Today’s Word is… RESERVATION

So almost every morning before work like most people I head to the local coffeeshop (I get tea because I’m not big on having coffee then having my stomach start twerking all morning…tmi, well it’s not really tmi but it’s just random unnecessary information RNI).  So at this coffeeshop I see this woman, she’s usually on her way in as I leave or vice versa we smile at each other, say hi and keep it moving.  Don’t know her from a hole in a wall but I live in a small suburban town, sometimes it’s just instinct to say hi to another face who shares my melanin level.  So the other day she finally breaks the fourth wall and starts up spontaneous conversation. She complimented my haircut commented how I look so much younger.  Inquisitively, I asked how old she thinks I am…she gives me a good hard look and says well now you look in your late 20s. As I shook off the unintentional shade and made a mental committment to get full nights rest and apparently shave more frequently, I reply “well I just turned 25 so…”.  She made a funny face, I commented on the shift in demeanor she just said, “Oh I just wished you were older”, not thought, not assumed, wished.  Anyway, I had to go to work…to be continued. 

(Well actually, why build suspense. There’s not much of a story left, I seen her again asked her she just said she was attracted to me but didn’t want to play herself lusting after a younger man. I didn’t bother to object. The end.)

It’s kind of my usual experience with older women, they assume I’m uninterested and see themselves out.  In this very instance she was correct, but it brought me back to the plenty of “I shouldn’t like you” “I don’t want to feel like a cougar” “you don’t want someone like me” “boy you just don’t know”s I get online or in real life regularly.  There was a time I basked in being a guilty pleasure; something about making women reluctantly go against the grain just for me was enthralling.  Then it got real old real quick, no pun intended. In earlier posts I talked about my experiences with actually dating older women, that same insecurity plagued early and they opted for dard hick and bubble gum package rather than face any sort of rejection they’ve already braced themselves for.  It also made me think about my last post on approaching in general and the times I probably counted myself out before I tried and how frustrating it must’ve made them feel.  To an extent that’s kind of how I feel, I’m not superficial, I’m not lust crazy, don’t tell me I don’t want that or you’re not good enough. 

This actually extends beyond older women, I hate when people play the victim, especially with me because I’m very blunt and honest no need to read between the lines.  When people make assumptions about me, I usually just let them believe it because i’m too annoyed to plead a case.  Tell me “oh I guess you don’t want to talk” I will let you stew in your own theory. It’s annoying because I’m very honest, if I don’t like you I will say so, I don’t want to talk to you I will say so. Don’t put words in my mouth and wrong ideas in your mind. Do me a favor, don’t do me no favors, I’ll handle mine.  Yet and still, as they go through they’re own thought process, they determine that I’m just not worth that hassle.  Whatever.


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