Today’s Word is… REKINDLING

Hey stranger season is upon us.  Weather gets colder, college homecomings, it’s a time when one typical goes back and kicks the wheels on some old flames and see if there’s any chance of rekindling.  Not much unlike addressing needs in free agency before the draft. (Further proving my theory that dating is this nations 6th major sport…football,basketball,baseball,hockey and cooking competitions round out the top 5).  I found myself suckered into one of a conversation with someone I used to really smitten for.  Not much unlike most of our conversations it started from a discussion on male egos, took about 17 detours before falling on us and what probably should’ve been.  It’d been about 2 years since we surface cracks revealed themselves, ultimately resulting in the aperture that was my heart (and killing my streak as the dump God).  We both thought on the past two years that’s followed since that deviation, she had her share of heartbreaks (karma) and I…..well, it’s been an interesting two years. And here we are again, a little older, a little wiser, single as fuck…why not take it for another spin?  She’s clearly contrite, as am I (I aint eem do nothing in the first place, okay no more strikethroughs, I am really over it.) but you see that’s that trap itself in these closure like situations.  It’s easy in hindsight to say oh I should’ve done XYZ and we’d probably made a big headed baby by now, but if it was that simple it would’ve went that way in the first place.  It’s easy to look back and say if Kyrie Irving never got hurt the Cleveland Cavaliers would be World Champions, if Vince Vaughn was never cast the second season of True Detective wouldn’t have been trash, if I had stayed an engineering major how different my life might be…but things happen for a reason.  Studies show (that at least 60% of people (don’t quote me on that; I’m a blogger) would consider reconnecting with an ex.  Not surprising considering what most people wish for is to have their current mindset back when it can be best applied.

Now personally, I have a strict no returns policy on exes.  I’m reluctant to enter relationships, doubly so to end them and so if and when one ends,it’s ultimately for the better.  As I’ve quoted before, “You only get one shot” – Marshall Mathers. I don’t like to do the on and off again thing, I’m spiteful, I’m petty, and even if I forgive you you’ve lost considerable points with me and you’ll never get back to where you was.  That’s just me tho…for others maybe there’s a chance that being reunited feels so good.  Breakups are humbling, breakups are failure, and no one likes to feel either, and so we try to fix and contrary to my personal feelings I don’t think it’s impossible to do. Provided that its for the right reasons.  Which is my major contention to rekindling outside of my own pettiness. It often isn’t.

Don’t hey stranger me because you see me with someone else, don’t hey stranger me because you hate dating, don’t hey stranger me cuz you lonely, don’t hey stranger if you’re still oblivious as to why we split in the first place. Exes are convenient but seldom what’s best. Why go through the motions of dating, courting, and adjusting to someone else when there’s someone who already knows you (and down for the Netflix & Chill).  Often rekindlings aren’t restarts they’re continues, you may be ready to start over but she’s coming in with a bunch of course credits wondering so where this REALLY going, ain’t no restarts biiiih (something I may or may not learned the hard way this summer…I need to meet new people.)

Perchance I’m wrong on this one (I’m not), and maybe rekindling old flames is the way to go.  We all make mistakes, we all are striving to improve maybe things are different the second time around.  Personally, I think if I were to get that old thing back it would be with someone I was involved with much younger (because I can say I was kind of an asshole then and a decent dude now) than someone when we was already full adults with expectations and knowbetter.  I’m essentially the same guy it didn’t work with the last time (now comes with a beard), and she’s essentially the same woman it didnt work with last time just maybe with a little more regret and the knowledge that dating really really sucks.  Ultimately, however, what we both want and deserve are clean slates, and we can’t give each other that even we really want to feign ignorance and try. And so the search rages on….at least til i’m 30 or lose my hairline then I might just circle back

-Stan-

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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan

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