Monthly Archives: November 2014

Today’s Word is… HOE



So my Twitter feed was abuzz about Lil Bow Wow and his wife to be Erica Mena of Love & Basketball Divas Atlanta? She’s from whichever show that had that lightskinned dude who cried in front of that Olivia girl who used to be in G-Unit when 50 Cent was the biggest star in music.  (I abhor VH1).  Apparently, Ms Mena has had 324 sexual partners and Mr 106 and Park should’ve checked the odometer.  For what its worth, I don’t believe this unsourced story also if she’s nearing 30, let’s assume sexually active for a decade that’s about 2-3 partners a month.  But its Twitter so the jokes gonna fly, then people are going to stop laughing and start psychoanalyzing about “body counts” and respectability politics as usual. What it boiled down to is that Like Mike committed the cardinal sin of manhood, he’s wifing a “ho”. 

Since the dawn of time, man has been taught to fear the “ho”.  Don’t love these hoes, they ain’t loyal, don’t turn them into housewives, they’re for everybody.   You are to enjoy yourself and then shame them, because ha ha harlot, you thought you could sleep with me and then break my heart but no, I will leave YOU first….or something.  Basically, don’t associate yourself with “hoes” because they’ll use you and break your heart….quite a delicate sentiment from seemingly macho misogynists. Theres a level of shame that is supposed to be cast upon a man who commits to a hoe, he’s got to be naive, a simp or just desperate.  Why else would someone “pay” for what they presumably can get for free.  Treating a woman like a human, pssh where they do that at.   While I actually question the sincerity of this Wow/Mena union, similar sentiments were said about Wiz/Amber, and Kanye/Kim etc (these are all rappers; so were they supposed to meet a nice girl in college?).  In real life, we’ve either dated a woman with a past or bust the chops of a homie that did.  As men, as hunters, you’re simply supposed to know better and when you don’t, its heavily frowned upon. 

The conundrum is that everyone has their own definition of who and what a hoe is.  It could be

The aforementioned body count, her profession, how soon you hit, where and what she has tattooed, how she dresses, she cheated, she sends nudes, her twitter avi, she has a kid, who’s her friend, her government name, relationship with her father, she likes porn, she writes erotica, she likes Gucci Mane, she’s bisexual, she averages 50 Instagram likes, she owns a waist trainer, she does yoga, she eats breakfast, she has a big forehead, she has or has owned a Nissan, she has gone enrolled in college more than once and didn’t finish, she put tired of drama and games on her online dating profile….

So basically, marry a prude, turn her into a “hoe” for you and if you ever break up now she’s tainted and no other dude would want her because she’s a hoe….got it.


Just get over your ego and date a woman and trust your own judgement.  I judge off the present, I could seriously date a woman who accepts and grew from her past, a woman who is a “club hostess” on Instagram, probably not.  I’ve had long term happy relationships with women who I slept with on the first date, I got cheated on by a graduate student.  There is no cheat code, life hack, equation, survey, combine to tell you who is the right woman for you and assuming every attractive woman is a how, well good luck with that.  Don’t trust women with breast tats tho.  That one is science.



Filed under Dating, Oh, Internet, Relationships

Today’s Word is… BURDEN

So the Fairy Godmother of SFW had a call to arms of sorts….especially in light of recent events what exactly is it like to be a black man. With over a quarter century of experience in this matter chimed in with my two cents……see you Monday (I think maybe Tuesday, I been slipping)

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Today’s Word is… NOSTALGIA


So way back in the day, I was out with my mother I think we went grocery shopping and I wanted to get back home in time to watch Full House.  She assured me we would be back in time.  Of course when we got home, it was literally the end of the episode and it was the episode of DJ’s prom that closed with Whitney’s “I Will Always Love You”.  I was livid and because I was like 5 I cried about it until my mother played the song for me which had nothing to do with nothing but I appreciated the gesture instead of giving me something to cry for #NoPeterson. There was no on demand, no DVR I literally wouldn’t see that episode for like 2 years in syndication.  It wasn’t good. DJ was the worst character on the show.   But in the moment I felt like I just missed a television spectacle.  Thats pretty much how I view nostalgia now, people who just miss the idea of something but not really.  People my age are pretty much overwhelmed by nostalgia, so much to the point we use modern technology to complain about how “great” the 90s was (because apparently you ask anyone about 10 years ago they immediately think 1994).  Don’t get me wrong I loved the 90s, it was probably the blackest decade (we ever gonna get), from Michael Jordan ruling the world, Clinton on Arsenio, FOX on Thursday nights, your favorite black movie, your favorite black movie soundtrack, to hip hop’s peak.  However , I do think we get so glossy eyed over the past we forget that plenty was left to be desired.  Then there’s the people who have just pitched their tent in the 90s and refuse to come out.  The ultra, nostalgia folk. (they didn’t get this Frank Ocean reference because he wasn’t out in 1998)

The Nostalgiamaniacs are easy to spot, but do not engage unless you want to talk about how Aaliyah would be bigger than Beyonce if she was alive.  They watch the same 90 Martin episodes and are in denial that the show wasn’t good by season 3.  They spend all their time on Buzz feed and Tumblr taking quizzes about which Saved By The Bell character they are and reading the 25 lessons you got from Boy Meets World.  They loathe most new artists and are in complete denial that bad music existed before 1999.  Ayyyyy macarena. They have any least conceded that 90s fashion was abhorrent, which is prefaced by the fact that its being worn by hipsters and teenagers now. 

I think part of it comes from us wanting to feel like what we experienced was unparalleled.  We balk at the notion that any player could be in Jordan’s league, won’t admit that slow 90s R&B wasn’t as great, or that Tupac was overrated a lot of 90s sitcoms did not age well (I’m looking at you Urkel).  We don’t miss these things as much as we think we do we miss where we were when they happened.  Again, I do miss the era of positive black faces being mainstream without having to say hey look I’m black and positive and I may or may not have considered bringing back the old school answering machine message (because I mean if you leave me a voicemail in 2014 you ought to be trolled).  I loved Nickelodeon when I was a kid, I’m in my 20s now, I’m not watching Rugrats.  Full House? Maybe.


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Filed under La Familia, Randomness, Simply Stan


So the other day, I spoke on partners and the difference between being a lover and a friend.  Obviously, every relationship needs a friendship so why is it that you are just so awesome that you aren’t inevitably chose?  There’s the more obvious ones; attraction and deal breakers but then there’s the much undersold element of “maintenance”; sometimes you are just so chill one doesn’t take you seriously.  We hear people bitch talk about the friendzone and the perils of being nice to someone who won’t sleep with you.  For what its worth, I consider myself pretty low maintenance and I’ve also seen it backfire in my own face.  So afraid to ruffle feathers or put my foot down then I either ended up resentful or neatly put away….way over there….in a corner…by myself. 

Too often we downplay standards, avert expectations; you still single, take some search filters off.  Then you find someone who you didn’t really want in the first place and to add insult to injury you’re bending over backwards to hold on to this relationship which wasn’t remotely what you ordered.  Why? Because you didn’t want to be high maintenance or too good.  The Steve Harveys of the world continue to preach said logic, especially to women because an ain’t shit man is still a man…its get chose or get froze out here.  Sometimes you just settle into that mindset on your own, and maybe its not important he texts “come thru” in lieu of formally asking out, yeah let’s just see where things go even though you’re obviously seeing other people.  Sure you can ignore me for weeks at a time and who am I to even question it. Netflix, video games, football I’m with it.  Fast forward and they complaining to you about the high maintenance person they ARE dating and you’re like….I thought you wanted the opposite of that. I thought you wanted…me.  (The memories…. Ouch….)

We’re a capitalist society, we equate price to quality.  We love bargains and open box specials but we also know the value of things.  So while we might trample over the elderly and small children the day after being thankful for what we own already to get a $200 40″ TV, that same TV offered for $1000 on a regular Tuesday, we probably won’t bother, $100; we grow suspicious.  Applying that logic, the super high strung people usually price themselves out (or snag someone who tends to overcompensate) and the super chill low maintenance person with no standards.. you tend to wonder what’s their deal? They come off as pushovers or desperate and it turns people off

Why? Because relationships require maintenance and deep down we need to maintain. Low maintenance for lack of a better word….is boring.  That doesn’t mean crazy is passion but often the line is blurred between chill and apathy, courting and fraternizing, compromising and convenient.  Being like one of the homies, like a brother, a long distance partner, a friend with benefit none of these things are terrible things to be but none of them are long term dating prospects either.  They’re just what they are…easy, expedient, and  equitable. 


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November 3, 2014 · 6:55 am