Today’s Word is… EX

I consider any woman I used to deal with an ex.  We dated, we kissed, I saw your boobs, and now I no longer have access to said boobs, you’re an ex. Others would limit it to people they had exclusive relationships with.  Whatever.  Exes are a walking, talking testament to your relationship failure.  You thought they would be the last person you ever dated, boy you was wrong.  Personally, I harbor no ill will towards exes, she’s not getting half my income, I’m going to move on, she didn’t try to kill me; why be mad? 

I’ve said before here, some exes I’m still cool with.  I don’t want them back, they don’t want me.  I fell for her because she’s awesome, she fell for me because I’m a nice guy.  If a relationship doesn’t work that doesn’t make her less awesome, or me any less nice (well apparently it does, since I’m the break-upper but it is what it is, in short it’s Wii.).  People are too extreme with their emotions, fall madly head over heels in love with someone then suddenly hate everything about them to the point they can’t even date someone of the same race or even gender these days. If every relationship was supposed to work out we’d all marry and live happily ever after with our first loves.  But what causes the polarization of love to hate.  How can you go from love to hate.  Or do we all just kid ourselves?

Exes are pretty much in 3 groups; broke up perhaps too soon, just at the right time, and way too late.  As expected my relationship with them now reflects it. 

In “Repeat”, I basically summed up the too soon ex, they’re the “hey stranger” ex. You don’t quite remember why you didn’t work, so it’s tempting to try and see where things go.  Of course, what follows is the awkward moment you remember WHY you stopped dealing with them in the first place.  They’re tricky; they can almost seem like the one that got away, but up close they are the one you got away from. 

The right time ex, you know why you broke up, but it was amicable.  Just wasn’t ready, maybe it was a bad breakup but after some healing you’ve both moved on, basically there’s no desire to go back or push away.    

Then of course, there’s the too late ex.  Breakup to makeup, invested all the time and energy into, the one your friends know ALL about; the Voldemort.  We all have one, because for some reason we just couldn’t shake em and when we finally did the damage was done.  In general, we often wait too long to breakup.  We ignore the obvious red flags, put up with so much that we literally have to break before we walk away.  It can all be so simple, if you’re unhappy; leave.  Yet we never do, we wait for that push, that straw to break the camel’s back.
Instead of saying, I’m unhappy, one strays.  Instead of saying I can’t be with someone I don’t trust, one waits to catch in the act. 

The reason I have no qualms with most of my exes is that I understood it wasn’t working out and moved on.  Of course, I gave time and space to heal but I try to stay the same guy who won her over in the first place.  I took my own time to reflect and grow, even when my pride screamed win her back. Breakups are so common in day to day affairs I just don’t see how or why I should make it more dramatic than it has to me.  Keeping good, caring people in my life always seemed like a better idea than letting my ego turn me into something I’m not (doesn’t hurt I’m 11-2 in breakups #DumpGod, Okay never mind that sounds gross).  My exes all made me learn something whether about relationships in general or just something about myself.  In that respect, they served their purpose in my life, so we good.


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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan

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