Monthly Archives: May 2016

Today’s Word is… MARTIN

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Martin Payne was the original Twitter niggas before Twitter niggas existed.  Quick witted but scathing, loved his woman but not at the expense of his street cred, always ready to fight but never ready to fight at the same damn time.  Dragged women for weaves and their weight…..he was before his time.  Above all else, Martin was good for saying something on his radio show or to his boys that got him in trouble at home.  The best example being in the very first episode:

“Let me tell you something about my girl Gina, GINA worships the ground I walk on.  If I tell Gina to jump, she says ‘how high?’ I tell her watch her head cuz she going to the moon…she don’t give me all that backtalk because she know she got a man who can…..De-liv-ah”

(Yes I did that from memory, its my favorite episode). Of course, Gina got home and reminded him who really worships who

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This was 24 years ago (feel old) yet it’s probably more relevant today than its ever been.   Why? Because just as Radio Martin wrote a check Martin at home had to cash, in this day and age its not uncommon to find yourself in situations where you have to be mindful of what you say because you never know who’s reading.

In the episode Martin was clearly wrong, but in real life its very easy to slip up and have a Martin moment.  We’re increasingly passive aggressive in this social media era, communication has been reduced to subtweets and memes.  I have to check myself sometimes, as much as I want to say “she gets on my fucking nerves” and hit send, I need to be cognizant of the fact I’m sending this to 3500 strangers who can do with it what they wish. (A few months back I made a cheeky crack about my ex girlfriend and it blew up to the point I’ve had a stranger in real life point at me and be like “pull the plug”…Twitter is amazing and frightening at the same damn time). As the great philosopher K. Omari West describes it, I’m just talking like it’s you and me.  Which it is, but then it isn’t.  Lord knows my Twitter has gotten me in trouble over the years, much like Martin I tried to trivialize, tried to get indignant but at the end of it, like Meek Mill or Azaelia Banks, I was catching this L. (Shoutout to the white reader who doesn’t get any of these references). 

Just as I have had my Martin moments.  I’ve had my Gina ones too.  Have a little squabble, you’re like Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I’m gonna shake it off, shake it off (see white readers, I got you) and then log on social media and there’s that passive aggressive meme, subtweet or Beyoncé lyric, and I’m like WTF?!?  Now she got other people in our business?  Letting some other dude know something is rotten in the state of Denmark?  Be ready to lose my mind up in here, up in here.  I’m (something like) a writer, I like to think I’m subtle and clever with my shade, while she might as well post my picture with a red circle around it like “this is exactly who I’m talking about”.  Gets on my damn nerve.
(So as you can tell, this may or may not happen occasionally)

Two Martins seldom work, you both sending shots, until someone goes for the jugular and now you’re screenshotted on BlackSportsOnline.  We are a society that promulgates our thoughts now, for better or for worse and someone gotta be the Gina and maintain the order offline.  It’s not even a gender thing, we just seen Beyoncé just drag Jay for half an album and he can’t fire back, he just gotta love them ankles and listen to Dangerously in Love to remind himself she still loves him.  Actually, Bey might be Martin AND Gina, Jigga is just Cole.  Poor Hov.  He stabbed a guy and now he’s this.  Anyway, sometimes you just got to respect how people choose to express themselves, provided they aren’t flat out disrespectful. 

Me, I’m very much a Martin.  I’m going to say what’s on my mind whether social media or here.  I’m respectful and will elucidate on something said if necessary (I just really really don’t like to).  My ideal match gets that about me but can also hold me accountable if I stray too far off the reservation.  Sometimes I say things she might not like or agree with but respects my right to say it. Or…maybe she’s better off just blocking me and refusing to read this blog (Hi).  Maybe we are just too woke for our own good these days. We wouldn’t be here if our grandparents knew everything the other was up to and thinking about.  While the onus is on a Martin to not be out here talking reckless especially in public, a Gina gotta understand that every word isn’t meant for her eyes and ears.  But we know most people aren’t that understanding so just watch what you say in these stweets…lurkers be lurking. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… VIEWS

So, I miss her.  

I miss her quirkiness, her creativity, our chemistry. 

I miss the way I was when she was in my life, I was excited, optimistic, ready to conquer the world.  She was my muse, my peace, my hope.

With every subtle reminder, every drop of alcohol that lands in the pit of my stomach, every moment alone, I want to plan a comeback.  I can surprise her somehow, maybe write her something from the heart, maybe this post, I mean she used to love my writing. If only I could remind her I used to mean as much to her as she me.

But what’s the point?  Maybe we can reconnect for a couple weeks, a few months, even a handful of days and while I would treasure every minute…it’d still be temporary….

I wrote that 2 years ago about someone.  2 months after that, I met someone I could write that  same thing about now.  2 years from now, I can…..well lets not put that in the universe.  As I roll over in an empty bed, I can sell myself on the fact that I’ve already lost the love of my life.  Nostalgia  never remembers the details,  just the feelings.  It’s the same reason people are still wasting their money to see Lauryn Hill perform an album she doesn’t have clearances for, or why Fuller House exists. 

This crossed my mind as I listened to Drake’s “Views“; wondering where was this dope album everyone else was hearing because this sounds like a half hearted sequel to his second best album.  Anyway, listening to Drake wail over tracks about women he wants everything except a relationship from, my main takeaway was; ego is a hell of a drug.  You love, you lose, you move on but ego….ego can’t take it lying down.  A recurring theme on Views, is the idea of loyalty, and Drake, like most niggas, wants stability and security of a relationship but without the whole commitment thing.  He’s not even talking about winning them back, doing better, it’s just blatant manipulation and guilt tripping because how dare they not take the raincheck of love he’s offering. Drake’s whole steez is finding women starving enough that his crumbs look like Thanksgiving.  He could have them if he so chose (because he actually wants someone he deems an equal); he merely wants them to never be over him. (Because a stripper should be grateful he is treating her like a human).  That is megalomania.  Over calypso beats. (Or as I call it Drakeggaeton)

Listening to Views and being so put off, I then had to look at the man in the mirror.   I’ve definitely used the “let’s just be friends” to carry on a one sided open relationship.  I’ve sabotaged ex’s new relationships, I may have literally quoted Hotline Bling to an ex (facetiously).  I’ve taken it personal when women decided they just can’t with me, when in reality one of us needed to pull off that band aid.  (Not like anyone goes anywhere when I do it anyway…but whatever I’LL be the bad guy).  Bringing it full circle, lately I find myself missing someone who frankly, doesn’t deserve me.  The temptation arises to try and fix things, tell myself its closure, tell myself I thought we were friends…but really her presence in my life would serve as nothing more than ego feeding.  Ego is a hell of a drug.

The way this life account is set up, you only get one.  You only need one.  Unless you bout #thatlife. I’m not. Looks exhausting.  As annoying as dating and searching is, its very convenient to just take oddments of affection from what you know already.   It’s even more convenient to offer it.  I can have my ego stroked by a bunch of maybes or be fulfilled having my one.  Perhaps a mix of both except Tequila might cut someone.  I’ll take the former.

-Stan-

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Filed under Dating, Music, Relationships