Today’s Word is… STABILITY

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I fell in love with my best friend.  The transition was seamless (well except the whole I was with someone else, who wasn’t really the one, kinda cold,  a little too pragmatic you know real romantic comedy-esque).  So that first ex reached out cuz #heystrangerseason and we went out to catch up (cuz bored) . She’s doing alright for herself as I always expected. She does the whole are you still with ol girl thing, I tell her no, I ask how’s her life these days she’s like oh I been seeing someone for a few YEARS. Years B.  Ironically enough he’s kinda cold, a little too pragmatic and so she wonders about what if she was just able to soften up a little would we had worked.  (We wouldn’t) I don’t even know if I am that romantic sap anymore anyway.   I have no regrets, I would go back and make that decision every time.  It was interesting to see myself through her eyes because I see myself through her now.   I am a little colder, a bit more of a pragmatist; however it suits me more in my mid 20s than it did her in college… It wasn’t until I wrote this out that I remembered she was like 5 years older than me.  Just ruined my whole premise. I think I can still make this work.  Let’s just backtrack a bit… (oh and she picked up the check… Cuz years, B)

I fell in love with my best friend.  The transition was seamless, we went from friends to my nephew drawing her in the family pictures, apparently he knew before I did.  They say all you need is love and all that and for a while I was right there with it, but ultimately what did us in was I valued stability more than I realized.  Wanting stability gets a bad rep, have nots like to standard shame and flip the narrative from wanting someone who has their shit together to I ain’t saying she a gold digger.  Love conquers all sounds good but even Martin and Gina didn’t flourish until Martin got his shit together.   There’s only so much cuddling and forehead kisses can do when an otherwise unhappy life awaits us outside of the bedroom.  Giving your all to better the one you love only to look back and realize they’re the same person they’ve always been and all that work was over compensating for the fact that you knew better.  When I say I need someone stable, I don’t even mean just financially but rather…. Is you happy?  

We’re guilted into this idea that love is adversity, it’s a grind, weather the storm to see the sun on the other side.  Get in on this potential, I might maybe could work out.  Be that 6th, 9th and 17th view on his YouTube video, he overdosed in a brothel go get your man Khloe, sure she can’t keep a job, quits everything she tries and spent thousands of your dollars on Lord knows what… P.O.P hold it down.  Thats not to say, abandon these people; just you have some things on your plate, handle your business…I’ll be over here in the friend zone.  (Until that blows up because we’re so entitled that how dare someone care about you and not want to be with you). 

Love is an investment, and like any investment it can pay off or blow up in your face.  I’m sure I could Google a story about a couple that slept in a car together and now they’re millionaires, good for them, but for every one of them there’s about plenty more wondering I can’t believe I slept in a car for this muhfugga.  I’m not that brave anymore, I don’t need perfect but I do want…stable, together, we can contribute to make each other’s lives better.  Of course, this could all be null and void because with my luck I’ll probably fall for a grad student who still reeling from a bad breakup because God be trolling like that. 

-Stan-

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3 Comments

Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships

3 responses to “Today’s Word is… STABILITY

  1. BittyBee

    Excellent piece! Not a single lie here. The sincerity in your writing can’t be missed. I appreciate your honestly especially coming from a man’s point of view.

  2. I think the number one thing people miss in adult relationships is that you have to BE what you’re asking for. And stability folds under that pressure, because it’s often one of the things we ask people to give us without ever even CONSIDERING whether we could give it back. And I think it’s because most of us get it (stability) from our families (our first loves) and we don’t have to ask because we’re children at the time. At least that’s part of it. Adulting really does take skill. Smh. Great post though.

  3. So funny that I found this blog- I really needed to read this.

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