Monthly Archives: December 2013

Today’s Word is… RESOLUTION

You know what’s actually become more annoying than people’s New Years resolutions, the people who hate people who come up with new years resolutions. Contrarians in true contrarian fashion have always feel the need to stand on their soapbox and remind everyone that nothing’s changed but the year, that there’s nothing you can aspire to change in 2014 you couldn’t have done June 7th. Ninja duh. Inspiration can come from anywhere, the next self made millionaire probably just got his motivation from a song. You know what really inspired me to lose weight, seeing a guy on the train shaped like the number 4. Whether it’s a new year, new week, new haircut, as long as the drive is there, who gives a damn. Progression has become something to be ashamed of, only on the internet. Nothing wrong with trying, if at first you don’t succeed dust yourself off and try again and shit.

Anyway tho, as I close the book on my first full calendar year of blogging (Spoiler Alert, this is going to be my last post of the year, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Fesitvus, Happy New Years) I can’t help but think what awaits me in 2014. 2014 just sounds futuristic as hell, where the hell is my hoverboard yo. So contrarian smontrarian, for 2014 we need a resolution, or 20.

Thank Care Later Was the Same I can say the first major change for SFW2k14 is I’m just really tired of talking about myself. Looking back, I never realized how personal I got, I guess ranting about relationships and lacks thereof is low hanging fruit, and I’ll leave that to Drake. Also, I need to work on communicating better, and not hiding behind Stan and passive aggressive tweets.

New Look? I’m a really novice web designer and really broke to pay someone to do it, after all it’s just a free web-hosted blog…

So Graduate from WordPress to an actual webhost? Eh, maybe.

How Bout that Novel you was working on? After a year of reading struggle novels on Amazon Prime (one book the author misspelled her protagonist name 3 times and I quit), I really think I can write a novel now. I did briefly try NaNoWriMo but between football season, a full time job and being a fake socialite I just ain’t have time for that

No PromoTo some it seems bass ackwards to have 4000 followers via instagram/facebook/twitter and still refuse to promote by blog, but I like keeping my brands separate artistic/bougie/ratchet, respectively. However, I will try to be a little less incognegro, guest posts and alldat, so if you have space on your blog “can I come over” (yes that makes 3 Aaliyah references)

That’s a fairly easy doable list, as for myself I’m already awesome I mean sure I could travel more, swear less, lose about 30 more lbs, spend more time with friends and family, figure out what I wanna be when I grow up, stop wasting time on women I don’t want to commit to, be more patient, learn how to code, network more, invest time and money more wisely, forgive people, pray more, be less self conscious, stop being so introverted, surround myself with better people, don’t be afraid to love, laugh more, buy a PS4, stop saying the n word, and get back in school but besides that, there isn’t a single thing to change.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… LOVED

Tupac warned us about this.  

Two decades later, we have a race of babies that hate the ladies that makes the babies.  These babies have grown to become men still burdening that hate as society continues to spoon feed these babies food for thought about the diminished value of the black woman.  It trickles down to the women themselves, who feel unappreciated, unwelcome, un-loved, not by society in general but worse by the very men who share their skin, share their plight.  

When I was approached to participate in this #loveletterstoBW challenge, I took a second to think why do I love black women in spite of the world seemingly giving me the okay to feel otherwise, in spite of having been betrayed by black women, attacked by black women, disappointed in black women.  To my black women, I love you because of your beauty, inside and out.  Black don’t crack is what they say and the implication is more than skin deep.  You don’t crack when mainstream culture says the standard of beauty is straight hair and fair skin.  You don’t crack when you love us men so fearlessly, there’s no levels to the shit, you give your all and even when you fall, you climb back up ready to fall again.  You don’t crack when you have to prepare your own little kings and queens for the tough world ahead, strict yet fair.  

 I love you for the confidence that beams from your melanin, from the way that you walk and the attention you command when you talk.  From makeup to your dress, when you decorate your canvas and I’m caught looking I’m just admiring the art.  I love you for the motivation, from my mother who made me believe I can do anything to my readers new and old who inspire me to write.  Whether you’re a student or professional, I see your hustle and it only motivates me to do more.  

I admire the will, strength and drive of my black queens; I can only begin to understand what you go through.  Mothers, wives, sisters, aunties, to whomever this may concern I say I love and you and I say that not to woo or suck up.  I say that because it needs to be said, needs to be reiterated, needs to be internalized.  As a black man I assure you that I have not given up on you and I plead that you don’t give up on us.  

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… DEFENSE

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So recently the photo of Flotus flower bomb Michelle Obama raining on the President’s parade made it’s rounds on the internet and while the conservative media was happy to run with the angry black woman angle most of us laughed and lauded Mrs Obama’s impeccable defense. Defense is a slippery slope, on one hand you should trust your partner to know better but still there’s times when one must simply remind others around them that this one’s spoken for. There’s levels to this sh t; there’s subtle gestures which are clever and effective; and there’s full blown confrontation, which is never a good look for anyone. When you’re in a relationship, no matter who you are there will be times where you have to play defense, and when the moment arises you can play it cool or make an ass of yourself. Knowing when and how is key, there’s a difference between confronting a waitress who merely smiled at your boyfriend and grabbing his hand when you see someone checking him out.

“So who’s this Siri you keep talking to”

The Trojan War was started over a woman, the survivor traveled the war for a decade, got home and killed a mob of men for his woman. These days, men have gone full Washington Taterskins when it comes to playing defense. *cue rimshot* The “every night I got to fight to prove my love” (gold star if you got this reference) guy is long gone. Today’s man is more cocky and assume their girl is the sword in the stone only he can yield. I’m not one to play defense, perhaps it’s arrogance but if I’m handling business on my end then there’s nothing to worry about. If my good is not good enough then I picked the wrong one to begin with. If I have to worry about who she with, where she at, where she going, then I ought to worry who I’m with, where we at, where we’re going? People are loyal to a fault, relationships are optional if you’re that uncomfortable, leave, you don’t need evidence or a conviction by a jury of their peers. Confrontation is never a good look, only thing that can come from it is getting your ass kicked or playing yourself. I’ve gotten calls/texts from guys asking about my relationship with their lady, whether there was or wasn’t something going on they already are losing…badly. There’s nothing more demoralizing than having someone else reassure you that your lady is being faithful. Okay, there is one thing, and that’s getting your ass kicked by the same guy who is slaying your queen.

Women these days are much more defensive minded. It’s a point of pride, we all know somebody who know somebody who’s fighting tooth and nail for an ain’t sh t guy because she’ll be damned to “lose” him to her. Where men are arrogant, women are not as much, they guard the stone for which the stone is stuck from even insects, not on their watch will anyone take what should be assumed as theirs. The sidechick doesn’t even have to actually exist, the mere idea of one is enough to keep some women on their toes. I’ve had girlfriends step to neighbors, coworkers, exes online, just to make sure that her presence was felt. As far as confrontation, they’ve picked up where men left off, they take up arms for their man. Look no farther than the Sharkeisha video…started over some guy who she’ll probably never think about 3 years from now. You see women having kids to keep men around, forgiving infidelity just to be able to have him come home to her, you can’t help but wonder if it’s more about him or them.

As partners, men and women have limited patience with s/o’s who insist on playing defense more often than not to the detriment of their own offense. She’s worried about whose pictures he likes on instagram, oblivious to the fact he’s unhappy about a lack of communication. He’s so worried about her “work husband” he doesn’t even realize she’s fed up with his drinking. This goes back to my previous point, if you’re doing what you’re supposed to do, there’s nothing to worry about on your end. In relationships, the best defense is a good offense. You know what they say, what you won’t do…

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… SHACKING

When it comes to advice, I’m probably much more vocal online than in real life. If I wrote a blog about why someone is cheating or tweet my perspective on a situation, it’s just out there, to whom it may concern take it or leave it. People you know, too much defending, too close to potential backfire, I just rather not. So when my boy told me he was getting a place with his girlfriend, in my head I wanted to say “you’re going to regret it, don’t do it, you don’t want them problems”, what I actually said is “that’s what’s up”. Now even if I went the other route, I doubt we’d fight about it more likely he wouldn’t listen to me in the first place, so it’s easier to just skip the theatrics. Now, I’ve been around his girlfriend a couple times, she’s nice and he adores her so for all I know I’m wrong, but as someone who’s been there and is never wrong about these things I can only sit back and hope for the best.

The pros and cons are there, pro: it’s cheaper con: that’s that shit God don’t like (did I really use God and a Chief Keef lyric, I feel like I might get struck by lightning when I hit publish *repents*). I weighed all of those myself before I gave “she” the (key)ring and unlimited access to what was my kingdom, my sanctuary, my fortress of solitude. It was all good at first but then, there’s pretty much realities one faces when moving in with their s/o.

It’s their house too now– You come home and their friends at the crib watching TV, you want them gone but the other head of the household has given clearance. Their Parents bought a new house and moving all of their old belongings from their garage to your garage. You want to watch the game but she wants to watch Keeping Up With the Love and Basketball Wives Ink Crew Atlanta

Check in required– “Where are you” texts are the worst. From the second you checked that message, you are now on the clock. You say you’ll be home in an hour guess who’ll be up watching Netflix in an hour.

Chores– No matter how neat you think you are, or when you think it’s necessary to do, they will have another opinion. She used to eat dinner at 8-9pm, now he gets home at 6 and would like a meal. He was gonna get around to the dishes, she would like them done not now, but right now.

#thestruggle


You aren’t saving money– You’d think with half the rent means extra money in your pocket, but that just goes to extra food, toiletries, and decor. Oh and quiet nights in aren’t special when every night is a quiet night in, so that means date nights and more of that money you thought you was saving

You get dumped and you’re homeless #atthesamedamntime– Relationships end in two ways, marriage or breakup. Simple logic says if you move in with someone either you’re going to marry them or one of you are going to have to move out. If it’s an amicable breakup, maybe one will give the other time to land on their feet (which is a trap, they will sleep on the couch for a while but ultimately they going to work their way back in)

Daily sex is a myth– You’d think it’s there at your convenience because it isn’t going anywhere, but it’s there at THEIR convenience because, ain’t like it’s going anywhere.

No escape during fights– That sinking feeling when you know a fight is just sitting at home waiting for you or you storm off and realize you just left your own damn house with nowhere to go.


They dress all the way down at home– Not the cutesy instagram make up, bra and boy shorts #goodnight way, like your basketball shorts and t shirt and her hair wrapped kinda way, oh and when she’s sick…..man, look

Of course, it’s not all bad. Having someone to come home to after a long day, staying at home and doing nothing seems infinitely cooler with a ladyfriend there, someone to spoon every night…it takes work but if both parties are committed it can be the start of something much greater. Just make sure you have a back up plan for the back up plan.

-Stan-

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