Monthly Archives: February 2015

Today’s Word is… FRANKENSTEIN

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When you think of Frankenstein, you think big green monster not the egotistical, nefarious man who created him.  Hell, the thing isn’t even named Frankenstein, but whatever.  I say that to say this, too often we look at the “monster” created and not the creator.  The abhorrent ex, crazy baby mama, the bitter friend, the jaded lover….its easier to just call them out for what they are and not look at who or what made them that way, that would require personal accountability and you just cant go for that like Hall and Oates.  I’m the friend you begrudgingly ask for advice because I’m almost always going to circle back and ask you about the role you played.  (Listens to groans from the “let me vent” crowd).  Monsters don’t just appear, someone caused their creation, whether they want to admit it or not.  I’m guilty of it too, I’ve created my fair share of dating Frankensteins and at least in hindsight I can look back and say, maybe I shouldn’t have led her on, maybe I could’ve communicated better, or that was just rude.  Sorry and whatnot. Others, however, can live in a world of delusion, wondering “why me” because they cannot bring themselves to realize they are the cause of the problem.  Its easier to just say the other person is tripping or not all there. 

For example, just recently a situation arose between a relative and the mothers of his children. (I won’t divulge cuz #familybusiness) His opinion is the usual; they just crazy, he doesn’t know why this keeps happening to him.  To his point, they not the brightest bulbs in the lamp. Then logic sets in and you realize, these things don’t just happen to people.  If it was a book, you would be like “this is a major plot hole” but in real life we make that leap all the time. People don’t just sweat you for no reason.  Women you never slept with don’t just claim you fathered your child (unless you’re famous).  People don’t just catch feelings for people who aren’t leading them on.  Friends don’t just do couple-y things for no reason (pewn..shot fired).  We know these things, we understand them apparently yet we carry on as if we don’t.  That’s not to say “Frankensteins” don’t naturally exist; (*thinks about the absurdity of this sentence*) plenty of people are just unhinged and obsessive. But they are the exception, not the rule.  Most of the time you’re just being an asshole and wont admit it.

We live in an era where people tend to act insouciant to everything, cant react, cant communicate, whomever loves first loses.  People (especially men if we’re being real) are barely allowed to emote anymore.  Its become far too common to be an asshole, and then label the offended as if it came from nowhere.  Behind most insecure “Frankensteins” there’s someone who didn’t reassure them, behind most sensitive “Frankensteins” there’s someone oblivious to how they’re interpreted, behind most emotional “Frankensteins” there’s someone who couldn’t communicate.  The havoc they wreak that’s on you, and well if someone dates any of mine…..my bad.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… BAELESS

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Basically.

So I’m single. Like single single.  No dates, no boos, no baes, no nah means, no ol girl, no new cast and characters, no prospects, no hey strangers.  For probably the first time in years, I spent Valentine’s weekend alone; sipping Honey Jack (rare because I typically don’t drink at home), playing PS4 and watching All Star Weekend.  Don’t cry for me Argentina, its been a refreshing couple months, working on me before I dare venture back out in the treacherous conditions that is dating in the twentyteens.  As much as I’ve spoken to hating dating, the motions of “what kinda girls you like?” “My ex did this that and the third” “you only text me 2 word answers, is something wrong” BLEH.  But I’m a serial monogamist, a romantic, a courter, I’m not fit for this life of not knowing the next time I can get a shot off.  There’s probably some deep rooted issue that I hate being alone but I didnt see it on WebMD.  So what do you do when you hate being single and hate dating (You meet a girl, who is attractive but you’re not all that into, she thinks you’re the most amazing guy ever and you date for 8 weeks, but then you want to be a nice guy so 8 becomes 16. Then she says she loves you so you can’t leave, you carry on playing Prince Charming until she slips up and now you have a reason to leave and its her “fault”, she tries to win you back to no avail but you still smash from time to time because you’re a terrible person.  You’re much less contemptible now but for past transgressions  karma came through and crushed the buildings now you’re spending Valentines with flavored whiskey and Brady. #LifeComesAtYouFast). It’s like the struggle of going to work and looking for work.  Left between peeling yourself out of bed and going to work, and getting up skimming job boards and going on interviews, well, time for work. 

As I prepare to hopefully leave singledom alone for the last time (well in this day and age I can deduce I’m probably 2 relationships away from the woman I’ll end up marrying.). There’s some lessons I’ve learned for the 9-9 and the 2015 that I must remember…

Its okay to be picky- The thing is when you’re single, every one suddenly got some homegirl, bad built cousin or coworker they think would be perfect for you.  If you decline at any point, you’re picky or you just want to be a playa some more.  I’m young, employed and still have a hairline I rebuke thee scraps.

Assume you’re not the only one- Something you learn when you have nobody is that that’s actually rare; there’s always someone waiting in the wings, shooting their shot.  Save yourself the headache. 

Stay off Facebook; it’s just a bunch of engagements & pregnancies- 9 of my friends proposed over the past month. Nine. And all the stories were like back to back on my news feed, fuck you Zuckerburg, go have a kid that will become a Superhero/CEO after you die when he’s 8 because comic books said that’s what always happens. 

Your ex still ain’t shit- You’re single, they’re single, you have pleasant conversations about the good times and where you went wrong.  You think hmm, who knows me better than this person, why not give it a new round. Resist this urge.  They still ain’t shit.

No one respects your free time-
yo what you getting into tonight”
“just chilling with _____”
“something something whipped, iight yo”

“yo what you getting into tonight”
“Nothing just at the crib”
“Get dressed we about to go see whats up with these chicks like 90 minutes away one of them look like Rihanna she a lil chubbier”
“Im good I’m just chilling”
“Stop being a bitch just come out, we on our way to your crib”

Patience isn’t a virtue- One thing I learned that a lot of “friends” I had when I was seeing someone were really just waiting their turn like Drake and Nicki.  Its odd.

Dating websites just aren’t for me- One night out of curiosity I made an account on I think it was OKCupid, i don’t remember.  I answer the questions, write an amazing profile and before I upload a picture, I skim through my matches…….. Ex, my boys BM, girl I hooked up with in college, a plethora of white women who I don’t think liked me, another ex, some obvious catfish, a cousin, another girl i used to mess with….the dating pool is too shallow.

The World hasn’t ended- I enjoyed my weekend alone, I haven’t got to point where I’m just being pitied yet, I can say and do what I want without hurting someone’s feelings.  At this point, I’m just chilling with an eye out in case I left someone but not looking for just, anyone. If that makes sense.

SFW is much more interesting when I have stories to share- So, you know, stay tuned and what not.

-Stan-

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Filed under Dating, Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… SNOW

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77 inches of snow.  Seventy seven.  Snow tall enough run a pick and roll in the NBA.  Snow always standing in the back of a group photo.  Snow so white, its an Oscar nominee.  Snow be like #occupyallstreets. Who pissed off Mother Nature? Was it the conservatives who think climate change is myth?  Did some little kid see Frozen and wish this shit would happen in real life?  Did I join the Night’s Watch? Did the entire continent shift up to the north pole?  Like, tiny flakes of frozen water fell from the sky and it has taken over an entire city.  In 3 weeks.  I haven’t had a full work week in a month.  I’ve gotten accustomed to a certain standard of living, I’m not here for these short checks, B

*breathe*

So anyway, I’m reporting live from my house because again, snow has decided to shut the city down and well, what’s there to do now?  I mean sure there’s

1. Sex (Unavailable)

2. Procure #1 which is an activity itself

3. Create a Hypoghettical and watch Twitter argue

4. Watch all the Fast & The Furious movies because phuck fyshics

5. Binge watch the Wire and or Breaking Bad because you’re tired of pretending you watch the Wire and or Breaking Bad

6. Post a dope pic on Instagram and watch how many extinguished flames were just thinking about you

7. Master Spanish on Duolingo then turn it to Univision to see how much you don’t know Spanish

8. Make Hot Chocolate….. With Bailey’s

9. Make a Tinder for a last ditch effort to find a Blizzard Bae

10. Start a new recipe only to get halfway through and realize you’re missing an ingredient and you’re not going out in this weather so you substitute with things you have

10a. Upon realizing your version is better; submit your recipe

11. Take pics in different outfits so later in the week you have ammo when someone wants a pic and you look like shit

12. Watch Martin reruns and peep how many times one of them break character and laugh and they were like w.e we ain’t reshooting this scene

13. Listen to the Serial Podcast and explain to others how an 18 year old pothead masterminded a frame job for murder

14.  Go on YouTube and laugh at RKO vines

15. Look outside to see that your neighbor went in so you can shovel without making small talk about the weather

16. Text someone using a bunch of Emojis you never used before even if they make no sense

17. Think of a TV show, Music artist or Movie and look at up on Wikipedia and then just fall into the rabbit hole of clicking links to more entries

18. Binge read this blog from “Start”, watch me go from bad, to kinda good, to basically running on fumes

19. Think of a random person from elementary school then try and look them up, don’t actually reach out, cuz creepy.

20. Get an update on #2…and either make a playlist on Spotify of #LeaveItInMusic or #Sadderday depending on how well that works out

21. Look up a new workout regimen you’re not going to follow

22. Go on EBay and try and win auctions at the last minute to drive the price up.

23. Watch HGTV until you hate your house and everything in it

24. Watch a bad black movie on Netflix, make a new profile otherwise your recommendations are going to look like the dude who sells DVDs at the barbershop

25. Live Tweet a Disney movie with adult sensibilities…because “slave” Jasmine towards end of Aladdin > Princess Jasmine

26. Clean your damn house. That probably could’ve been stated earlier

27. Go on random Instagram followers pages and like pictures

28. Watch an old sitcom and think about how much easier it would’ve been if they had smartphones

29. Start a bunch of games in Words With Friends and Trivia Crack you’re going to not care about in 3 days

30. Write a blog post on things you could do on a snow day even though this was written Sunday night so when most people read this, I’ll probably be like

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All day.

31. Make a GoFundMe so I can move somewhere there isn’t Derrick Rose level of snow outside.

-Stan-

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