Once upon a time, in a land far far away, okay, it was really the midwestern United States, there was a girl, smart, beautiful, with the right amount of sass. A honor roll student, this girl was coveted by many prestigious institutions across the country but decided to attend a local school to be closer to her ailing mother and older brothers, as the youngest child and only daughter she felt obligated to. Her mother would pass on, and still devastated, she took the opportunity to leave the rural town in her rear view, she joined the army. It was there she met a charming young fellow from the big city also looking for a fresh start. They dated, fell in love and were soon married. She, 21, him 23. They would have 5 kids (including a certain blogger) and live happily for a while after.
Fast forward 30 years, I’m out having dinner and drinks with some people and one says, “no one should be married before 30”, a majority of the table echoed that sentiment. The person was speaking from experience, he’s 28, recently divorced from his college sweetheart. He was speaking from perspective more than bitterness, although I can’t say I agree. Maybe getting married while Sallie Mae is already calling you like “gimme the loot gimme the loot”, or even when you haven’t even really enjoyed being a bachelor/ette (because being single at 18 and single at 25; two completely different things), but 30? That’s 5 years for me, if I wanted to get married before a Playstation 5 and iPhone X drops am I really setting myself up for failure?
I guess I suffer from premature maturation, because I want to get married, hell I did 2-3 years ago. I was out with other professionals all in their late 20s/early 30s, most resigned to the fact that love is great, but marriage is about stability. They looked at things from logic and practicality, and I get where they’re coming from but I don’t get where they’re coming from. Love don’t pay bills, love doesn’t provide for a household, love isn’t even great sex (another I disagree with but I think I need a fresh 600 words for that one), I’m very logical but I’m also a romantic, why can’t I have both? Will too much adversity kill love? Has marriage really been reduced to a glorified collaboration? Yet 74% of the country still thinks gay marriage is the slap in the face.
I think about “She”, perhaps the one who was closest to getting the ring and everything that turned me off. Irresponsible, dramatic, disrespectful, what’s love got to do with that? I love you but I can’t conceive a child with someone who chills and smokes all day, I love you but how we gonna sign a mortgage when you maxing out credit cards on shoes, do I already have that tunnel vision? Or maybe that balance is just necessary. I’m a romantic realist, there’s love but then there’s the aftermath. Fairy tales always have prince and princesses, its easy to be happily ever after when them bills already handled. What happens when you Dwayne Wayne a wedding then you get sued for the cost of the whole thing? Aladdin still gonna be down when Jasmine put on 50 lbs? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
But seriously what’s more important love or stability? I still say love, I asked others in different age ranges, most didnt answer the damn question and said both, a surprising consensus went stability. “Dessiner”(who insisted she got a cool nickname) was team love and also like me says its simply hard to separate emotion and reality. All them love songs about I want nothing but you, but they are millionaires already, few are about that life. Maybe Lauryn Hill she popped a Marley and gave it all away. Perhaps I’m still young and naive but I believe in love (also in myself that even if we aren’t loaded we won’t be like unbelievably broke). But who knows, apparently I got 5 mo years to figure this all out.