I’ve probably been drinking for almost
a decade five years *wink*. Yet I don’t even have a favorite alcohol or even a drink; most of the time I just drink what everyone else is, I’m kind of a leech in that regard. Shrug life. If I’m at the bar or a club, I’ll probably get a cranberry and vodka just because for a long time I didn’t know what else to get. Also, bartender suggestions always suck, its always so special on some stale flavored alcohol they want to get rid of. Beer is no different, I’ll get Heineken or a Bud Light on tap. I used to drink Coronas because in college I drank Coronas because they aint know no better and neither did I. Wait, I’m lying I was dating a Dominican and her family got me onto it. In college, we drank Natural Ice and Keystone because apparently kegs only work with the worst beers ever. Good times tho. So #Thesearemyconfessions time; I’m a poser. I’m not a big drinker. (I’m sure my alcoholic readers already rolled their eyes at C&V and Heinekens) I drink socially because well, you know what’s really annoying, drunk people when you’re sober. My father hasn’t had a drink in about 30 years, somehow he’s just grown immune to the nonsense that is a family of heavy drinkers. I think eventually that’ll be me (I wanna say by time I’m 30….eh, maybe first kid….er, by time that first kid is walking and talking) but until then I’ll play the alchomeleon.
Now, the key to being an alchomeleon is adjusting to different circles. Depending on the circle I’m in, I have a pretty good idea of what they’re drinking and my own limits. (via trial and error of course). Got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run.
In my immediate family, we drink white. Not much different than college, they make mixed drinks that taste good. Too good that you forget that you’re consuming alcohol and now you’re sleep. Vodka is a silent killer, I’ll be perfectly fine until I stand up and the rest of the world is still seated. Vodka drunk for me is sleepy drunk. Speech gonna slur, Im going to be leaning on something at all times.
Then there’s that brown. When I first started drinking, we would all throw in on bottle of Hennessey and Remy. And you know what you needn’t give a bunch of teenage boys, Hennessey and Remy. This is thinking too much drunk. This is drunk dialing your ex and ranting your side of the story even though you broke up with her drunk. Its belligerent drunk. If Hennessey is on the menu, Ill get a little and I’ll babysit it the entire night. I don’t want those problems. Same goes for Crown, which is a bottle of bad decisions. I have this huge bottle of crown in my house, no idea how it got there, and even when I pour myself or others a drink it just seems to never go away. It might be magic. It’s going to make a great centerpiece when I finish my minibar because I seen minibar on HGTV and decided I wanted one when I was probably drunk on this magic Crown. Dont drink Crown.
Also early in my drinking days, like 2006, we had a major Patron kick. Damn you Yung Joc. That was hyped up drunk, like Thank God Vine didnt exist yet drunk. I thought oh maybe I was 18 then, Patron can’t be that bad, had some again later in my 20s, same result. As a rule, tequila is a go to at a club, somewhere it’s okay to be turnt. Also, karaoke night. And of all the liquors tequila probably makes the *subway passes*
There’s also scotch drunk, which is pretty much what Steve Urkel drank to become Stefan. I don’t actually feel drunk, but the liquid courage is too skrong. This is usually out with coworkers, suited up, I just feel cooler. Scotch also is clutch for tooth pain.
Beer/wine drunk aren’t much different, I’m not drunk but I’m not quite me. This is usually when I am home alone, beer and wine just happen to be there from the night before so I have a drink with dinner. One time I can recall being really wine drunk was I went to a wine and cheese tour and I dont think you’re supposed to drink as much as I was drinking but it was my first one, how else would I learn. Fun date tho.
Then there’s what have I done drunk. These include
1. Guinness, because gross.
2. Jägerbombs, which have led to some stories I’ll never tell.
3. The original Four Lokos, which was literally 24 oz of how was this ever legal, 4. Some mystery drink at a frat party one time that I have no idea what was consumed
5. Lean, which I haven’t had personally but from the way I’ve seen friends act on it, I just don’t want them problems. And RIP Pimp C.
Blackout drunk is where I get off, at that point I’m not even blending in with the crowd I’m completely removed from it. At that point, theres no silliness, or hype, or even cool, you’re just like a Walking Dead zombie. I’ll never get why people ever push themselves to that limit.
Still, I don’t think I’m THAT different when I’m drunk. As an introvert I feed off energy and my environment. I can be charismatic, smooth, fun, and even an hothead just off who I’m with. Drinking just…gets me out my own head sometimes, which is necessary. I typically don’t drink when I’m sad or angry, or alone because for me drinking enhances my experience it doesnt create one. As I get older, I’m becoming less and less reliant on a buzz to have a good time whereas before I would head straight to a bar just so I can feel comfortable simply being out. Eventually I’ll be at a place where I’m not at mixers still using the “oh that looks good” at the bar. I do still want my minibar tho. For decoration of course.