Monthly Archives: December 2016


Still technically a word. 

My 2016 started with kissing a girl I wouldn't see again this year, missing a girl I would hope to spend this year with, a new promotion and a good deed. (So I was out seen this homeless woman who asked for a coffee, I'm still in good spirits I'm like sure, come inside with me, I order my coffee and I tell them and whatever she's having.  She gets like 8 things.  And the change.  I couldn't even be mad.) I was still riding high.  I don't even remember what even happened in 2015, but apparently I was really glad it was over. And if the previous night was be any inclination, 2016 was about to be lit.  It was bout to be my year. Twenty Tristeen, B.  

Well….it wasn’t 

It was the opposite of lit. Dark. Dull. Extinguished.  2016 was cranberry sauce, bad credit, charley horses during sex, the Cleveland Browns, and Lena Dunham all wrapped into one.  2016 just lingered like a foul smell.  Playing it back in my mind…March was dope, May was dope, July was dope; that's 3 hot months in a 12 month average.  Prince is dead, Donald Trump is next President, and our hoverboards still don't hover. It was that kinda year.  

After the past year, you can't help but look at 2017 like a knight in shining armor.  A fresh start, new energy, and most importantly, a re up on vacation time.  I'm someone who does get into the New Year thing just as my mother did. She would have the black eyed peas and cabbage on deck (with my collard greens on the side because I hate cabbage and I'm blessed and highly favored).  She ensured a man walked through the door first (is that patriarchy?), there was no laundry undone, we had money in our pockets.  She was all about bringing new positive and energy into each new year, regardless of how right or wrong she was about the year prior.

I'm #NewYearHive. It and Labor Day are probably my favorite holidays (because how many other holidays do we have that isn't historically inaccurate or over commercialized).  I enjoy New Years Eve shenanigans, as well as my new favorite tradition of laughing at people who don't seem to understand how Uber surges work.  You paid $250 to go 6 miles.  Sucks to be you. Yes, it's simply just a day, but I'm for positivity, progress and relief from fuckshit.  If people want to use 1/1/17 to make some changes in their life, who am I to judge (even though the Y gets filled with a bunch of resoluters who hog benches, take a bunch of selfies and won't be here after Valentines Day anydamnway).  It's a time to sit back and really assess the past year and the lessons learned.  Pour a little out for the ones who won't be with you in the next year literally and figuratively and appreciate the ones who will.

Even as someone who likes New Year's, I still don't do resolutions in the traditional sense.  I just hope to travel, eat good and laugh a lot.  I didn't have any resolutions going into this year, and there's none going out.  I mean sure, I have some steps to take in my career, put a little more effort into some side hustles, grow, live, learn and all that good stuff.  (The fact I could only come up with those generic ass goal exactly why I don't do New Year's Resolutions).

So I'm looking forward to 2017, and whatever it may bring.  Hopefully, this time next year I'm writing about all the great things that's happened, and I'm even more excited for 2018, because that's how New Years works, there's always optimism on the other end.  See y'all next year.




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Today’s Word is… GIFTS

[Editors Note: Yeah, it’s a throwback. Merry Bhristmas and all that.  Be back next week. I think. Pretty sure tho.]

Tis the season to be jolly. Meh, not really. Anyway, Christmas time is around the corner and as we all make our lists and check it twice we stumble upon a boo that wasn’t there last year. New boos are hardest to get gifts for because obviously you don’t know them as well and you don’t know their own gifting ways. Ever get a gift for someone and get nothing in return, awkward. Ever do so a good 4-5 years in a row? Bah, humbug. Now, I’m an easy guy to shop for. I talk a lot about things I need or will treat myself to and because I’m a horrible procrastinator it’s very easy to beat me to the punch. I think men in general are like this, unless they are like Hurricane Buckfoy or some other lame, they don’t care about gifts they appreciate gestures that
a)showed you pay attention
b)takes something off their own to do list.

Women, I can say not so much. Feel free to disagree, but one of my favorite gifts last year was a new pair of clippers, buy a girl a blowdrier she’ll look sicker than an Alabama fan. Look at mother’s day sales, it’s for jewelry, flowers, spa trips. Father’s Day it’s tools and ties and sh t for work. Women appreciate spoils, men appreciate appreciation. It could all be so simple, but women rather make it hard when it comes to getting their #him a gift for Christmas, I’ve personally had my share of bad gifts. Some will be on this list of gifts not to get your man

The I Got Cash #struggleface

Cash- Where was you in the first paragraph, men like things they don’t have to get themselves. A couple years back, I asked “She” for an ipod touch, she apparently couldn’t find one and gave me the cash to get it myself, the cash went to bills and I haven’t had an ipod since. (Reminder this was written in 2012. iPod Touch…remember that was a thing?)

Gaming Consoles- There isn’t a man who wouldn’t appreciate an XBox One or PS4 (don’t get the PS4 Pro, it’s trash) this year but personally I’m just leery of any girlfriend making that large a purchase for someone unless it’s really real. Also the rule of thumb of gifts in general is don’t buy anything you can’t afford to replace.

Gift Cards that don’t cover sh*t– Gift cards are always the go to gifts right? However don’t get me a $20 gift card to Dick’s Sporting Goods and I can’t even buy a single item without shelling out my own money, it’s pretty much the equivalent of a coupon. Go hard or go home

Framed Picture– That’s for you not him. Something to put in his crib or office that lets everyone know you’ve arrived. If you’re going to go that route, go the extra mile and get a painting at least or something that shows you went beyond the neighborhood CVS

Clothes-Personally I don’t mind when a woman adds a touch of her own style to my wardrobe, I also prefer to do that while shopping together. Some men don’t even want that much, and rather not be bothered with what you think might look good on them. *side eyes my closet*

Wrong Item-If you don’t know, ask. I don’t know how one could mess up in a Google era but if you’re going to get him NBA 2K17, don’t get 2k16, if you’re going to get him a case for his tablet, make sure it fits. Nothing puts a damper on a holiday than striking out at the plate and knowing you can’t do anything about it until the next day. Hopefully, you’re doing the exchange (because again men like things they don’t have to get themselves)

Music-Unless he’s an avid collector, let’s be real no one buys music anymore, it’s streamed or downloaded now.

Some Assembly Required-Once again the ghost of Christmas past visits, I received one of those portable closet wardrobe thingys, it was something I did need at the time but, it came in a nice box with 40 pieces and only thing worse than going out and buying my gift is building it now if only I had some…

Tools– Unless it’s for their actual job, stay away from Home Depot this Holiday season (unless you’re buying a tree). I received a power drill once, it’s been useful to me over the years but bear in mind, I’m an accountant.

Colognes-Men who wear colognes know their colognes. Unless it’s something specific it’s probably better to leave it alone.

Now if you’ve bought any of these gifts or plan on it I suggest you go back to the drawing board, or talk to him and make sure he’s one of the exceptions. Otherwise, go with the 2 original guidelines, show you’ve been paying attention and get something he really didn’t want to have to get himself. If you haven’t then, are you sure that’s your man?


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Today’s Word is… FEMINIST

I’m not a feminist.

That sentence, alone, already feels loaded.  Am I anti feminism?  No.  Do my values and beliefs line up with intersectional feminism? Yes. Shouldn’t that make me a feminist?  No. Feminism takes work, learning, growing…I’m not there, maybe never will be.  Do I see myself sitting down reading Roxanne Gay or Rebecca Solnit? No.  Which begs the question, why not?  Am I being willfully ignorant? The fact that I choose not to do said work, does that make me a bad person?  How feminist am I? That sounds like a Buzzfeed quiz (Turns out it IS a buzzfeed quiz, I got a 42/50, I mean why even do this post now?) . I guess my issue with actually calling myself a male feminist, is not dissimilar to white allies.  I can’t help but roll my eyes when every white person who dances on beat or says black lives matter gets an invitation to a cookout, or how people were actually down to give Rachel Dolezal a pass because she worked with a NAACP chapter.  Well intentioned or not; I’m more particular about who can sit with us. So going back to feminism and being on the other side of the privilege I can understand a woman saying, you don’t have enough stars for this level.

On the other hand, I can recognize what a black male feminist means.  On social media, I’ve watched men change their tune when a man they respect speaks up. In my day to day life, men are far more likely to listen to me than a woman.  I might check someone on their language or make fun of how ridiculous they sound sometimes but as far as really trying to change minds and hearts…I don’t have that energy.  I’ve said on the “Homies” post, men are only going to take so much lecturing, so much challenging before you get hit with the “who’s mans is this?” and pushed out the barbershop.  Its one thing to be a black male feminist online, clapping back at the League of Ashyassins on Twitter, it’s another to actually challenge “locker room talk” in said locker room when there isn’t a legion of followers behind you.  I can’t help but roll my eyes at men who claim to be down because they are on the right side of the Bill Cosby debate whilst ignoring all the other problematic stances they take.  

Feminism, through the lens of a black man can be conflicting at time. In a  patriarchal society, men cannot remove themselves from their power and privilege in relation to women. But in a racist society, black men hardly have power to wield in the first place.  The black man and the white woman fight for 2A and 2B, depending on a white man’s proclivities. It’s Oppression Olympics; it could be easy for me to not care about women earning 78 cents of the male dollar when I’m making 75 on the white dollar so we bicker for the support of black women, whom are sideeyeing us both whilst making 64.  There’s a clear common denominator here.  It would make sense that we’d all come together, but, well, we saw how that worked out on November 8th.

I’m not a feminist.  I’m just trying to be the best person I can and trusting my sensibilities.  Continue to grow, continue to mature.  I’m not the same man I was 5 years ago, I won’t be the same 5 years from now.  Honestly, that quiz gave me more credit than I give myself.  I see women and men putting in WORK to change things and I feel like it’d be insulting to them to act like I’m kicking it the same. I just carry myself as someone who was raised right.  Maybe that’s enough, maybe it isn’t. Time will tell.  In the interim, I’m just gonna relax and take notes from the ally section.

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    Today’s Word is… HOLIDAY



    It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  I mean technically I would argue that Fall is, but there’s no song for it.  As the holidays approach, so do the holiday parties; the one day your company tries to buy back your love after all the bullshit they put you through over the year.  For what it’s worth, I enjoy holiday parties.  I enjoy seeing people out of their usual element and get routinely amazed how people take a few shots and completely forget they are still at a work function.  Every year I sit and babysit my drink and watch colleagues make asses of themselves, I’m not that heroic.  I remember at one job I had, a manager got lit and I’m pretty sure she shot her shot at every brother on the payroll.  Someone may have took her up on that offer.  We still judge him. Drunk white women are predatory as fuck with black men, but that’s another post for another day.  The best parties to attend are other peoples’, I can be charming and social with no expectation that this same me will be here on Monday morning.  So as I’m sure you enjoy your holiday party shenanigans this weekend; just remember the rules to live by:

    1. If it’s not open bar, its not a holiday party; it’s Happy Hour.
    2. If it is open bar, its not a holiday party; it’s a challenge
    3. In spite of #2, handle your liquor
    4. I’m probably going to forget your +1s name by time the handshake ends
    5. Yes, white people you can dance. You still can’t dance alone.
    6. Don’t talk to me about work.
    7. You’re allowed 3 snapchats tops. After that you’re just being the feds
    8. I know it won’t but I want the ugly sweater trend to die in a fiery crash.
    9. Just because we shared a laugh at the party, doesn’t mean its now our inside joke for the next 6 months
    10. Always arrive a little late, black people…well y’all know.
    11. Don’t stare at the health crazed vegan on their 4th drink. You don’t know their life.
    12. The worst person in the world is the one person who didn’t go to the party but insists on full recaps on Monday.
    13. Just because they’re wife/husband ain’t there doesn’t mean they aren’t still married, savage
    14. Be mindful of your Yankee Swap gifts; last year someone brought a 50 Shades of Chicken cookbook, thankfully a white woman opened it
    15. The Yankee Swap isn’t that deep you can just buy those wine glasses, Susan
    16. If your workhusband/workwife is more attractive than your date, watch how more flirty they get going forward
    17. Don’t try to to pull the intern, have some couth
    18. You can learn everything about how a coworker feels about you by how their date reacts to your name
    19. Don’t be the ones starting rumors on Monday, stay out grown folks business
    20. Festive Casual isn’t a t shirt
    21. The boss always notices who wasn’t paying attention when they was giving a few words
    22. If someone asks you how many drinks/plates you have…it’s not a genuine inquiry, have the clapback ready
    23. Greet your boss, greet their date, avoid them for the rest of the evening
    24. One day we going to have to tell white people we don’t do Kwanzaa so they can stop trying to squeeze it in…the hell is Kwanzaa Bread Pudding, B
    25. And most important of all, don’t end up in HR on Monday.  Getting fired for Holiday Party shenanigans is literally getting fired on your day off. You got to be a dumb muhfugga to get fired on your day off.



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