“Do you have a brother”
“Oh you just look like this guy…a younger version though”
“cause I’m young and I’m black and my hats real low”
She didn’t know my brother. I didn’t know the guy she was referring to. I would come to know of him as her ex of 3 years who cheated on her, got the other girl pregnant and ultimately just started over with her. Cold game. IShe was a grad student who was only on campus sporadically but as we got to know each other she would come by more and more often and yada yada yada we’re dating. It was a quick transition from that random question at the campus center, I fell for her, at least the idea of her. She wanted to finish school, move away and settle down, I coveted the same thing. However our reasons differed, I wanted that life, any life with her, she wanted the life she envisioned with her ex. I was pretty much just the lightskinned Aunt Vivian filling the role.
More likely than not, we all end up with someone who was someone else’s queen/king before you got there. They hit it hit it hit it hit it hit it first, and there’s nothing you can do about it but put your behind in your pants, or your past behind ya. The difference between being a fresh start and a rebound is simply how over the ex they are. I was naive in the opening paragraph, I knew she wasn’t over her ex, hell I literally reminded her of him. However, she said she was over it, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I like to say now that even then I knew better but she was a rebound of sorts, I had a couple heartbreaks under my belt I just wanted to be done, she was pretty, smart, life of affluence, that’s more than enough to work with, right? I mean she would return those feelings eventually, I’m nothing like her ex. Nope. Wrong again. Rebounds seldom work, love is energy and energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transfered. F ck you science.
Fresh starts are a different story, you’ve ended things, you’ve reflected, you’re ready to start over. Sometimes, we ruin potential great things because we don’t let go soon enough or we think we let go and we’re not as healed as we thought. None of my tweener/rebound relationships worked because I just wasn’t ready, I would say pretty much every even numbered girlfriend.(that’s probably not actually true but just go with it, mmkay.) While I’ve used time (and this blog) to reflect and grow I can say I’m ready to go, no Derrick Rose. Of course, it takes two to tango, so how to tell if I’m THEIR rebound or fresh start. You can’t just have to trust their words and your own instincts. Granted, I whiffed before but I can either run from it or learn from it (for those keeping score that’s 3 Lion King references, triple word score). You can’t change the past, you can’t undo memories, only have to be patient and create new ones.