The “fight or flight response” is our body’s primitive, automatic, inborn response that prepares the body to “fight” or “flee” from perceived attack, harm or threat to our survival. You could say the same applies to our overall well being, particularly in dating. Your relationship hits a snag, do you fight or flight? I feel like the generations before fought; adversity just came with the territory. We all know of the old married couple who damn near hate each other and now they’ve been married 50 years because who wants to start over even after 10. Then of course there was the whole women couldn’t work, don’t want to leave the kids, cost of divorce, etc so they just rode the wave of a decision they made at 18 years old and waited for the other to just die already. The pickings were slim and when you had one you kept it. Abuse, affairs, aloofness, alcoholism (alliteration for the win) you rode it out.
These days, having seen what they went through we are flightier than ever. We stay in airplane mode. It’s easy to move on when every single person in a 30 mile radius is right there in an app. (Or further than that; if you’re into that kinda thing) Is it an overcorrection? Perhaps. Dating has become fundamentally flawed because everyone has one foot out the door because they won’t be the ones looking like BooBoo the fool. We’ve gone from slim pickings to option overload. We’re casually moving on the next one and effectively not learning anything. Where’s the incentive to? I learned recently some women won’t even save your number until you prove yourself. A contact, B? We are so dismissive about dating that it’s like why do we even bother? Or is it we are just really careful. We hook up, explore options and when we’ve had our fun we turn around and then settle down with no regrets. Maybe we need a word for the stage when you are dating but are fairly certain you haven’t found your forever worth fighting for.
My fight was the skrongest. I fell hard and fast and turned a blind eye to things that I probably knew better to. Now, it’s a fight to even want to fight. I’d become a pragmatist, we probably won’t get married so this is just borrowed time anyway. It wasn’t even that I didn’t care for these women I just couldn’t disabuse myself of the inevitable. I’m an INFJ, I project and shit. It wasn’t fair to them (even though I’m pretty accurate with these things), the magic 8 ball in my head told me this wasn’t going to last and I acted accordingly. Now because of me, she is pretty much over geminis, dark skin, beards, accountants, and dudes with blogs. So she’s cold to them and they take it our on the next girl. It’s the circle of strife.
Maybe one day we’ll reach that middle ground where you aren’t hanging on to a dead end relationship but also aren’t blocking numbers because you haven’t spoke in a few days. Where real feelings aren’t being hidden by passive aggressive memes and being yasssssed by the same home girls who are eyeball emoji’ng his pictures. I used to be patient, I used to be persistent and even I have to catch myself from sinking the whole island when I’m peeved. I’ve stayed too long in situations and probably gave up too easily on others. The former likely the cause of the latter. You fight and get your ass whooped your instinct is probably flight the next time. And flight is the safest way to go if you never want to be hurt, but it’s also means you’ll never win either.