Daily Archives: August 5, 2013

Today’s Word is… MISTRUST

*Method Man voice* R-E-A…..D-E-R MAIL. That’s how you start a post when Wu Tang raised you, or you become a white Will Smith making songs about hand me downs. Whatever.  So a reader reached out curious about something I wrote a long while back on relationship chicken, that awkward period during dating when one or both sides is simply afraid to put themselves out there.  He finds himself, at that stage, he met a girl he’s really feeling, he’s wined and dined but he’s just not quite feeling the love back.  So naturally, his own ego told him to take 3 spaces back, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.  Now the girl senses that drift and now she’s easing back, moreso than what he was already concerned about.  He likes her and he thinks she feels the same but he’s afraid of throwing more time, money and effort into a failed prospect and she’s afraid of being hurt. 
Obvious answer, take the the lead make your feelings known, stop hiding behind what you think might could possibly happen.  However, what’s more interesting to me about the whole chicken dynamic is simply the lack of trust that exists between two people in the courting process.  This brought me to a post I read on VerySmartBrothas about lazy/cheap dates, amongst the conversation there was the women who weren’t shy about their expectations for a date and the men who were frustrated with putting so much into women who weren’t coming out them vickys interested.  Isn’t dating/courting supposed to be an enjoyable experience? Who let all the paranoia in?  Women set up booby traps, a naval fleet and snipers around their hearts, men are standing by with binoculars wondering if she’s worth the gauntlet.  Chicken was an understatement, it’s a war going on outside. 

I would say I’m a hopeless romantic that’s always willing to take that leap for love, but then I would be lying.  Love is scary, dating is a bitch.  My reader doesn’t like feeling being taken advantage of, no one does, but is there ever a way to really know the others intentions, even when they do actually communicate? Nope.  I try to give objective insight in my emails/chats but do I even know for sure? Yes.  I’m awesome and I’m usually always right about these things. Nope.

What’s funny about the paranoia is that reward is so much greater than the risk.    What are afraid of wasting anyway? Time? We spend 1/3 of our lives asleep, another 1/3 work/school and the rest is our personal lives.  (Wow depressing when you think about it.)  Money? Unless he was going on $200 twitter dates or works in a sweatshop a couple dates shouldn’t have hurt his pockets too much, and after all you do eat and see the movie too. Emotions? Better to have loved and lost and sh t.  It happens.  Sometimes we just need to let our egos take a backseat and just go for it, trust your instincts, trust the process.  She probably isn’t his future wife but the longer he plays chicken, the longer he’ll never know.


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Filed under Dating, Love