Monthly Archives: August 2013

Today’s Word is… RATCHET

I hate how much I love this new Juicy J album.  It’s ignorance at it’s finest, not even in a ignorant rapper who’s somewhat oblivious making ratchet music under the guise of “I just want to tell my story”, Juicy J’s “Stay Trippy” is pure unadulterated ratchetness and I’m here for it. Ratchet hip hop is a guilty pleasure of mine, most of it is so bad it’s magnificent. Yesterday I gave a peek into my nerdy side, so I minds well show the other side of the coin, I am a Gemini after all. While I consider myself an intellectual there’s just some thing I can’t shake whether it’s from childhood or just entertains me as an adult….so allow me to list my 10…..15….20? Idk how many I’ll just spitball them until I run out of ideas, ratchet things someone of a grown man 160+ I.Q. shouldn’t like but does.

Aforementioned Juicy J album- Sit still during Bandz a Make her Dance, I dare you.
Hot Mess Mondays on VH1– mostly blame Dessiner for this, but I’m here for all the brain cell killing television except Basketball Wives. I hate them all.
Tho”– If you read here or follow on twitter you know I use “tho” a lot, it just fits the end every sentence better than any punctuation can
Hood literature– Back in my aspiring novelist days I would read a lot of urban fiction to get a solid grasp for pacing and dialogue and build my confidence that I can sure write something of this caliber. Yet some novels just suck me in, despite the outlandish plots and dramatics.
Ramen Noodles the quintessential struggle food, that even if it has more salt than Donovan McNabb talking about RGIII, or the first bowl always tastes good then the next time tastes like Mountain bike tires and crushed dreams, they have a place in my shopping cart, every time.
Battle Raps on Youtube the 6th American major sport behind football, basketball, baseball, hockey and real world/road rules challenge
Crunk Music circa 2006 That jump up for no reason, step on someone’s Air Force music, and the soundtrack to most of my Sunday jogs
Jeezy ad-libs– Ayyyyye. Yeeeah. That’s Riiiiiight.
Kool Aid– Take ya mio and crystal light’s and shove it, red koolaid (because red is a flavor, don’t tell me different) owns.
Morning ratchet block– Jerry Springer, Maury, Steve, they’re horribly scripted and I should feel some type of way of 3 old white guys exploiting black people but when I have a day off I can’t help but watch
Twerkers on YouTube
Really Bad Movies– The poor acting, ridiculous plot, the obviously cheap production on some Netflix films, it’s unintentional comedy. Temptation is probably the worst movie I ever seen but damn if it’s not funny
Live Tweeting Award Shows-I can’t believe I used to watch these things without twitter….I had so much material in 05 which no one to share them with
Keeping VOSS and Ciroc bottles as decoration Actually that’s not even ratchet, that’s green.
Keeping Shoeboxes as storage I have Shoeboxes full of nothing and I own an empty filing cabinet, Brady keeps destroying my Shoeboxes now anyway, guess that’s an intervention
Sneaking food in the movie theater Why women have these huge purses if they not trying to carry a doggie bag in it
#blacktwitter– Off the wall and seemingly unemployed, some of my favorite follows on twitter have not one ounce of filter
Ratchet Podcasts– Audio versions of black twitter, for when I need a laugh at work
Flip Flops in public-Well public means within a mile radius, if you see me in a mall with socks and flip flops feel free to throat chop me
Hennessey– Idk if Hennessey is considered ratchet but I tend to only drink it when I’m in the hood so I’m counting it.

But you know besides those and a the others I’m ashamed to mention , I’m the farthest thing from ratchet. *finishes typing this on a usb keyboard he took from work because the r key on his laptop stopped working*



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Today’s Word is… BLERD

I’m black. I’m a nerd. Guess that makes me a blerd.  #BlerdLines.  I’m actually a huge nerd, a read e-how articles for fun, Ben Affleck being cast as Batman ruined my night, read/watch sharks all year damn a week, still disappointed Mark Zuckerburg is a geeky young billionaire who didn’t become a superhero, buy broken electronics for the challenge of fixing them, win a chess match in 4-6 moves nerd.   I never was a caricaturish nerd, I never needed glasses or braces, I held my own in the war on acne and I never dressed tight or ridiculously awkward.   Blerds are sort of the new trend now, as apparently it took society and pop culture to be like, you know what’s cool, someone who is themselves all the time.  That it’s completely possible to be an intellectual and still have a social life.  Comics, video games and technology isn’t just for losers.  Being a nerd isn’t a life sentence of message boards and still living at home.  Women are slowly but surely coming over to the nerd side, after some trial and error I learned how to work my nerdy side into my charm.   If anything, I think being a blerd makes me or others a much better match than the thug, jock, frat boy type.  For starters we’re…

OPEN- Essentially beggars can’t be choosers.  Not to say blerds are desperate but more that if one is looking for someone who will accept them as is, they are obviously more likely to accept that person as is.

FUNNY- Big Bang Theory #1 show in the country, how many shows about bros get cancelled a year. Just saying.

USEFUL- Well I mean, its 2013 people can just google shit but regardless I try to be a valuable resource when asked something (even if I myself have to google it and play if off)

LOW MAINTENANCE- We demand the highest quality in our consumer electronics and superhero movies, our ladies, are free to be themselves.

SOLID FOUNDATION- Lot of potential here.  Well a little bit.  Well it’s easier to get me to stop correcting people or not wear screen tees to certain functions than get some other guy to claim you

At least I can say I’m a moderate blerd, I’m not a Trekkie, I don’t like any Star Wars except Episode III and IV, don’t dress for conventions, and I don’t play an MMORPG. (Perhaps I debunked my argument by even saying MMORPG. Whatever.)  I’m merely a man with diversified interests, some more mainstream than others.  I’ll listen to NPR at work, and then listen to Juicy J on the way home.  I’ll read a graphic novel and then hit the club.  Che Guevara with bling on, I’m complexed. I don’t shy away from my nerdy ways, it’s what makes me awesome.

Blerd life.


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Today’s Word is… LIMBO

People aren’t dumb.  One of the things we learn early is right and wrong.  In certain arenas, there’s protections in place that allow you to use the system to your advantage; it’s why George Zimmerman is a free man and Alex Rodriguez is playing baseball while suspended.  Those are perks of being an American citizen or a member of one of the strongest unions in the country.  In other arenas, there’s no technicalities, no loopholes, there’s right and wrong.  One arena is relationships, which we enter in our own free will and are free to leave whenever we want.  Even before that point, there’s the “talking/courting” phase in which again, your free to take things to a more serious level, or look elsewhere.  While in limbo, yes you’re not in a relationship but if you aspire to be, you can’t act single.

That relationship limbo phase is dicey, you don’t want to give full relationship benefits to someone you’re not committed to but you also don’t want to give someone you care about a free pass to do whatever with whomever.  I spoke on an aversion to titles before, but that’s me, if I’m single and I have feelings for someone, with or without “the talk” I’m not going to do anything I know will hurt them and get off on a technicality.  If I’m in limbo with a girl, she hooks up with someone else, yes she’s free to do so, I’m now free to not want to deal with her on that level.  Fair is for trials, people know better. 

So why not simplify things and make it official?  I feel like relationships are a different monster, they come with rules and regulations that one may not be able to fulfill at that time, being faithful, in my opinion (well duh it’s my opinion it’s my blog) is not one of them.  A relationship established simply to “lock one down” or clinch some sense of monogamy is started on a faulty premise and usually don’t last long.  A relationship isn’t an insurance policy, its an agreement for two people to only date each other and hopefully be building toward something more.  Limbo is I like you, you like me, we’re not together yet but let’s still keep each other’s feelings in perspective.  Of course, as with the dance? Game? (I dont know wtf is limbo actually classified as) after so many turns it’s just about impossible to keep going.  Limbo should always be temporary, know how long you can continue to play or if you don’t the pole will.


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Today’s Word is… RESERVATION

So almost every morning before work like most people I head to the local coffeeshop (I get tea because I’m not big on having coffee then having my stomach start twerking all morning…tmi, well it’s not really tmi but it’s just random unnecessary information RNI).  So at this coffeeshop I see this woman, she’s usually on her way in as I leave or vice versa we smile at each other, say hi and keep it moving.  Don’t know her from a hole in a wall but I live in a small suburban town, sometimes it’s just instinct to say hi to another face who shares my melanin level.  So the other day she finally breaks the fourth wall and starts up spontaneous conversation. She complimented my haircut commented how I look so much younger.  Inquisitively, I asked how old she thinks I am…she gives me a good hard look and says well now you look in your late 20s. As I shook off the unintentional shade and made a mental committment to get full nights rest and apparently shave more frequently, I reply “well I just turned 25 so…”.  She made a funny face, I commented on the shift in demeanor she just said, “Oh I just wished you were older”, not thought, not assumed, wished.  Anyway, I had to go to work…to be continued. 

(Well actually, why build suspense. There’s not much of a story left, I seen her again asked her she just said she was attracted to me but didn’t want to play herself lusting after a younger man. I didn’t bother to object. The end.)

It’s kind of my usual experience with older women, they assume I’m uninterested and see themselves out.  In this very instance she was correct, but it brought me back to the plenty of “I shouldn’t like you” “I don’t want to feel like a cougar” “you don’t want someone like me” “boy you just don’t know”s I get online or in real life regularly.  There was a time I basked in being a guilty pleasure; something about making women reluctantly go against the grain just for me was enthralling.  Then it got real old real quick, no pun intended. In earlier posts I talked about my experiences with actually dating older women, that same insecurity plagued early and they opted for dard hick and bubble gum package rather than face any sort of rejection they’ve already braced themselves for.  It also made me think about my last post on approaching in general and the times I probably counted myself out before I tried and how frustrating it must’ve made them feel.  To an extent that’s kind of how I feel, I’m not superficial, I’m not lust crazy, don’t tell me I don’t want that or you’re not good enough. 

This actually extends beyond older women, I hate when people play the victim, especially with me because I’m very blunt and honest no need to read between the lines.  When people make assumptions about me, I usually just let them believe it because i’m too annoyed to plead a case.  Tell me “oh I guess you don’t want to talk” I will let you stew in your own theory. It’s annoying because I’m very honest, if I don’t like you I will say so, I don’t want to talk to you I will say so. Don’t put words in my mouth and wrong ideas in your mind. Do me a favor, don’t do me no favors, I’ll handle mine.  Yet and still, as they go through they’re own thought process, they determine that I’m just not worth that hassle.  Whatever.


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Today’s Word is… KARMA

“Karma, because it’s completely unethical to pray something happens to someone” -Me

I’ve said before, I typically try to keep my social media and my personal life separate like church and state.  This goes double for when I’m upset, I don’t like to be bombarded with questions and fake concern.  So I guess yesterday I came off as being in a bad mood as I get a text asking “what’s wrong”, from “Madame”. I should really change my number. I explained I was fine, but she said she sensed otherwise (hilarious considering…well actually, I’ll get to that later).  I explained I was fine what slightly annoyed me just slightly annoyed me, thus the picture of a slightly annoyed me.  Entredre de Triple. She shifts gears, not like she really cared anyway that was just her foot in the door.  What she was really reaching out for was once again that closure (guess she gon try every August). 

This time the approach was a wee bit different, instead of playing victim, she played the role of someone with hindsight, that she looks back on the past years and relationships and realizes I was someone rare.  Whatever.  She proceeded to run through the sweet things I said/did for her as if I wasn’t there and of course made comparisons to her most recent ex, who did nothing of that nature.  I didn’t mean to come off as so jaded, I’m over it and her.  I just found it hilarious how karma came through like Ray Allen in Game 6.  She ended up with someone just like her, she’s now walking a few miles in my Air Maxes. 

Since she started the trip down memory lane, I thought how ironic it was her ex signed, sealed, delivered karma to her, she was the one that did so to me.  I thought back to when I was being inconsiderate of others time, I also rememeber the plethora of times I was stood up by her.  I thought about the times I felt cheated or outright disrespected in my relationship, I remember the inexcusable things I allowed from her, even to this day if I were to bet that any woman cheated on me and got away with it, it would be her.  I remember the sweet guestures that went unnoticed, the lack of communication, the straw that broke the camel’s back even if that’s something I never did to anyone.  If exes could’ve looked in at how hurt and humbled I was they would surely be amused, much as I was when she would tell stories and how careless her ex was. 

In the end, I grew from it, a better man from it, I can only hope the same becomes of her.  I can’t say I care enough to see the woman that arises from this whether she becomes colder and jaded or more caring and compassionate.  Karma has run it’s course, and it’s provided better closure than I could’ve even imagined.  I never wanted her back, I wanted her to be accountable.  I think she is now and now there’s nothing left to gain from this book.


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Today’s Word is… APPROACH

It’s time for an email, time for an email, time for an EEEEeeeeEEEEeee-E-E-E mail, yeah.  *Elle Varner voice*  Elle Varner gonna be my future ex wife, she just don’t know it yet.  Anyway, this one wasn’t so much a question as much as it was more of a random discussion about men’s reluctance to approach her in public.  She says she’s attractive (my inquisitive nature had to see what she looked like, she’s cute), friendly, she makes herself available, but when she’s out with friends or even alone, not even a nibble. Approaching in general is a lost art, it’s 1000 times easier to follow on twitter, exchange a few jokes, then email addresses, then phone numbers then fluids than actually politely interrupting a pretty woman in Wal-Mart.  The reader said she gets plenty of attention online but what good does that do when they live way over yonder or they’re local but flagrantly aint sh t.  (Sidenote: i wouldnt know but in my own head I assume most guys on dating websites arent single)

I also chatted with the reader about my own thought process when it comes to approaching or not.  I like to think I’m an introvert when really it’s just a convenient explanation to not talk to people when I don’t feel like it.  I’m a delight usually.  Confident, quick witted (is it me or have i been tooting the hell out of my own horn these past couple posts, oh well) I actually enjoy the sport of turning a stranger into a friend/lover/other.  However, I’m introverted in the sense that I think a lot of my approach before I ever implement.  My spidey senses have served me well for the most part even if I maybe let far too many opportunities slip in lieu of getting #thecurve (and I’ve caught some bad rejections smh).  I try to be….efficient.  

We also discussed that as a man in general, what would stop me from approaching someone who I was clearly attracted to?  It’s usually inconveniences she has a whole entourage, crowded ass dance floor, she didn’t smile when our eyes met.  At one point, I would be intimidated if she was just extremely attractive but as you meet more people you realize at the very core, anyone can be had it just takes attraction and charm.   Also, most guys figure she has a full roster so they don’t bother when it’s really the lowkey modest girl who be the real culprit.  Yup, I’m on to y’all. 

Simple solution, why doesn’t she take the initiative.  She doesn’t want to seem desperate and actually quoted something I had said that men will always find some use to a woman even if he’s not that interested.  I don’t think I said that, I’m too lazy to go back…it was probably out of context anyway. Even so, I don’t think forward women are desperate by any means I look at them as I would myself, I like to be in the drivers seat.  Limiting your options to simply who comes to you and hoping they meet your standard seems way more difficult than you simply going after what you want, but I guess it’s a pride thing.  Just ironic how we seemingly are always after something under the belief nothing is going to fall in our laps.  But an ideal mate, that’s just going appear any day now. 


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Today’s Word is… GOOD

Mall, park, school, Target, mall, through a friend, school, bookstore (R.I.P. Borders), online, subway, bar, online, bar.  What is where I met my exes?  Yes, another Jeopardy reference, let me be great.  You see, finding a girlfriend is relatively easy, find a good woman, a much more difficult task.  The word “good” is tossed around a lot, and for the most part its used to summarize anyone desirable (nice personality, something going for themselves, little to no baggage, pretty good idea on what they want in a relationship).  I meet plenty of good women regularly by that definition, but just because a woman is good, doesn’t mean she’s good for me.  Let me say it again, just because a woman is good, doesn’t mean she’s good for me.  I have a right to be a little selfish in regards to what I want, but all too often we are guilted into just taking “close enough” (see: mystery girl from last week) what’s safe (see: well, me.).  I consider myself a good guy, but I’m also expressive, if you hate confrontation I’m probably not that guy.  I’m more of a homebody, if you need adventure I’m probably not that guy.  Of course on paper, I’m a good guy. So when that hypothetical woman meets me and wasn’t feeling it, guess who’s picky now? 

That’s what’s tricky about the “good” guy or girl, it’s hard to say no to someone who is seemingly red flag-less.  Now if I had 3 kids, and worked as a cashier, and live tweeted our date with the hashtag #shewantsthatwork she could say “hell no” and no one would think twice.  If a woman lives at home, smokes and posts thirst traps on instagram all day, and has the nerve to have income requirements to date, I could delete her number the second I saw she got in the house okay and no one could blame me.  Decent people who you just don’t quite like…that’s all on you. See the 298482 blog posts on “this why yo ass single”. 

So what’s good?  Allow me to get fake deep and poetic for a second:

Good is a warm, inviting smile
Good knows exactly what to say, and exactly what to hear
Good knows how to defer and let a man be a man
Good appreciates the little things
Good is in full control of their emotions (okay most women aren’t but one can’t dream)
Good can hook a lasagna up (just saying)
Good supports him from his job to his fantasy team
Good treats everyone like they’re special
Good swallows…..her pride
Good is selfless

Et cetera Et cetera and what not.  Most importantly, good people don’t have to constantly say they are.  They don’t have to defend themselves when you speak of non so great people because they know they don’t apply.  Others vouch for them, or you simply get to know them and you know.  They just have that to them, reading/writing this they just come to mind and you just….well never mind. 


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