Daily Archives: October 10, 2014

Today’s Word is… OVER


So it’s the same old story; boy meets girl, boy courts girl, boy dates girl, boy dumps girl.  Now its a shame she has to go through this, they don’t even talk, they don’t even kiss, and she never thought they’d be breaking up like this, but its over now….its over now.  Theoretically, no one owes the other anything once the relationship is over but there’s a decorum expected after a breakup.  Take some time to mourn the relationship, don’t try to reestablish contact when the wound is still fresh, don’t smash their homies or besties.  So then comes that awkward phase of seeing who blinks first and starts jumps back into that dating pool.  Personally I rather ladies first; in my experience I’m able to stomach that ego hit better than some of my exes.  They were so fixated on trying to salvage the relationship that if/when you date again its going to be a punch in the gut. I’ve been on that rescue mission before only to look up and see she’s already moved on……it sucks.

We all have egos, we all have this myopic view of self that says “replace me? Good luck” (see 85% of women R&B singers) only to be humbled that they found someone more attractive, someone who makes more, hell just someone who makes them as happy as you did….maybe even more.  Rather than accept this, we try to rationalize; it was way too soon and must’ve had him/her on deck for months, they never loved me they used me otherwise they’d be still listening to Drake and lurking my Facebook.  We accept a breakup as they don’t want to be in a relationship not that they no longer want to be committed to us, the glaring difference between the two is that one is accountable one is not.  Its a copout most break uppers will take if offered, “I got some things going on” “if not for XYZ” and they leave the relationship with a glimmer of hope that someone will take and hold on to for dear life.  I’ve seen it…..I’ve done it. 

I was talking about this with a couple friends, the most respectful timeframe to give a failed relationship before moving on (had to give a definitively timed answer).  Not surprisingly the longest answers came from women, from 3 months to 1/3rd the length of the relationship (when we get to using algebra we doing way too much).  One said they wouldn’t even date a man less than 12 weeks removed from their last relationship.  Male consensus averaged to about a month, I said about 6-8 weeks.  Of course people grieve differently, but in a month or two most couples should either worked it out or accepted that okay, this is over.  You get evicted 30 days, you pawn something 30 days, 6-8 weeks is being generous by those standards.  Also, you’re not even owed that, it could be 6-8 hours and all you can do is buy the 11 millionth copy of Adele’s 21 and get over it.  Or just be so amazing it can’t possibly take 6-8 weeks to get over your ass. Like I am. Just saying.


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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan