[Editor’s Note: So I got a reader email, cool dude. He wanted to see how the weight loss journey was going *hands mic (unlike the ball) to Marshawn* “Thanks for Asking”. He also asked about dating as a heavier dude, the thin line between “accept me at my worst” and “put your best foot forward”. He felt like he should hold off until he felt a little more comfortable with himself physically. Personally, I don’t see why one can’t do both. Anyway, after the exchange it made me think of this old post I never posted as a follow up to “BIG”, about the dating world through the lens of a big dude. Rereading it I liked it more than I did when I wrote it so here goes nothing]
By and large, body image issues in general are more attributed to women than men. Men have pursuer privilege (Did I write about this, I couldn’t find a link *shrug*). Socially, its more common for us to go to the gym, run ball with the homies every week, move the furniture. Overall, men are expected just exude confidence whether you’re built like LeBron James or CC Sabathia. If male physique is brought up critically, more commonly it’s about some guy who needs to bulk up. There isn’t no Sticks gym for the thin guy (maybe there should be *drafts a business plan*) Anyway, Poor Snoop Khalifas, this post aint about y’all either. I don’t know that life. For most of my life I’ve always been a bigger dude. Some times way bigger than others but much like my pops, I’m solid and broad. Don’t wear skinny jeans cuz my quads don’t fit. I’m more confident in my 20s then maybe my later teens, rolling my eyes as every Tom, Dick and Harry called me “Big Man”, “Big Guy”, being compared to every big black dude on TV (poor little black boys probably being called Terio now, hold ya head lil homies), and when it came to dating, the deck is always stacked against me to make up in charm what I’m lacking in physical appearance. It’s not exactly the same plight of the big girl, but it isn’t that easy, and I’m actually handsome. (Yeah I’m tired of being humble in 2015). I approach who I’m attracted to, it either works or it doesn’t, take the curves and go home (double #auntandre). But it took me a while to get to that point, before then it was a struggle.
It was bad enough that I was already an introvert; wary of being bothersome to others. So I did plenty of women the courtesy of not having to awkwardly rejecting me by counting myself out. I barely found myself attractive, of course she didn’t. When I did find myself talking to a woman I addressed the elephant in the room, that was me, large being with a long trunk (dry, self effacing humor….kinda my schtick then). It was somewhat twisted, the confidence I gained by laughing at myself before someone else could. Some women actually found it endearing, but then came another can of worms that was dating someone “out of my league”. Always the self aware, I worried more about how her stock fell being associated with someone like me. Was I “but he has a great personality” guy? Did she like me as is, or tolerated it for now? I would become insecure and paranoid, and suddenly I wasn’t the silly, sweet guy that got her in the first place. When the flame extinguished, I had no one to blame but myself.
Then well….you can see in very early posts here, I struggled with being the “safe” guy until I finally decided to really do something with my weight yada yada yada, I still get played. Because now I’m too much of a flirt and getting big headed. See, now ain’t that a bitch. The moral of the story being, every man takes a loss here and there, big, small, short and tall. Attraction is relative and I’ll never be everyone’s cup of tea (maybe if I’m famous). You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take so stay low and keep firing. Never know who gon do like Short said and let Bruce Bruce hit it.