[Editors Note: Bhappy Bhanukkah, Murray Christmas, Hit The Kwan(zaa), New Year, New Me…i’m not certain this will be the last SFW of 2015, but it’s probably the last SFW of 2015. I appreciate everyone who has dealt with the sporadic posts over the year and even the ones who stuck around even though I completely forgot to answer your questions…I’ll try to be better in 2016, maybe. And now for your featured presentation]
I walked in knowing it was a bad idea. I walked in knowing I was throwing away years of loyalty. Yet here I was at the door, overcome by my own needs. I go in and sit down, brace myself and a good 35 minutes later, I was officially a savage. What made it worse was coming home to an appreciative woman, not knowing the happy glow that radiated from me was tainted. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. I just cheated…….on my barber. My lineup was crisp, my waves glistened in the light, I felt invincible, yet dirty. (Okay, I’m being facetious I actually have 4 barbers across different parts of the city but rock with me). My barber didn’t judge when I came in for just a lineup because I was trying to get braids or months after when I came in with my towel thrown, he didn’t judge when I brought shorty into the shop (which I recommend; you bring her just so she sees that alluhdis doesn’t just happen and can show off to other regs that that’s you…only on time tho, after that you’re just the simp that brings his girl to the shop with him), he didn’t judge when I was still paying student prices even though he cut me FOR my graduation like 3 years prior, my barber is the real MVP. The bond between a man and his barber is one that is often misunderstood, because like most man bonds it’s trivialized and dismissed by the outsiders. Contrary to popular belief, men are fiercely loyal (maybe not to you because he doesn’t like you enough, sorry) to things we hold near and dear to our hearts. For example
Sports Teams- As a conscious, intelligent black man in 2015, I actually get a lot of how and why I’m loyal to Boston teams given their history. My answer, my reasons are my reasons. Sure Tom Brady may or may not be a Donald Trump supporter, every white guy with a Celtics jersey and a Red Sox hat may commit a hate crime (we aint forget,Marky Mark) and I’ve never gone to a game and not been like the only black guy in my section but I grew up root root rooting for the home team and thats just how I kicks it.
That friend- That friend who doesn’t quite have it all together, maybe never will but that’s your man 50 grand. He’s your kid’s godfather even though you would rise from your own grave before you let him raise your child. That friend who always will rub your girl the wrong way but you will still cape because that’s the homie and he was there for you 20 years ago.
Favorite Artists- My father’s favorite artists are Toni Braxton and LL Cool J. I don’t get why either, but let the guy from NCIS drop an album, mixtape, go on tour and he’s right there. Toni is forever bae, my mother understood, as does his new wife…she comes first. I think I’ll probably be the same with Bey & Kanye, like listen they were here first and you will deal.
That Girl- Like that friend, that girl is the one you can never tell him about and he’ll always find his way back to. Maybe not loyal to her per se but the idea of her will continue to tantalize.
Collections- Whether it’s actually worth money or not, you start a collection, that becomes your thing. I have every Madden ever for no reason other than when I noticed I almost had every Madden ever I went back and filled in the gaps. CDs, Sneakers, Stamps, Coins….there is a completionist gene in all of us that just needs to conplete. *pets Binder of NFL trading cards*
Dishes- Even the non cookingest man in the history of fire has about 3-4 dishes he can make with his eyes closed and will be damned if you tell them they aren’t hitting. Personally, I think my chicken parm, french toast or grilled salmon are to die for but that’s neither here nor there.
Nicknames- Nicknames never really stuck to me, I always been known by the name my mama gave me, however for others it just works, and that’s their name forever…I know 40+ year old Shizzes because “Sean” is reserved for women he’s fucking. Rules is rules.
Do any of these make sense pragmatically, probably not. However, to understand a man is to understand his quirks and I will say for me at least these are non negotiable. Sure there’s obvious ones like family, but that’s also rational. A man who will lay you down for his wife, perfectly plausible. The fact that same man might do the same over Jeezy…..not so much. When a man buys in, he BUYS IN, just look at the Box Office numbers for Star Wars when they haven’t actually made a good one in 30+ years. That’s loyalty.