I’m a picky eater. I eat cereal and salad dry, 9/10 will go to any restaurant and order a burger, because it’s almost impossible to mess up a burger (although I’m eating better these days so I’ve learned to expand my options). My sister brought this up when expressing her frustration that my nephew like me, is extremely picky. She doesn’t know how our mother dealt with me, even though it was simple, what I didn’t know didn’t hurt me, “what’s this” “Dinner. Eat.” So upon entering college with a hefty meal plan at my disposal, I was free to eat whatever I wished. Omelettes, waffles, burgers, pizza, turn down for what. The result, 60 lb weight gain. The moral of the story what’s convenient isn’t always what’s best.
So I was talking to a friend, topic ventured to sex and relationships. I had asked was she open to something casual or was she shut down like Derrick Rose until she was in a relationship. She said the latter and when asked the same question I realized that by default I too was shut down. I thought about all the golden tickets I returned to sender lately, wasn’t intentional but I just knew it was best not to go that route with some of them. “You’re a man of integrity so I can see that” she said. “Yeah Yeah” “Awww your integrity ain’t keeping you warm at night” It really ain’t. Neither are those degrees. However, as a pseudo attractive, eligible bachelor, I’m like 18 year old me at the dining commons again. Exes, crushes, coworkers, e-boos, turn down for what….because the aftermath is not worth it for xxx minutes of pleasure. Sure I can be the guy that can cash in the ticket, we grown, she’ll be iight, I’m in pursuit of my own happiness. But that’s just not me and Me knows that’s not her (yes I said Me knows, just roll with it). Maybe there is something to that INFJ personality type I keep contesting.
As we get older we learn the value of discretion; leaping at every possible opportunity isn’t necessary especially when I consider what exactly I’m looking for long term. Men are raised to be hunters, to slam home every lob tossed up their way, if not something is wrong with you. Sure if you’re not attracted then it’s easy. If you are, then it’s much harder to have mind control over Deebo. The flesh is weak. The best you can do is focus on the consequences, losing a friend, job, or making up some narrative that she will go “Snapped” on you if you smash then pass. Also, it comes from understanding she isn’t about to be your last hurrah, know that there’s always a better opportunity out there. Of course easier said than done when it’s cold outside (and it is the month of May this some ol bullish) she’s texting “when you’re going to come see me”.
Perhaps she could use better discretion, double standards suggest that I’m just a blaaaack man coming to you from the Southland and I can’t control my urges. Furthermore, she should’ve knew what my interests are and who I be with before hooking up and it’s her fault. She can be naive, I can be a man. Or I can just act like I didn’t see it (because outright rejection never works, women will rationalize every reason you have not to but that’s a different post), she can just find someone who doesn’t have her best interest at heart and I…well I have my integrity. -__-