“You just looking giddy over there, you gotta be talking to some new _____ old _____ don’t make you giddy like that”
Love, they said “love”. We’ll go with that. A colleague’s observation when I got a message at lunch. He’s wrong and right, I wasn’t talking to anyone “new” per se but he’s right in the sense that there’s something to meeting someone new. Not to say that wives/girlfriends don’t make a man just as happy but even before that person became said wife or girlfriend, they were just a stranger, follower, acquaintance and as time wore on the relationship blossomed. Regardless of where we stand currently, I fondly remember how I met most people or rather, when/how they blossomed into someone important in my life. Anyway, it did spark spontaneous debate on old vs new, one I found interesting as the married and single guys went the opposite as one would think, guess it’s a grass is greener thing.
They want some new trim, we lust for some trust- Andre 3000
Myself, I was split. I’ve mentioned occasionally here that I hate dating now, it’s harder to get to know people these days when every feeling is a status update and every action is a precedent. There’s blogs/books/seminars that think they are giving women “the playbook” when really they are just building up paranoia with nonsense like “If he gets his steak medium well he’ll leave you for a white girl”. New loves come with a whole new set of luggage you’re going to have to get over. Every woman you met is single for a reason, she broke someone’s heart and/or someone broke hers. You helped your ex get over her insecurities now here she comes with a brand new batch for you to alleviate all over again. You yourself had your own intimacy issues and now you gotta slowly weed her in because the last time went SO well. Your last ex didn’t mind texting, this one is traditional, she doesn’t do that thing you like, you’re not as attractive as her ex and it’s written all over her homegirl’s face. It can be a headache.
Of course there’s the benefits to starting over, you’re chance at redemption, a comeback for love, a clean slate. She doesn’t have years of evidence of you being an asshole (yet), your stories are interesting again, you’re following a loser ex, in her eyes you’re already winning. You both have the hindsight of failed relationships and know exactly what to do now (presumably). You want to know more about each other, it’s a new quest to conquer. There’s just a little something extra in someone else wanting you. But of course, new doesn’t last forever so what do you do then? Just keep going conquest to conquest, serving as a mere projection that never becomes real, therefore can never disappoint. Maybe. Some do. Works for them. Just saying.
My married colleagues can say it’s cool to keep having new adventures, they can live vicariously through me (although my life is really not as fun as they assume) and they can do that because while new love is fun, convenient and there’s just something special about it, nothing tops stability and consistency. They can pretend they want to head to happy hours and scope new talent but they head to the crib to their wives and watch HGTV. New adventures are fun while they last; I miss when “Dessi” was just some girl I sorta knew, I miss when “She” was just my friend, I miss when I couldn’t wait to hear from “Her” but eventually the glimmer fades and they become a blessing earned or lesson learned. Meeting new people can only hope to recapture that same excitement and some times it does but honestly, the shit just gets old.