Lies are self serving. If you have an interview and they ask “why do you want to work here”, I mean sure you can say it’s because you’re bout 4-5 seconds from putting a foot in your old bosses’ ass, or that you’re just not quite in the shape that would lend itself to a lucrative career stripping or whatever the actual answer is, or you can make up some bullshit about how you love the culture and believe you can excel here. Sure, you can tell your 6 year old why Mommy was making those noises, or you can make some shit up that they are going to grow up and realize was all bullshit anyway like how Columbus was a heroic explorer or fractions. Perhaps, you want to tell her about that girl in college who had this wine move that would make you tap out every time and sometimes you think about her when you need to get a good shot off (Sidenote: don’t ask that best ever question, nothing good comes of it). Sometimes the truth is just a wee bit too real for the situation at hand. Even then, however, the lie is summoned. You’re asked a question, and the best answer just happens to not be the correct one. Being real, some people just aren’t even worth the lie, parents could whoop your ass, bosses can fire your ass, baes won’t sleep with your ass….how does a stranger affect anything?
Then there’s the other side, the lies without self service. Lies when the other party ain’t buying it, lies when it the payoff isn’t even worth it, or you’re just volunteering false information for people who never even asked (hi Twitter). THAT kind of lying irks my nerve. Don’t lie to me unnecessarily; I take it as a personal assault on my own intelligence, I know better and you should know I know better enough that you’re better off not wasting either of our time. In addition to that, when you’re willing to blatantly lie about something so minuscule, I can no longer believe anything you have to say. If you’re going to lie, at least make it worth your while, it’s like overdrafting your card for a coffee. Contrary to every superhero except like Iron Man and black Green Lantern’s belief, lying usually isn’t protecting someone from harm, you’re making a conscious decision to try and deceive. Withholding the truth takes away my right to make a decision based on the facts. (This could take a scathing detour…..let’s take it back a few steps)
Lying is a burden, white lies or otherwise. Too many I’m fines, its ok, and soon you just find yourself in denial. What we probably lie about the most is our own feelings. We’re supposed to play it cool, nothing phases us, hashtag unbothered. No one wants to be miserable, but instead of working through the thing that is making us unhappy, we just pretend we are, especially publicly. Personally, I’ve gotten better at telling people if and when I’m upset. After I get it out, now I am fine, and can mean it when I say it. Lying is also embarrassing, no one wants to be exposed as a liar. They’ll remain persistent, even flip the script and get offended. The lengths some people go to keep the lie alive, it soon isn’t even about the original lie, it’s the fact after all this you just can’t go back (shoutout Adnan Syed, he did it, don’t debate me). We all know that person who just lies for no reason to the point every time they speak it’s becomes an inside joke. Their tweets and statuses are riddles with unintentionally comedy to every one who is hip to the shenanigans. While I take offense to lying to me personally, lying otherwise is just hilarious to me. I have a boy, he’s in his 20s, still lies about getting some. Every allusion to it warrants a side eye and a chuckle, asking for details? Icing on the cake.
Lying just takes too much effort. Me, I rather keep it 100…..a good 85% of the time. I’ll lie in an interview, but there’s a difference between oh, I love working with others and I thrive off criticism and I have a degree in engineering. I probably won’t tell you that I think that tattoo is awful, but I’m not going to say I know how to do one, give me $40 and I got you. The truth really is freeing, the truth is cool, someone comfortable with who they are and they who own it, you can’t help but respect it.