I’m not a relationship expert, I don’t even play one on TV. This blog is more or less me thinking out loud and when readers do reach out for my perspective, tell me about a post they like, or just to #heyboo, I appreciate the love. My gmail aside from sweet nothings from a special someone, is otherwise full of bullsh t any other time, no matter how many things I unsubscribe from….I’m rambling. Anyway, when readers do ask for my perspective on an issue, I try to be as objective as possible. I try to take myself out the conversation, but this last one, it really touched on a pet peeve of mine.
Quick summary: So the reader was friends with this guy, they dated briefly but then he told her he was busy with school/work and it was best they just be friends. Reader agreed, but of course it turned into a FWB thing, the reader thought she could win him over eventually, when he declined again she blocked his number and on social media, now misses him wants to fix things…..as long as they get back together.
So after getting more information I responded she should respect his wishes and work on the friendship.
“Okay….but how long do I have to be his friend before I bring up us”
“Do you want him or you just want a man”
“I want him to be my man”
This reason this grinds my gears is because of the notion that friendship is somehow a downgrade. She doesn’t care about him or his wishes not to be in a relationship. The situation brought me back to “Miss”, who most of y’all know the story of. What hurt me more than the complete 180 shift in personality is that she pretty much deemed a friendship that budded over years completely irrelevant because she couldn’t have what SHE wanted. I told her things I never told anyone, I loved her just not in the way she desired, and all of it was just a facade apparently. The reader who says she loves this guy more or less is brushing off his friendship as some sort of prerequisite course and it’s pretty disheartening.
Friendships don’t just happen, this isn’t Facebook. While I believe friendship is an important foundation to a relationship, that doesn’t mean it should be overlooked. People whine about the friendzone all the time but it’s really just an overbearing sense of entitlement; “I’m attractive, we get along great, we’re both single, how dare you not want to be with me. You dated whatshisname and he wears tube socks with dress shoes.” Spare me. There’s people I’ve known all my life I still wouldn’t call them a friend. I have friends now that at one time I was the one who wanted more, should I be bitter about and block their number, or just accept another good person in my circle, even if not in the role I intended.
Ultimately, me and the reader reached a consensus to stop being intimate, try being his friend and if she’s still so madly in love it hurts her core not to have him call his own , then she can gradually drift away and wished her luck. Although in full disclosure I don’t buy the too busy thing….actually that’s another post entirely.