Monthly Archives: July 2016

Today’s Word is… SMOOCHR

So over the past 24 hours, the internet has been abuzz about Smoochr, a new dating app aimed at African Americans that allows you to choose a mate based by complexion, hair type and size of your lips. (I wish the internet would put some respeck on the letter e, e did nothing to deserve Judy Winslow treatment)  My first thought was that it had to be a joke, otherwise this is the most ridiculous thing I ever seen.  Of course, the thinkpiece industrial complex took over and varying pieces about how troublesome and problematic this app was hit the web because why ignore something you dislike when you can join it, take screenshots and write 700 words about it.  I have 7. The app is fucking stupid, The end.  

To be a wee bit fair, most online dating platforms are. While Smoochr is getting deservedly dragged for being the digital brown paper bag test in 2016, I couldn’t help but wonder about what WOULD be the hero black e love deserves, that it needs; the quintessential black dating app.  (My vote is soulswipe because the name remains hilarious to me, but the correct answer is and always has been Twitter)

Until now, as I roll out my blueprint for the black dating app we need, Chose© (patent pending…don’t steal my idea, Ill come find you, Liam Neeson style) style.  Chose or Chs because dropping vowels is cool or something, will cut through a lot of the bull that dating apps have today, starting with questions that really cut to the core

Height: 

Height with timbs/heels:

Height next to actual 6′ person:

What is your body type:

What is your preferred body type

Have you actually dated a someone of said body type?

If no, please adjust your preferences accordingly

When was your last dental exam?

Do you actually like to read books for leisure?

Which Jamie Foxx Hairline are you

Drums or Flats?

Do you drive?

Do you have regular access to an automobile ?

Do you luh God? 

Have you or ever set foot on the island you rep 

Are you employed and receive pay regularly?

Can you actually afford to date regularly? 

Are you single?

Would someone be upset if they heard you say you were single?

What body type was your mama back in the day

What was her type after she had you

Are you a sapiosexual?

If yes,  go away. 

Are you Black Lives Matter or wrong?

Please upload a photo:

Do you dress like this usually?

How old is this photo?

If > 12 months,  please upload recent photo:

So then, where Smoochr and other dating sites always slip up is they completely disregard the whole dating part.  My solution…Reviews. Maybe he was musty, maybe she is boring or not quite over her ex. Reviews hold people accountable, you wouldn’t stay at a hotel that was rated 2 stars why should you date a 2 star ass person?   Also you yourself get valuable feedback and now your friends can stop lying to you about how great you are. Chose© look for it in the app store and Google Play the day after Frank Ocean drops, the Eagles win a Superbowl and the police go 365 days without killing an unarmed black person. 

-Stan- 

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Filed under Oh, Internet, Randomness

Today’s Word is… COOL


Boy meets Girl. Boy likes Girl. Boy wants to get to know Girl a little better. Girl starts off talking about her love of motorcycles (Boy is afraid of them, still a thug tho), she casually mentions how she’s watching a comic book movie or sports when he hits her up.   Boy and Girl have a lot in common*, she’s a tomboy who also loves, heels, makeup and dresses. Ironically enough, Girl actually doesn’t like to go out, Girl wants to hang out have sex, eat pizza and laugh at bad movies. Boy really likes Girl, but he’s not necessarily looking for a relationship just yet. Girl understands*, she doesn’t trip off of titles anyway.  If its meant to be, it’ll be….

So, seemingly boy hit the jackpot; the attractive, low maintenance unicorn!  Or as it was explained in Gone (head and get that divorce,) Girl, the cool girl.  The description of the cool girl illustrates what dating has become, courting for men has been reduced to mere availability while the women respond in kind with acquiescence.  The cool girl has tainted the already shallow dating pool, with expectations and bars so low you could trip on them.  There has been pushback against the cool girl, largely from women who are challenging women to be better, expect better, have some dignity; you don’t have to hide yourself to get chose. Sound advice that I hope works because, I am soooo sick of the “cool girl” too.

I’m actually turned off by the cool girl.  I’m Prince Akeem to the bullshit.  For starters,  its blatant manipulation.  Play it cool, wait for him to fall and then unload a bunch of repressed feelings.  The Steve Harveyisms would lead you to believe that once you trick a man into loving you, you straight.  (He’s also 3 times divorced so clearly results vary).  I date to know who you are and you’re simply trying to be what you think I want.  I’m/it’s not that deep.  Akeem was at least a prince, I’m just a guy with a beard and a 401k.  Ultimately, for the white readers who didn’t see Coming to America  Akeem went for (the lightest woman in the movie because this was 1988) the woman who wasn’t a doormat. The Boy from the beginning? Ended up dating someone else. Because we all know how it goes with the “cool girl ” she takes on more and more resentment in lieu of accountability and then suddenly showing up places uninvited because you need to talk, or faking your own death and framing him for murder (stupid movie) seems perfectly rational because how dare you ain’t lose all this self respect for no reason. 

All that to say, for who, for what?  I can lie on a resume,  charm in an interview but eventually the time will come where I have to prove I’m proficient in Excel.  As will the time when women who adjust all try ear standards for a man, gets one and now they stuck in a Sportscenter and chill, dating without labels, texting sporadically, picking up checks, never get jealous ass relationship.  Are there women who are genuinely down for it? Sure (And apparently they all exist on Twitter).   But the majority?  They are 3 “its cool”s away from staging a murder.  Stay woke.

-Stan- 

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Filed under Dating, Relationships

Today’s Word is… COPS

[Editor’s Note: I had a post in mind but in light of recent events, I really have nothing to say.  Maybe later this week.  So, I went back to tweaked an old post… RIP Alton Sterling]

image

So it was about 5 years ago, I had just moved into my first apartment.  I got up went to work and when I got home there was note on the door by a neighbor, “the cops stopped by looking for you”. My reaction, well, now this is odd.  They had also left a voicemail on my home phone saying they needed me to come by the station.  Total, help me sing. I go to the station, wondering every bad decision I’ve made in the past year and wondering who got some bail money, if necessary.  I just moved here, I’m a law abiding citizen, what could they possibly have to say.  I get there and…..they were just returning my wallet.  I had lost it weeks ago, already went through the arduous task of replacing everything in it and just when I made peace with the fact that it was lost in the sauce lost in the game…here it was.  Won’t He do it.   I had a talk with a few officers, talking about how I just moved out here, sights and sounds stuff like that.  They recommended a bunch of places that I probably would never set foot in, and then I was on my way.  Over the years, I would get familiar with the cops of the town, they walked the streets regularly, most lived in the town, whether I was in a suit or baggy camo shorts and a fitted; they waved, made meaningless small talk and essentially, treated me like a neighbor.

It was a whole new dynamic I wasn’t used to.  Prior to this point, I’ve been falsely arrested twice, weapons drawn on me, followed home, stopped and frisked on my own porch, called bitch, nigger, punk and thug, witnessed a family member being assaulted, knock on wood the only thing that hasn’t happened yet is someone I knew personally being killed.  (So you see why I may have been anxious about going to the station in the opening).  Of course, this was in my old neighborhood, where I was still for the most part a good kid.  The cops there maybe lived in the neighborhood, they didn’t know me by name which was ironic because I was getting frisked and name ran 3 times a day.  Me and my friends would take alternate routes home, keep our bookbags on so they would believe we were actually students, we would split up into separate groups of 2-3 because a large group of us together was just asking for it.  It was almost like having a playground bully except you couldn’t stand up to him, you just learned to stay out the way.   It wasn’t even worth explaining to our parents, hell, people have gotten hauled off for “disturbing the peace” just for defending us.

For what its worth, I do respect law enforcement and the thankless job they have. However, recent events has really made me reflect on my personal experiences with the boys in blue; which as you can see were two very different ones.   The glaring difference being the connection between officers and community they are serving.   In my old hood, we were treated as the enemy, to the point our mere presence was enough to drive them mad.  Their job wasn’t to serve, it was to eliminate, we weren’t allowed on these streets anymore and they made sure we got the message.  [These days the old neighborhood has got a face lift, a lot people have moved because of rising rent and the old park has been remodeled and named in honor of one of the lone white residents (who is actually a close family friend, so no shade or whatever). Funny how that worked out.  Shoutout that G’Cation, I’m sure the corner store will become a Starbucks one day.]

So what happens public servants are treated as guard dogs instead of part of the community they are supposed to be a part of?  Well, this does.  A cop familiar with his community could’ve told Eric Garner or Alton Sterling to cut the shit and go home, Tamir Rice to not flash his toy in public, Mike Brown and his friend to get out of the street.  Instead, they just saw targets, saw “the enemy” and acted accordingly.  So as the President on down asks, how can the police improve relations with people of color, it starts by establishing one period.  It starts with humanizing everyone and not thinking every brown person is The Incredible Hulk.  It shouldn’t be my job to make person who swore to protect me feel safe.  I shouldn’t have to pull my pants up, wear my cap forward and grin ear to ear just to be viewed as an equal.   In the same way I don’t view every cop as the same one who choke slammed me in that pizzeria, every cop shouldn’t view me or anyone else as a “demon”.  That doesn’t start with video cameras and fashion, it starts with empathy, acceptance and community.  Until police officers, truly love and accept all civilians, sadly I expect more of the same.  Living in a reality where myself and anyone I love being one bullet away from becoming a hashtag.

-Stan-

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July 6, 2016 · 9:50 am