Monthly Archives: April 2014

Today’s Word is… PRIVILEGE

image

So I stumbled across an interesting post on ThoughtCatalog.  For those who didn’t just up and leave me and go read that post (I mean that’s kinda rude I say one sentence and you just exit stage right…), the post was from a 20 something white woman who struggles to identify with her privilege.  She talks about reverse racism, insensitivity to her sensitivity, and gives a unique perspective as a heel in a world evolving of more and more diverse faces.  (Wrestling reference FTW).  Are these inconveniences some kind of retribution for something she had nothing to do with? Is she supposed to harbor guilt because she was born without melanin?  Can a white person have a plight?  She ain’t got the answers Sway, hell Stan doesn’t either.  The comments were full of bitter resentment for POC, some told their own story of reverse racism, growing up around black people and being picked on for being the white guy on the block, or maybe they just watched 8 mile.

She did come off as whiny publishing a blog to hundreds of thousands of people to vent about jokes and not being able to just be a victim sometimes.  I’d let Amy Schumer roast me for 3 hours if it meant I didn’t have to be stopped by police randomly and have my name ran.  Not amused by “Becky” jokes, Shantae just got her resume skipped over because her name is Shantae.  I’d gladly trade places, (well no I wouldn’t I don’t think I’d make an attractive white man, I’d probably look like Fred Durst.).

Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh, lets take it down a few notches….

I will say that we all have some sort of privilege in some form or fashion.  I’ll never truly understand how a woman feels when she sees a bunch of “b itches ain’t sh t” tweets.  I can empathize as a human, as a compassionate person but I’ll never quite…get it.  I’m thought back to discussions I’d have with M, she’d point out when I’d say a joke like “what’s white people’s obsession with salted caramel all of a sudden” and while I might roll my eyes initially I can take a step back and realize, yeah had she made a watermelon joke I’d have some words.  Where the author lost me was the idea that she was a victim of her own privilege, perhaps she’s a few years too young to understand the real moral of the story, know when to sit one out.

Essentially that’s what “privilege” boils down to; you don’t get it so shut the fuggup.  The man with 3 jobs trying to make ends meet don’t want to hear about some damn pick yourself up by your bootstraps, black women are playing tiny violins for the white women feel some type of way about “black love”, a woman concerned about her personal safety gives no fux what I feel about street harassment.  The author said she couldn’t have opinions because she was white, and she was half right, she can’t have an opinion on racism because she has no idea what racism really feels like.  And trust, she’s mighty blessed not to.

-Stan-

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Oh, Internet, Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… TURMOIL

[EDITORS NOTE: 200 posts! I feel like this should be a happier post (like my 100th post wasnt on rape culture, a two parter at that) anyway, this was gonna be a twitter rant but as you can see that would’ve been a whole lotta tweets…so yeah…]

image

*Opens Pandora*

Two of my bishes in the club….and I know they know about each other.

*skips track*

We’d be in the same room
We don’t ever say shit
Let’s keep it between me and you
And we cool (Cause they don’t know)

*skips track*

These heauxs ain’t loyal

R&B station I was listening to, or so I thought.  I always had somewhat of an old soul, when I came to music I listened to what people in the house did.  My mother was about her oldies, my eldest sister was about her R&B groups.  It’s a far cry from what R&B is considered now, dudes are too tough (August Alsina and the 10 lightskinned tatted ninjas who all sound alike) , too glow stick music-y (Usher, Ne-Yo) too high (The Weeknd).  Some songs are admittedly catchy but when did slow jams die out, when did it become unpopular to express love.  I miss wingman music, dudes singing what I wanted to say for me.  Enter the Dru has about 8 tracks that resonate with me to this day, I don’t care about artist X’s side chick. Its all about hindsight, Drake made a career singrapping about how he wasn’t shit; he’s not going to do better yet but still, its unfortunate.  Cry for him, Argentina.  Anyway,  it’s a reflection on the market, love and passion ain’t hot in these streets.  Love is boring.

And it should be.  

There’s this illusion that love is about overcoming adversity, competing with these other heauxs, break up to make up, who’s gonna text first, was that tweet about me? Nah.  If drama is fueling your relationship it’s going to end….badly…very badly.  Then again, sometimes you’re just so nice and drama free you find yourself getting dissed for a hoodrat or buckfoy because while they blowing up their phone with nonsense and all you did was say you hoped they had a good day.  It’s sad but true, I’ve stopped pleasant conversations with nice women because this other one pissed me off.  One time I wanted to clear the air with someone, got ignored, one subtweet later she had unlimited time and 75 WPM typing speed.  You can make her smile, but he made her cry herself to sleep, so that holds more weight. Nice is boring, sweet is boring, we crave drama and it’s pretty sad.  It’s why a Cosby show wouldn’t work in 2014, women resonate more with a Being Mary Jane than a Claire Huxtable.  Men resonate more with a dude from from Black Ink Crew than a Cory Matthews. 

Wait how did I get on this soapbox? Lemme step down.

Anyway, it’s a brave new world.  I think that’s just become my explanation for a lot of things.  I think disrespect has just become way too acceptable in mainstream society.  Men are way too comfortable disrespecting women,  ones they “love” or otherwise and women have adapted to just withstand it. To bring it full circle, its about overcoming adversity;

“he cheated on you? Don’t let that heaux tear away your family…..ENDURE.” 

“She cussed you out after you did something wrong? “Man, fuh that bih that thot ain’t sh t”

The new normal.  Or something.

-Stan-

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… GROWTH

image

Tell em Auntie....no Maya Angelou is not my aunt, but I think I could probably sell people on that lie, its so random it just might work

Yeah so I’m just kinda thinking out loud….vibe with me.

So I’m on my commute home and I see this dude and his lady doing entirely too much PDA on the train.  Kids these days.  Anyway, she gets off at her stop, he gets one more smooch for the road and these other two newbreeds get on and they happen to know him.  Train departs…

“Yo she fat as sh t fam, that’s how you do”
“Ain’t even like that, she just sucks my d ck”

Two white women really wish they didn’t hear that, an old lady clutches her pearls, another woman rolls her eyes and turns up her music. He shares a glance with me because he knew I peeped game, I go back to reading my book. 

The girl was a little hefty but she was pretty in the least R Kelly way possible and dude was just dragging her to impress some other guys, what part of the game is that?  Its one of those things that I thought was common knowledge but isn’t.  I think I don’t give my parents enough credit that I’m actually a pretty good guy and apparently there’s large room for error.

Now I don’t know that newbreed from a hole in a wall but I will say the guy that would grope his girlfriend in public on the subway would turn around and mock her to his friends.  The man with 3 kids, 3 mothers probably isn’t the one you should mess with.  I’m never floored by the viral “exposing” that goes on on Twitter, you mean the guy with an @ I _______ hoes name isn’t above posting revenge porn, that’s a shocker.  They say don’t judge a book by it’s cover but sometimes only a few pages is needed to see the book ain’t sh t. 

People grow, people change but less than we give credit for.  I’m more mature than I was but 16 year old me wouldn’t have disowned my lady, 16 year old me wouldn’t have a child and not take of them.  Or maybe I’m cynical when I think that for the most part people are who they are but with hindsight we become better people.  We know right and wrong, we know what we’re supposed to do at school, at work, in a relationship, in society we just choose not to because we don’t care.  I’d like to think I can look at myself 10 years ago and even in the hood, even with the 4X tee, ignorant as all hell and say he’s going to be alright.  Even my friends at the time, their paths didn’t turn out as different as you would’ve guessed 10 years ago (2 college grads, a hardworking father, a good dude, and the rest still in the hood, prison or lost to the streets).  Anyway, the point of all this is to say that as we get older we still become the realized version of the seed planted many years ago.  Rarely can we look back 10 years and say we’re exactly what we planned to be, but morals, empathy, respect….you don’t just learn those, they aren’t necessarily acquired with age either.

-Stan-

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Today’s Word is… CUFFING

[Editor’s Note: Another oldie but goodie, with a few added thoughts, also i think ima just post on Mondays (and maybe Thursday) going forward…enjoy]

Awww n shit

“I don’t wanna be a player no more” – Joe

Cuffing season is upon us.  No BDSM.  For those  who aren’t aware of this phenomena, basically when the weather cools down people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves desiring to be “cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship.  

(Yeah I know ita Spring now, also for what its worth spring should be officially “cuffing” season, beautiful days call for outings with beautiful women, rainy days in > snow days, thunder buddies, and if April showers bring May flowers who is going to get said flowers…you ain’t got the answers Sway)

I never been one to pay much attention to said season, for me it’s always cuffing season, I suck at being single.  Ironically enough, I love to date win over new hearts, hit the reset button on all my funny stories but I’m not the single type.  I much rather be in a relationship, and because I haven’t done a list in a while I will do so now

Top 10 reasons why I prefer Relationships

10. Taken Men are way more desired: Something I noticed, women love them some taken men.  Perhaps its wanting what they can’t have or the fact that they actually have another person to size themselves up to but I always get more attention in a relationship than single (not that I take advantage, I’m a loyal dude and whatnot)

9.  Sense of accomplishment: If everyone supposedly is looking for that one, if you are in a stable relationship, aren’t you winning? Some would say otherwise but I’ll happily go out with the team and know I already have pink matter waiting back home, it’s like having a first round bye.

8. Relationship Fraternity: It’s hard to relate to people in relationships when you’re single, it’s like being the only person who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight Rises yet (is it on DVD yet? *sigh*).

(I’ve seen Dark Knight but haven’t seen Captain America, so still *sigh* #blerdlines)

Single person always going to cosign your flawed argument and suggest you leave,  they want you to pledge Single Beta Single.  

7. Get away with soft stuff: Romantic comedies, wearing pastel colors, candles, not going to the bar, all man laws that are okay to be broken when you’re in a relationship.  If I wasn’t sure I could pull a look off, “shorty got it for me” was my foolproof excuse.

It was a gift…

6. Always having +1: The Friday night in scrolling thru your phone struggle is real, it’s nice to always have a date for whatever, networking events, restaurants you want to try, sitting in the crib watching netflix, it’s always better with someone.  

5. Reflection: You learn a lot about yourself in a relationships, things your family may not tell you, your friends may not notice and you’re unwilling to accept about yourself.  Good and bad, relationships help mold you. A good woman knows how to call you on your sh t without being a nag, its a lost art.

4. Consistent Sex: Well, duh

3. Getting better at sex: We talking about practice man, it’s what stops one from becoming the “talks too much guy” or “Mr. licks too fast”, also you teach her like Yeezy.  There’s a comfort when you’re in a relationship than just casually smashing, you can be direct and honest and try things.

2. Perks: Having someone to talk to, someone in your corner, someone to make a sideeye with in awkward conversation, someone to

Perks.

pick up your dry cleaning while their out, a guarenteed Birthday present, there’s plenty of perks that just come with a relationship you don’t even realize until they’re gone

 

 

 

1. Love: The obvious one, being in love.  It’s the ultimate high, being with someone you love and loves you all the same.  You have that extra pep in your step because they kissed you as you left, just hearing their name makes you swoon.  The idea that someone was once a stranger, and now you can’t see yourself without them, it’s the penultimate feeling.

-Stan-

8 Comments

Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships

Today’s Word is… SUPERWOMAN

image

I used to be able to read the Iliad in Latin.

I used to know Pi to 20 places.

A Calculus textbook might as well be written in French, which I also used to know. 

I remember their birthday.
Most of their favorite foods.
I remember their relatives.
Stories of their past, their memories forever intertwined with mine as if I experienced them myself.

Eh, give me Latin.

Its a dead language of romance but still more valuable than the language of dead romance that is lost intimacy.  I think about the times I allowed myself to be vulnerable and while in the moment it was a feeling of peace like no other but when the love fades I’m just trying to get them secrets back.  I don’t want to be her and his pillow talk, a funny story she shares during ladies night, (or the subject of a blog, twitter rant, loosely characterized in a novel).  Ultimately, I got to take the L, because generally women want vulnerability.  Not shamelessly open, as she still wants to be one that turns breaks down the walls.  She wants to be Superwoman.  However, men typically aren’t looking to be saved.  At least I’m not.

In my experience, the most vulnerable of men are simply being manipulative. They are way more in their feelings, unapologetically broke, no plans just dreams, grinds no investments.  I look at my sister and Hurricane Buckfoy and all I see is a relationship of duty not love.  Mistresses know of the partner who makes him so unhappy, and she’s the escape. I have a friend who notoriously dates “projects” if a few things come together he’d be perfect but in the meantime she’s his everything and she accepts the role, cape flying in the wind.

Now to keep it all the way 100, I too have used vulnerability for gains.  Men and women both run that “I’m afraid of getting too close” game. I’ve thrown bones just because, nothing really humbling but enough to build some form of intimacy.  Then I’ve really felt close enough to open up to people, shared things I never thought I would. Its almost like an out of body experience, you are telling yourself shut up but you’re just flowing.   She just takes it all in, the secrets, the emotions, the feelings and no burden is too great, she’s Superwoman.  But once its all over, now what? 

Superwoman finds a new person to save, just as I find myself having to start over with a new one.  Maybe in time my Superwomen will become like Calculus, and I’ll become like the lines this one girl forgot during a play in middle school…..see why do I know that but can’t remember C++, this some ol bullshit.

-Stan-

1 Comment

Filed under Dating, Love, Randomness