorted out fully and instead became the person who hurted them.  Because feelings suck.  Feeling betrayed by those feelings suck and now you want to make sure you never feel that way again.  And so, you become a savage.  You do what you want to who you want and don’t worry about consequences; they’ll be iight, you lived so will they.  Or they just take that hurt turn into savages themselves and suddenly it’s like Walking Dead, living amongst the savages who ain’t got shit to offer but hurt feelings and wyd texts while you still trying to find something real and avoid becoming a savage your damn self. I mean I’ve done some things whilst hurting (that was a crazy summer).  You find yourself reaching out to people you ain’t seen in ages like “where the wave at”, hitting up old flames knowing good and well they are not the come thru and chill type, meeting and deleting people with the same turnover rate as the White House.  You know you living foul but accountability is a little too close to feelings and you don’t do those anymore, you’re a savage.  

It’s an addicting feeling, feels almost like control.  Can’t get hurt if you don’t care.  And to be fair, why should you?  Why even stress over someone who wasn’t going to be your forever anyway?  There were times when I wasn’t even trying to be a “savage”, I literally ran out of fucks to give.   There were times I got that text and it’s like, I probably could fix this, but I won’t. She was a loud snorer.  I don’t want another smoker.  She was an awful kisser.  I like my Sundays. This is like our 15th breakup.  I don’t even like white women like that anyway.  She cut her hair.  She’s finna move away.   She watches Gilmore Girls.  Everything isn’t worth your time and energy, and sometimes people need to be reminded of that fact. If that’s, as the kids say, savage AF,  so be it.   

*cue Rihanna*

Except… You’re not Rihanna.  Rihanna was coming from a place where she is tired of having to explain every guy she’s seen with on TMZ, you are just pretending you don’t have feelings which literally counteracts science. I can get being exhausted by hurt, lies, and disappointment… But that’s just life.  This newfound era of “savagery” is just low expectations and hypocrisy.  Fairly transparent, at that.  There’s sexual liberation and there’s just being a trash person.  A lesson even I learned the hard way; that eventually every one gets over your shit.   That aforementioned summer ended as the others did, a whole lot of fuck yous only for me to leave off with a petty parting quip.  In the moment, it was savage but in hindsight it was hurt.  Hurt that again I was in this position, hurt in the realization that all of them couldn’t be tripping.  That brushing it off and on to the next one wasn’t fixing nothing, I had to really self evaluate.  As for them, maybe they found someone who wouldn’t waste their time, or maybe they are just savages now.  I truly root for the former, if it’s the latter… Well, sorry.  

So being a savage, creates a savage that may create a savage.  How do we stop the epidemic of misdirected retaliation?   Self evaluation,  for starters.  It can’t just be “men” or “women here”, “Mercury is in Retro Js”, “this generation”… Something is actually wrong.   Lowering expectations and just being a savage is scotch tape on a broken window.  We’re wired for companionship, we desire, we care, we feel… And there’s nothing wrong with that, pretending you don’t for convenience sake doesn’t do anything but infect others.  The irony is, what would be savage is loving freely and openly without fear. Not empty situationships and convincing yourself it’s on your terms.  As Auntie Maya says “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and shit.” (Not a direct quote).  

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… WHITE

Previously, on The Trumpacolypse:

I: Election Night

II: The Cheeto Elect

III: The NAHguration

IV: President Twitler

V: Issa Con

VI: We need an adult

VII: The Empire Strikes Back

VIII:Cantaloupe Caillou” 

IX: Whose Man’s is this anyway?”  

8/5/17 (Day 270)- In Philly for a few days (which makes me 3/3 for showing up to cities and seeing a damn Trump tower) and of course when in Rome you do the whole touristy thing.  Philadelphia is not much unlike Boston in that they really play up the Colonial days.  Perhaps even more so, because it’s freedom this, freedom that, I mean slavery was legal here but on the low tho we rode for the cause.  I’m surprised they haven’t renamed the city Freedomdelphia.   Then reality sets in.  You  look at the actual Declaration of Independence and remember that you wasn’t “all men”, the Constitution applies to you, until it doesn’t.  Freedomdelphians come from all over the country to see documents and symbols that aren’t for you.  Humbling.  This is America through white gaze, a scrappy little country that could and ultimately did.  While to me, it’s more like the fuckboy who got his act together slightly enough for the next one but still has plenty of the same old bad habits.  You try to explain that America still ain’t change but they  lalalalalala can’t hear you over all of this freedom, why you so bitter?  

8/8/17 (Day 273)- So on today’s episode of The Apprentice, Toupee Fiasco just threatened North Korea.   Like, we need an adult yo.  It’s not that I have any doubt they if it came down to it, America can give North Korea the fade but at what cost? Lives? Nukes? Reelection? 

8/12/17 (Day 277)- So remember how last week I said Freedomdelphia was how doe eyed white people see America? Charlottesville is the other side of that.  White people who claim they too are oppressed; because by capitalism. Oh never mind they are marching to save a Confederate statue.  With Tiki torches. And Nazi salutes. And anti semetic chants. It’s the opposite end of the spectrum,  Freedomdelphians are so privileged they view every increment of progress as resolved, Tiki Torchers are so privileged they view every increment of progress as oppression.  The irony is we aren’t even close to equality, we at eo still building the q.  How are we already at Klan rallies, we couldn’t get to equa first?  Why are these new Nazis so pressed? Outside of losing your job for saying the #inward or wearing blackface, the world is your fucking oyster.

8/13/17 (Day 278)- Cantaloupe Caillou has called out Obama, Hillary, war heroes, mayor of London, CNN, Morning Joe, Colin Kaepernick, Washington Post, the NY Times, Hamilton: The Musical, Mac Miller, The Terminator, North Korea, Venezuela, Jeff Sessions, James Comey, Nordstrom, Django Unchained,  NBC, China, Mexico, Judges, Congress…. But when it’s white supremacists literally marching in his name suddenly he’s vague.  Where’s the sound and fury?  It makes me think about all the times Obama would give a platitude and people would get frustrated because he wouldn’t say how he really felt because he was the black President but not the BLACK President.  Now I see Toupee Fiasco unwilling to condemn Nazis who ran down a protester.  Even as there’s a clear and obvious side to take, #their man’s takes  “many”.  White privilege displayed at the highest level of government. So again, why exactly are they mad? 

8/15/17 (Day 280)-  So a day after offering a condemnation of racists that was on par with Martin Payne’s first marriage proposal…he doubles back and again blames both sides.  The fuck is an “alt-left” there’s Nazis and people who say fuck Nazis. This isn’t a debate like drums or flats.  At least now, the bluff has been called.  Twitler has aligned himself with white supremacists, and any and every one who supports him supports that. Reagan had the courtesy to dog whistle, to give himself and his supporters an “I’m not racist, but…” shield to hide behind.  The Tangerine Tyrant and his Tiki Torch troupe are out and shameless about theirs, and now the safety pin wearers are forced to come out and pretend they were duped like they didn’t know this is what this always was.  Far as I’m concerned the red hat and the MAGA sign are swastikas now and society should treat it accordingly. 

8/17/17 (Day 282)- White people still showing their ass about these Confederate statues like we don’t still got slave owners on the money.  Doth protests too much. Suddenly it’s about preserving history, because not revering Confederate generals is the same as if they were taken against their will and had their lives erased.  Removing Confederate statues isn’t erasing history, we will never forget the fact that white people went to war against their own military because they couldn’t own other human beings anymore. That is a fact.  These statues were erected during Jim Crow not as a reverence for American history but a tribute to whiteness.  Trump is from New York telling a crowd in Arizona that he will protect their “culture”, y’all ain’t even go there.  Clearly this isn’t about Southern pride. Ain’t y’all “the party of Lincoln” (when it’s convenient to say)  anyway?, So is it Oochie Wally or is it One Mic. 

8/18/17 (Day 283)- SPOILER ALERT

(so you know how on House of Cards, Frank realizes that the power isn’t in the Presidency but it’s in the shadows with access to the Presidency.  That’s pretty much how I view this Steve Bannon firesignation. He ain’t really going anywhere he’s just hot right now.  Maybe he can go cure that Greyscale while he’s gone) 

8/20/17 (Day 285)- The President’s a hack, my student loans due is this World War 3 or Civil War 2…the former. This week. While racial tensions at home remain thicker than Serena, which has made us all forget that Sesame Tweet threatened North Korea 2 weeks ago and then China responded with a “bitch, try it”; Dolt45 comes out to announce he plans to send more troops to Afghanistan because… reasons. It’s pointless to bring up that spent the past 5 years calling for the withdrawal of troops but for the last 5 years he was just the dude from the Apprentice.  Apparently, he’s already live tweeted his entire presidency*.  He’s the Three Eyed Racist.  

8/22/17 (Day 287)-  According to an ABC/WaPo poll, 10% of Americans support the alt right (Nazi) movement.  That’s 16.4 million people, about 25% of Trump voters. (as far as I’m concerned 4 out of 4 of them are).  Then there’s the people with “no opinion” (Freedomdelphians) who if you’re not against you might as well be with, silence is violence B.  This is what happens when people feel emboldened by their Klansman-in-Chief. 

8/25/17 (Day 290)- Sheriff Joe Arpaio terrorized the Latino community.  Racial profiling, concentration camps, shackled a woman and forced her to give birth, refused to investigate sex crimes committed against immigrants, refused to feed or treat prisoners many of whom he rounded up for existing while brown.  In November, Hillary called out Trump for even supporting him. And today Orange Foolius pardoned him, because he “kept Arizona safe”.  Even after Charlottesville, the Hate Pumpkin isn’t even lowkey anymore.  Then again, why would one expect him to be, he said he was going to build a wall to keep the Mexicans out and now we here. 

8/27/17 (Day 292)- …and speaking of that damn wall, will that be cash, credit, or government shutdown? According to 2peé Shakur, Mexico will reimburse which is basically saying the check is in the mail. The cynic in me almost wants the wall as a testament to how divided and hateful this country truly is. Then you see Houston underwater and remember that Conman Twitty slashed the coast guards budget to try and pay for the wall.  You remember that behind every stupid tweet, blatant lie, poor decision, empty threat… Real lives are at stake.   When disaster strikes you need a real leader not the jackass who posts memes and tries to look at the sun.  

8/29/17 (Day 294)- The President and First Lady arrive in Texas, oh wait it’s just Pumpkin Spice Putin and his escort.   Now I’m not going to politicize a natural disaster who would do something so crass.  Trump supporters, of course. 

8/31/17 (Day 296)- Why are we still here? Honestly.  Approval ratings in the toilet, CEOs from tech, labor, entertainment, sports are all running for the hills, every week someone getting fired, Mueller is still working on his investigation, North Korea still wants the fade, can’t afford the wall, couldn’t repeal Obamacare, Muslim ban flopped, and now Nazis trying to party like it’s 1939.  Everyone knows he collided with Russia it’s about the worst kept secret since Cersei/Jamie’s incest affair.  Seriously, whatever this…Presidency as been, failed.  So, why are we still here?  If/when DonaLLLLLd falls, will anyone make a sound.  75% of his supporters only love him in private like an ugly girlfriend.  Or so we’re led to believe.  Condemning Trump in public does nothing for me, that happened all election cycle and ultimately it was 306-232.  

-Stan-

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