Editors Note: This was supposed to be a different post entirely and turned into just me thinking out loud….just ride with me for a minute
So I was shopping for clothes, because fall is the season for stunting on muhfuggas. After a long summer of not working out as much, ordering out because it was too damn hot, and getting plenty of play anyway, well let’s just say I put on a few pounds. Now, since I lost the weight over a year ago I wore a L regular, I tried on shirts in that size and….I got them on. They made due now but will I be able to wear them in November, not so sure. (For the record, I’m going to get my shit together, more D&F posts and all that). I opted for XLs to be on the safe side. I wasn’t happy with where I was but there was only so much to be done at this point, so I will deal. That’s what comfort ultimately is, you’re just okay in your ways.
Comfort is a gift and a curse, its satisfying to feel content with a situation but its also a trap; get too comfortable and you never change. Jobs, dating life, living situation, eventually you just have to tell yourself this is cool, but its not good enough. Its something I have to remind myself of constantly. I spent last summer comfortable in a long distance situationship only to be gut checked and realize I wasted a summer being enamored with words on a screen. I spent this past summer climbing up a corporate ladder while looking longingly at the escalator for creatives. And I spent this summer chilling out maxing relaxing all cool and now my shirts have an X in them again. I regret nothing, but I still can say, I can do better than this.
I’ve always been more realist than dreamer, as more INFJ types tend to be. I don’t think I fear failure as much as I look and run 5 simulations before I leap. I admire dreamers who just don’t care and just do. Several childhood friends of mine decided to be rappers, they’re terrible but I’ve written songs and books that’ll never see the light of day so they are doing better than me in that regard. Reine is a big dreamer and I admire that about her, even if some things are just flat out insane. Realists are not always confined to comfort, I can recognize dead end situations and will hit eject and others well, if it ain’t broke…
I think we all need a healthy dose of comfort and unpredictability. I want a steady paycheck, to go home to the same pretty face, to be confident in my own appearance and ability, but I don’t want to do the same thing for 40 years, I don’t want to be in a relationship I’m not happy in, or to be so comfortable that I’m 350 lbs and still making the same salary I did at 23. Some people march to the beat of their own drum, they are a barista at Starbucks in Hollywood waiting for their big break. It might work out for them but that person isn’t me. And I’m comfortable with that.