And now for Sports. Sorta. So Ryan Lochte, or the dude who isn’t Michael Phelps, has been the story of the Olympics. No, not for winning Gold medals or for black girl magic (which would be odd since he is a white man) but rather for taking the Bronze medal in lying. Apparently, him and his colleagues were out somewhere they wasn’t supposed to or doing something they wasn’t supposed to…he lost his wallet…and rather than come clean, he went with the timeless classic; blame a brown dude. He spun a tale about being robbed at gunpoint, standing up to the robber (because you can’t be a bitch in your own story) and then the robber so graciously left him with credentials, his phone, and his clothes…because Lochte hasn’t read the news and has no idea how desperate a robber in Rio would be. Of course the jig was rising fast and it didn’t take long for anyone with a brain to know he got damn lie. Oh well, 2 of his partners been detained, another is in hiding and Lochte is back in the States like “new phone, who this”. America doesn’t seem to be upset with him, not like he’s Gabby Douglas and not smiling or anything.
Good to be white. Anyway, why am I talking about this? I don’t do a lot of news stories and I kinda sorta lowkey hate the Olympics. Basically because it brought me back to a time where I let the lie get too real and frankly I have no better excuse to tell this story…
Once upon a time not long ago…I was doing the ghetto married thing. My ex wasn’t working at the time, I worked 2 jobs. I was in love then, so I didn’t complain much but there were times when I needed a break. We had hooky dates, I would have an off day at one job, call out at the other and me and her would have the entire day to ourselves. The city has a special charm at like 11am on a Wednesday and no one is really around. But what about when I needed to call out of my “3rd job”, she lived there, she was unavoidable. I decided to play hooky from her as well, I got up like I was going to both jobs, she got up and hung out with friends, I returned home to chill. Nothing nefarious, just peace. So one day, I called out and didn’t tell her, I was home chilling when she text me that she wanted us to have lunch. “Uh…..sure babe. Sounds great”.
I’m like okay so let me get up get dressed and have her meet me at a restaurant nearby. Bet. So now I get dressed, I head over to the only restaurant nearby this sports bar called Champions. The service is usually so slow employees don’t waste their break going there, they grab to go orders. The supervisors usually like to treat the new employees/recent lay offs to lunch there but I guess I’ll take a chance. The train was underground, I get back above ground and I see missed calls and texts. She outside the job waiting. Now, I can either tell her to head over to Champions or make it over to the side entrance and walk out….this was supposed to be a relaxing day. I just run over to the other entrance and start walking around playing it off.
God doesn’t like ugly so I run into a coworker. I don’t even have any lies left I just keep it 100. He would keep it 50, because by the end of the workday everyone heard about how I got dropped off by one girl and picked up by another. #Inwards, man. So anyway, I walk over to the car, we grab lunch and she drops me back off. “Oh you working both jobs today right?” Now, I already had a close call, probably should stop Lochteing. But young and dumb, so I tell her I’ll be off at 10. “Would you need a ride”. “Nah”. She says she’s going home. I just stranded myself. For at least 8 hours. From my own damn house. All I wanted was a day off from her. So I go to the gym, chill for a bit, eventually I just head home at 7 with a tailored lie about cut hours. Which wasn’t even necessary. She wasn’t even home. Doesn’t even look like she been home. And she never took anything out to thaw. That was my life.
All that trouble, from a very simple lie. The remainder of my time at the job I was looked at like a Gawd, I probably could’ve clarified…but fuck it, Lochte! Lochte told one white lie to his mother and it sparked an international news story. Because apparently a 32 year old man still feels compelled to lie to his mom and seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that an American Olympian being robbed at gunpoint in a foreign country just might maybe could get a headline or two. Moral of the story…don’t Lochte.