[Editor’s Note: So 4 years ago today, a young, snarky unemployed guy sat down at his laptop and decided to start a blog. Today’s Word was Start. A place to touch on pop culture, sports, politics and be the voice of young black millennial…then he found a job, got his heart broke a couple times and just wrote about that. Shit happens. Regardless SFW turns 4 today. It is bachelor’s degree, it is my 2nd longest relationship, it is a Presidential term, it is a toddler who isn’t really as cute as they used to be. Your 4 year old isn’t cute. Fight me. And so we on to season 5 (this was also supposed to be my 300th post but I think I’m like 2 off..whatever). I would say year 5 will be the last one, but I’m sure I said that last year. Guess I still haven’t quite run out of shit to talk about, yet. Today’s Word is … END is coming one day though, so appreciate me and shit…anyway back to your regularly scheduled programming.]
So one night coming home from work, waiting for the train, I see a girl and a roach. Not a literal roach, but some dude who kinda looked like Chief Keef, let’s call him Ghost. Ghost is spitting his game at the girl, let’s call her Tasha (Watching Power as I write this) she isn’t completely repulsed, or just really polite but she doesn’t appear interested. He had her attention but no idea what to do with it. Ghost is actually waiting for the train in the other direction, so when it arrives he leaves. She rolls her eyes, I peep, I chuckle and she gives me a mean side eye. At this point, I figure if Ghost could strike up convo with her why can’t I? Yada, yada, yada, we exchange numbers and I refuse to learn my lesson about meeting women on my commute like I won’t see them again. (Hi Mary).
So anyway, I call Tasha; and we talk about how we met and being approached in general. Now, I’m no stranger to such horror stories, from my 3 sisters, girlfriends to even online with hashtags like #youoksis and #nowomanever, women expressing their anxieties about being stepped to in public much to the dismay of men who are conveniently ignorant on the issue. I remember having to walk to meet my sister at a bus stop, answering phones to scare away dudes who couldn’t take a hint. I also remember yelling out “ay red shirt” just to impress my boys; passing around phones just to store numbers in. Looking back, it was wildly ineffective so why did we even bother in the first place? Its still ineffective so why do dudes still insist on doing it? Perchance because it has nothing to do with “meeting” women at all as much as its simply a power play.
I guess that’s what kills me about this harassment debate, especially online; we clearly know the difference between a social setting and otherwise. Women everywhere are saying this isn’t how I want to be stepped to, and men who supposedly want these women are countering with, “well this is how I kick it.” Ok fam. Don’t shoot your shot at the gym, or in the line H&M, Sam I Am. If she’s at WalMart in sweats understand she isn’t trying to be wooed, if she at a Day Party….then well, you just might be ugly. The game is the game. Are there exceptions? Of course, but let’s get the basics first.
Now, I probably don’t meet Tasha if a) Ghost fumble in front of me b) she doesn’t take the bait of my not so subtle laughter. Tale of two approaches. A different day, a different woman, Ghost’s confidence wins and I’m wondering why didn’t I say something first. Or she shuts us both down and goes on a Facebook rant about how she wishes niggas on the train not talk to her. There isn’t necessarily a right way to shoot your shot, everyone is different but there’s plenty of wrong ones most of them start and end with respect and not being a fuggin savage. If you don’t understand what that means? Maybe you should leave the approaching to the adults.