I hate how much I love this new Juicy J album. It’s ignorance at it’s finest, not even in a ignorant rapper who’s somewhat oblivious making ratchet music under the guise of “I just want to tell my story”, Juicy J’s “Stay Trippy” is pure unadulterated ratchetness and I’m here for it. Ratchet hip hop is a guilty pleasure of mine, most of it is so bad it’s magnificent. Yesterday I gave a peek into my nerdy side, so I minds well show the other side of the coin, I am a Gemini after all. While I consider myself an intellectual there’s just some thing I can’t shake whether it’s from childhood or just entertains me as an adult….so allow me to list my 10…..15….20? Idk how many I’ll just spitball them until I run out of ideas, ratchet things someone of a grown man 160+ I.Q. shouldn’t like but does.
–Aforementioned Juicy J album- Sit still during Bandz a Make her Dance, I dare you.
Hot Mess Mondays on VH1– mostly blame Dessiner for this, but I’m here for all the brain cell killing television except Basketball Wives. I hate them all.
“Tho”– If you read here or follow on twitter you know I use “tho” a lot, it just fits the end every sentence better than any punctuation can
Hood literature– Back in my aspiring novelist days I would read a lot of urban fiction to get a solid grasp for pacing and dialogue and build my confidence that I can sure write something of this caliber. Yet some novels just suck me in, despite the outlandish plots and dramatics.
Ramen Noodles the quintessential struggle food, that even if it has more salt than Donovan McNabb talking about RGIII, or the first bowl always tastes good then the next time tastes like Mountain bike tires and crushed dreams, they have a place in my shopping cart, every time.
Battle Raps on Youtube the 6th American major sport behind football, basketball, baseball, hockey and real world/road rules challenge
Crunk Music circa 2006 That jump up for no reason, step on someone’s Air Force music, and the soundtrack to most of my Sunday jogs
Jeezy ad-libs– Ayyyyye. Yeeeah. That’s Riiiiiight.
Kool Aid– Take ya mio and crystal light’s and shove it, red koolaid (because red is a flavor, don’t tell me different) owns.
Morning ratchet block– Jerry Springer, Maury, Steve, they’re horribly scripted and I should feel some type of way of 3 old white guys exploiting black people but when I have a day off I can’t help but watch
Twerkers on YouTube
Really Bad Movies– The poor acting, ridiculous plot, the obviously cheap production on some Netflix films, it’s unintentional comedy. Temptation is probably the worst movie I ever seen but damn if it’s not funny
Live Tweeting Award Shows-I can’t believe I used to watch these things without twitter….I had so much material in 05 which no one to share them with
Keeping VOSS and Ciroc bottles as decoration Actually that’s not even ratchet, that’s green.
Keeping Shoeboxes as storage I have Shoeboxes full of nothing and I own an empty filing cabinet, Brady keeps destroying my Shoeboxes now anyway, guess that’s an intervention
Sneaking food in the movie theater Why women have these huge purses if they not trying to carry a doggie bag in it
#blacktwitter– Off the wall and seemingly unemployed, some of my favorite follows on twitter have not one ounce of filter
Ratchet Podcasts– Audio versions of black twitter, for when I need a laugh at work
Flip Flops in public-Well public means within a mile radius, if you see me in a mall with socks and flip flops feel free to throat chop me
Hennessey– Idk if Hennessey is considered ratchet but I tend to only drink it when I’m in the hood so I’m counting it.
But you know besides those and a the others I’m ashamed to mention , I’m the farthest thing from ratchet. *finishes typing this on a usb keyboard he took from work because the r key on his laptop stopped working*