It was about a decade ago (fuck, I’m old)…I had broken up with my college girlfriend. I was so sick of love songs and I had to make the song cry all of that. So then came time to make the breakup official for the 99 and the 07, the Facebook relationship status change. I was still new to the Facebook thing so when I did it, I didn’t know that it would literally be announced to the whole school. With a photo we were tagged in together. Stupid Facebook. I guess it served me right, I was obnoxious about my relationship. I went through high school largely unchose and then I actually pulled a bad one? Mama I made it! She wasn’t as obnoxious but she liked me so she let me cook. But now…it was over. And the whole school (#altfacts it was pretty much just all the black freshmen on a campus of 28,000) knew. Stan did that so hopefully you don’t have to go through that.
In this social media age, where is the line drawn between over sharing and secrecy? Or as the stweets would call it, stay low and build. It feels like we’ve broken off into two camps, people who cant stop sharing and people who treat their relationships like a covert op. We all our roll eyes at the oversharer, you know the person who snapchats their entire day, posts screenshots of their intimate conversations and you’re like can you just log off and go suck his dick or something? It reeks of overcompensation. Then there’s people who fool and flirt all day and you find out on Valentine’s Day they’ve actually been married for 5 years.
With me, I guess I’m somewhere in the middle. I literally write about my life, sometimes the people in it come up in the conversation sometimes they don’t. If you’ve been reading a while, you’ll notice a new nickname pop up and then a few months later they are upstairs with Judy Winslow. *Pour out some tequila for Tequila* I’ve also gotten in trouble for not acknowledging enough and purporting myself as single. My friends and family know when I’m seeing someone, even y’all might catch a hint or two but outward declarations of this is bae….nah, we gotta be really serious.
It’s not because I care if people knows I’ve broken up with someone. Its not like when I marry someone, Ima decide to talk down on “wack” single people meanwhile my wife hasn’t touched me in weeks, and then when I get divorced get in my feelings when someone points out the irony of it all. I was embarrassed by the Facebook breakup because I was ostentatious about it, I was embarrassed by another one because mainly because it ended very ugly, oh and the whole supposed to get married thing. Everyone else, I mean it sucked but I was licking my own wounds and not pressed on what strangers thought. People break up everyday, B. I think I share with a healthy balance, I’m not ashamed of anyone I’ve been with, and I also don’t need to document every moment like I’ve never had someone before.
Moral of the story, just be real about it. The ones who take breakups the hardest publicly usually do because the relationship was never about them and they knew it. Just like that relationship in college was more about my #selfofsteam than it was ever about her. (But that’s another post entirely). If you find yourself projecting or being so lowkey and paranoid that you won’t acknowledge someone until “I do”, perhaps some soul searching is in order. Shrug life.