Today’s Word is…. GYM

[Editors Note: Here’s an oldie but a goodie, with a few addendums…. Enjoy]

I’m an extroverted introvert. It takes me a while to adjust to my surroundings. When I do get a decent temperature for the room, I act accordingly. It’s a trait that took some development, as in high school I always felt I wasn’t welcome even the times I actually was. In college, I turned it up a bit too high, where I went completely shut down to just unbelievably arrogant. These days, I’m learning to accept that ain’t nobody worried about me, just live my life. I’m attending more events, being more open, I’ve come a long way. Perhaps the biggest example of this is at my gym; where I’ve eventually came into my own. I remember when I just felt awkward, every whisper or snicker I felt was directed at me.  As I stopped giving a damn and remembered why I was there in the first place. I’m much more into my own, headphones blaring, head nods to the familiar faces, smiles to the pretty ones, I feel at home.

Well not really, personally I rather jog, play basketball and work out at home, but Planet Fitness’ “break up with me face to face” policy keeps me coming back.  (I have since broken up with Planet Fitness, I joined a YMCA which introduced some new characters, thus the update) As I go now, it’s funny seeing the different types of people there, my music almost providing their soundtrack.   You have the….

Beibers- They’re the skinny high school kid who’s come to “beef up”, they almost never even look at cardio machines just straight to the dumbbells and bench presses.  (Note I don’t have any Beiber on my ipod just couldn’t think of a better analogy)

Biebers.

Jay-Zs- The old people who somehow be killing it still.   Don’t you dare get off a elliptical before your senior neighbor, makes you want to reevaluate you’re whole life. 

Lady Gagas- Okay I have 2 songs.  Gaga’s put more into their outfit than their workout, they try the flashdance shirt look but always got to stop and adjust it.  They only use the stationary bike, hip apductor and leg extension so they can tweet that they’re at the gym.

2 Chainz- He is EVERYWHERE.  You can’t go on a machine without him popping up, “Hey I’m using that”.  He spends so much time defending his territory you never actually see him lift anything. 

Rick Ross- He’s the big guy who is way too comfortable with public nudity.  His shirt is way too small, can’t raise his arms without it flying up like a crowd doing the wave.  He even throws in a “ugh” after a set. 

Nicki Minaj- Like the Gaga but only does stretches and squats, pleasant to look at but from a workout perspective don’t understand why she’s there…

Drake- He’s pretty much there to hookup with any woman there.  He doesn’t do much else, but he used to be better so no one minds

Wiz & Amber- (They back together right? Good cuz I can’t think of a replacement) You see Wiz by himself and he oes his thing, when he brings her he can’t seem to do anything without some kinda PDA attached.  They basically are roleplaying trainer and pupil.

Diddy- He’s the guy who wears sunglasses in the gym. Douche.

Dr Dre- The guy with the obnoxiously large headphones that everyone within 4 ft can hear him.  You gotta turn your music up louder just to drown out his. 

Beyonce- She’s the already fit woman who sometimes brings her friends along to own them.  She’s not nearly as helpful as she thinks she is, some would say it’s intentional.

Rihanna- She’ll flirt, smile if she catches you looking but she ain’t worried bout anyone up in there. Also she always looks high

Kendrick Lamar- Sit down. Drink. Work out. Drink. Wipe machine. Drink.  He’s pretty much a camel, not that there’s anything wrong until you need to get water and he’s refilling his gallon  

A$AP Rocky- He’s the walking Dick’s Sporting Goods store. Every accessory possible: Headband, under armour, gloves, knee pads, elbow pads, etc he has on, and of course they’re all color coordinated.

Pharrell- The “new black” or in this case, the new fat. They lost weight and now suddenly they are the expert on all things fitness and if you could just do what they did they’ll be no issue

R Kelly- There’s this one dude who is always with this girl who is young enough to be his daughter but he, well, doesn’t treat her like his daughter

Young Thug- I get its a gym but dude comes in already smelling like ass, 2 divorces and spoiled Hummus

Andre 3000- He’s the guy, that comes, kills and then disappears for weeks.  Oh wait…..that’s me.

-Stan-

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1 Comment

Filed under Diet and Fitness, Randomness, Simply Stan

One response to “Today’s Word is…. GYM

  1. lol @ the kanye’s of the gym world and do you really have dudes that wear sunglasses during their workout??? that’s beyond douchey….

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