One of my guilty pleasure shows to watch is “Hardcore Pawn”. While I typically hate seeing black people making a fool of themselves on national TV, the hilarity is too much to ignore. When there isnt a crackhead trying to get a deal, there are genuine sellers who come in with impressive things and it’s crazy how quickly their figure drops. I’ve seen guys come in expecting thousands of dollars and wind up leaving with $50. Some had unrealistic expectations but for the most part its because Les, the primary owner, no matter what the price is, will drop it about 75% and you can just see the defeat in the seller’s face. Some will come back but for most its that first blow that you know they lost. No matter how much research they did online prior, no matter how much money they actually need, once they start to feel uncomfortable and insecure, it’s over. You want to yell at the TV, “dude he’s robbing you blind” but that’s the power of insecurities, Les makes your most prized possessions seem like trash.
In relationships, insecurity works the same way. No matter how pretty you are, how great a mate you think you are, if the person you’re appealing to says it’s not good enough, you feel its not good enough. The inverse would imply that if that same person made you feel like Beyonce Michelle Oprahma, no one can tell you nothing. In Hardcore Pawn, Les isnt in the business of boosting egos, he’s a shark, he will break you down, and make you feel lucky to take that $50. In relationships, the manipulative type will make you feel worthless and that you’re lucky to take whatever semblance of a relationship they are offering. But in an ideal relationship, a healthy one, the person will constantly reassure.
Admittedly, it was something I never put too much stock in. It was frustrating honestly, you know I love you, you know you’re beautiful, do I really need to say it over and over and make a Bruno Mars song out of it? I’m with you I’m not going anywhere, why isn’t that enough? Apparently not. As I continue to meet more and more women who are dealing with security issues, it’s almost a requirement.
To be fair, men and women do like some reassurance, at work and at home. If my boss said, “of course I think you’re doing well, did I fire you yet?” I would probably laugh at the sheer bluntness but I guess I would not quite feel too secure or special. But as far as relationships go do men need reassurance too? Men are demoralized, labeled ain’t sh t, rejected constantly, yet we take it all in stride. Or do we need to be reassured of the things we didn’t get in the last relationship, typically trust, respect, communication. Relationships takes its toll on both sides and somewhere we have to recoup those losses from our next mate whether its fair or not.
So as tedious as it seems, I’m sure whomever I meet next wants to be reminded she’s beautiful, that she’s more than good enough for me. I will want to be reminded I’m trusted, that my words still have meaning. She wll reassure me of love as I will her, even billionaires want to know what they’re worth.