So I got another email, a followup of sorts. This tims the reader “Peach” (its cheating to give your own nickname but in this case I’ll let it fly) met a guy on Twitter (I guess I did miss one; e-lationship) and after dating each other online now they’re casually dating offline. The thing is she “counts” the online courtship while he wants to start back at one and see where things go because he didn’t “know” her. She reluctantly agreed, but is now looking back at what WAS the previous year, and is she wrong to feel like they’re a wee bit past a feeling out process. (Yeah yeah yeah insert communication, express wants and all that all advice column speak.)What’s more interesting is the differing opinions on the online courting. Retell this story out of the matrix, they meet at a bar, talk frequently, hook up a few times, he keeps pressing for them to be together eventually and now a year into it, he says lets see where things go. Now he appears to be the one leading on. In both instances, those sweet nothings and hypotheticals were empty, the difference is what happened in cyberspace is more assumed remain there and in real life. For some reason.
People love to pretend “the internet isn’t real” when its convenient to do so, as if there’s not thoughts behind the words, feelings behind them, people behind them. This isn’t the 1995 when the heaviest internet users were creeps, nerds and agoraphobics, its 2014 where everyone is connected. It’s a copout to dismiss someone on the internet when you, a real person, are on the internet. Peach’s mistake in falling for a guy from Twitter is no different from falling for the guy who buys her a drink. Ol boy’s stance to “see” where things are going lacks merit because Peach is as real as she’s ever going to be, so just call it what it is; you told her what she wanted to here, got a couple nudes, a few lovers weekends but that’s all it was.
Been there. Its no different than any other dude lying to kick it in real life. Been there also.
I been “Peach” too, investing time and feelings into someone only to have the rug snatched from under me. She plays the internet card while left singing “Am I Wrong” like Nico &Vinz and that song wasn’t even out yet.
LDRs are for suckers. By rule, people tend to rationalize wrong behavior by dehumanizing the wronged (like an unarmed teenager……nope i wont go there today, stay tuned tho). Relegating someone to words on a screen or an intimate relationship to online role play drives one mad because you know you aren’t delusional in thinking it was real. It’s not even worth trying to convince that real feelings was hurt been there as well and just have to move on. to locals only no matter how awesome this new one seems