Daily Archives: April 23, 2016

Today’s Word is… FIRST


So its date night.  Now I won’t lie and say men put nearly as much into getting in formation for a first date but some work is put in.  After a line up, few wardrobe changes, a run to the store because I wore this in that picture I sent, now I’m gonna look like I don’t have clothes, then shopping for new cologne (because I mean I’m already here), getting back and fretting over glasses, earrings and watches and a taking a shot to get the edge off, I’m ready.  Well no I’m not, but its like 7:42 and I told her 8.  I get there at 8 exactly and she’s standing outside, she sees me she smiles and while my head said “wow” my mouth said “so you been out here long” (stupid question she told me she was finding parking like 3 minutes prior , she let it slide or I was just overthinking things…that’s kinda a thing I do.)  So have dinner and drinks at this jazz bar (terrible idea because while was hoping for some demure raspy r&b singer, I got a quartet with a trombone player who seemed to hit a crescendo every time I had something to say…I have beef with all trombones now.  You too, Trombone Shorty dont let me catch you in these streets).  So yada yada yada date goes well, I walk her to her car, kiss on the cheek goodnight, sidewalk lights up as I leave


So now let’s heel up, reel up, bring it back, come rewind. A different date night, same Usher slide, outfit choosing, I meet her at the restaurant.  We eat, drink, walk to car, this time its a kiss and a “So…my roommate is staying out tonight”.  A tale of two dates.  I have probably had more “first dates” like Date B, although recently there’s been more Date A.   However, there has been a clear link between the separate dates that even I am stunned I missed….Date A’s are women I met in person, and B’s online.

Now, is this about to be some Steve Harveyish dialogue on these women and their sexuality? Of course not. Yall know better.  What I find interesting is the idea that women I meet online feel more like they “know” me.  While technically a first date, they are more or less culminations.  I’ve met women who were in love before we met, some who are and haven’t…yet if we met at Target I don’t think it’s that simple.  Essentially, game done changed.  Date A I met at a New Years Eve party, attended largely by mutual friends we’ve known for years.  We actually was at the same function before, we knew eachother before we knew it.   Date B I met on (only Godsisters can’t judge me) Instagram, she happened to move here for school and I figured hey why not.  We text a bit before the move but lets just say, her bout it bout itness was a pleasant surprise.  Maybe I’m just really naive sometimes,  I really be thinking we going to dinner, reservations made and all that.

I guess what’s interesting about it all is the idea that we are increasingly more comfortable online.  In an age where 1/3 men conveniently don’t know the difference between courting and street harassment, maybe going down in the DMs is the safer route. (Although I’m certain unsolicited dickture guy and “ay red shirt” guy are the same person at the very least, cousins).  Online IS comfortable, we log on the same apps and websites every day, talk to the same people, you develop rapports, friendships. I could probably provide a reference for an online acquaintance before I can a coworker.  (Sidenote dont list me as a reference, I don’t know you B).  It’s easy to lose sight that the people on the other side of the keyboard is STILL a stranger, you may interact daily and still not know their real age or name.  Stay woke and ish. 

Personally,  there’s something about the traditional route I prefer.   I like nervous first dates.  The pressure of making conversation with a stranger and intriguing her enough to get a number in real time (or 3 weeks later).  There’s a beauty in the process that is sometimes lost when all the spoilers are online.  Or maybe I’m lost in the sauce, lost in the game trying to woo strangers when I can just see someone swipe right and know my foot is in the door.  Work smarter not harder.  But of course, as heavily as I use social media, its very plausible I end up marrying a follower anyway. (So if you reading this, hey boo). 


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Filed under Dating, Love, Randomness, Simply Stan