Closure is a privilege, not a right. Its great when you fall out with someone and are able to get feelings out and then be able to heal but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. So what happens when those texts get no response, calls go to voicemail, no one bites on those subliminal ass posts? You got one last play; the manifesto.
The manifesto is the Ima get these feelings out and whether you respond or not I get the last word letter. I’ve got my fair share of them and regrettably I even sent out one of my own. I say regrettably because the thing about getting this one last thing off your chest is that more often than not, you don’t want that to be the last thing. Essentially, you bet on the other person’s ego that they won’t sit idly by and let you carve out their legacy incorrectly.
There has been times I’ve been moved to respond. The audacity of someone to play victim when they’re clearly in the wrong. Eventually I learned her perception of me will never be in my control, as long as I know what went down and I hold myself accountable so I can grow from it. I say all that as I received yet another manifesto, filled with what I done, how she feels and revisionist history. What of course stood out most of all, the ultimate indictment on my character, the usual go to excuse, that I was simply that guy who wanted one thing. I was offended. Almost enough to tell her all about herself but thought better of it, and well, here I am now, posting words she doesn’t deserve from me. I wasn’t offended by her statement as much as her logic; that having received her body, she was owed my heart.
Now full disclosure, I won’t be the guy to say “she knew what this was” and not take personal responsibility. I wasn’t interested, I knew it and probably would’ve used better discretion if I wasn’t trying to get over someone else. What happened happened and it would be way more unfair to pretend that it was anything more than what it was. I’ve been THAT guy before, he’s no hero either. When you start to go down that road how long after sex until its okay to fall back, 1 month? 3 months? 2nd time she does something wrong? You don’t have the answers Sway.
I hate that I feel like I’m somewhat slut shaming but I also hate that only lends itself to the idea that as a man, I did exactly what men are expected to do in the “Doo Wop (That Thing)”scenario (which I need a fresh post to expound on, so I’ll leave that alone for now). Perhaps I’m reading too much into this, we’re adults and I probably regret that night more than she does. I guess I just don’t like feeling like I took something I can’t give back. I’ll figure it out.