We can talk all day about sports and our favorite TV shows
We talk all night over dinner and TV
We give each other advice
We vent to each other
We make fun of each other
We make love to each other
Everything sounds ideal right….except these are all different people.
A girlfriend and friends. Separate but unequal, obviously, but both very vital to me and in a way to each other. You see, I’ve never been big on the whole be with your best friend narrative they sell on TV, I need a friend to be a friend, a lover to be a lover. Took some trial and error to get to this conclusion, I tried doubling down on a friend and losing, distancing from friends for my relationship and not being happy. By human nature we’re possessive; “why can’t I be X, Y and Z? Or they view the friend more as competition than complement. “I married my best friend” sounds sweet in wedding vows but in reality there’s homies, there’s lovers, and there’s friends. I don’t need my girl to be my friend, there’s obviously a friendship but it’s…..different.
To love someone is to know them on a level that’s above friendship. The connection is intimate, it’s passionate, it’s sexuality feelings that shouldn’t be shared with a friend, otherwise what separates the two? Now some friends might know some things your partner doesn’t know but your partner knows things they don’t
like your bedroom finishing moves. I believe there is room for 3rd party objectivity and that doesn’t replace normal communication between significant others. Everything doesn’t need to be said to one another, sometimes you just wanna say “______ getting on my damn nerves” and you know they gonna be all on your social media so you can’t vent there (more on that later). Sometimes you just need a break when you really don’t wanna hear the same work stories or celebrity gossip, there’s a balance needed. Sometimes you just want your partner to be your partner; if that makes sense.
I ran this theory by some friends who disagreed. They immediately alluded to cheating (because literally everything a man does without her is damn near cheating these days….but that’s another post, maybe.) They want their man to be their best friend, the first one they talk about anything with, they down to watch the game, play XBox, text all day….cute, but no. While well intentioned, the full court press on one’s social life does more harm than good. My boy chimed in with “wifey material cut from a different cloth” (anyone else hate that word). He has a point; there’s just something different in the way someone behaves when they want to be a partner and when they (even inadvertently) heading over to the homie section. My theory on this is…..*Sopranos blackout*