For better part of my dating life, I’ve dated bigger women. Not as a fetish, not as a secret, not as the safer alternative. I never even heard the terms “BBW” or “pear/apple shape” until social media, where it’s taken somewhat of a life of its own. To be real, I don’t like to even refer to a woman as a “big girl”, it lends itself to the notion that she’s somehow different from any other girl. I have similar stances to women outside my race and older. As for thicker women, its primarily just been what I’ve been attracted to; man like curves, chubby girl has curves, man likes chubby girl, I never thought I was doing anything special, nor did she. I don’t defend my preference, I detest those memes about how big girls ride better, nor did I ever feel as though she was or ought to be “easier”. She’s my girlfriend not a statement.
Enter….Lily (she had another name but I forgot), me and Lily dated briefly one summer, didn’t work out. For a multitude of reasons. Me and Lily remained civil, and by civil I mean she pops up every couple of months trying to get that old thing back after some other dude broke her heart. On her latest attempt, I respectfully decline #thelob, she sits and reflects on this rejection and retorts “its because I’m fat, I know it is you ain’t gotta lie.”
Full disclosure, after I broke up with Lily way back when my next girlfriend was fairly petite, so in her mind it was forever engrained that she was REALLY my type. The dialogue that followed went into how every man “likes” the big girl, they’ll flirt, they’ll smash, they’ll entertain but at the end of the day they always rather wife a smaller woman yada yada yada. At this point, I could correct her, maybe even reassure her of her beauty, but it would fall on deaf ears; I’m just another man who didn’t want her. My inaction will speak louder than words. These are the breaks.
For what its worth, I never cared about her weight. What turned me off to her as you could tell from that anecdote was a overall lack of confidence. Just as I think most men, whether she’s skinny or plenty, has a low tolerance for low self esteem. When we dated, I always felt I set a standard that hopefully she would forever hold others to. She’s someone’s queen, even if she isn’t mine. However I set one standard, society and cold beds set another. Lily has unfortunately fallen into this fallacy of what a “big girl’s” dating life should be…..low expectations, promiscuity, overcompensation. Alas, she returns to my inbox with another story wondering if this is what its supposed to be like, I tell her no, she doesn’t believe me. Perhaps I just got persuer privilege (not that its so easy for a chubby brotha….spinoff post? Maybe.) But what I do know is, size doesn’t dictate worth. Lily is no less worthy of love than Kelly Rowland, and hopefully, eventually she’ll accept that not from me but from herself. Also, say no to Buckfoys kids, like seriously.