Monthly Archives: May 2013

Today’s Word is… RELATIONSHIP

This might be one of those rant posts that makes more sense to me than you….ride with me anyway…

You ever see a fast food commercial, the food looks so perfectly well prepared and appetizing, you just got to have it? You go to an actual drive thru and voice over the speaker sounds kind of sultry, you pull up with a smile and she’s not as cute as she sounds? However, she smiles sweetly as she takes your $100 even though you had smaller bills you wanted to stunt before you realize what kinda car you in? Then you realize you shouldn’t be self conscious for someone who works at a fast food place. Then you remember your ass used to be a lot attendant so who are you to judge, then you realize even though you’re only reading you feel like you need to take a deep breath. 

*Exhale*

So the disgruntled manager hands you your order, upset he worked 15 years at this place and now he got to fulfill orders since they’re short staffed because someone is late and he can’t fire him, he’s his nephew.  You get to a red light, open your bag and take out the Burger and it don’t look anything like the commercial that made you burn 1134 calories to rationalize eating in the first place? Well that’s a relationship.  It’s never quite what you anticipated when you went in.  No pun intended.

I suck at relationships.  It befuddles me, I’m honest, sweet, caring and sh t. I mean yeah I’m a flirt, stubborn to a fault, and will avoid the hell out of a confrontation, but otherwise I made myself so easy to love.  Women like me until they like me, then they like want nothing to with me, and become cold well, like me. Quadruple entendre don’t even ask me how.  The irony in this is that I’m almost always the one who breaks things off.  However, that’s merely a formality, as I said the other day, when its clear the relationship is going in the wrong direction, I rather break it off before resentment and regret plagues any chance of maintaining a healthy friendship.  But that doesn’t change the fact that somewhere down the line, I failed. I still struggle to understand why.  Relationships should be easy in theory, stay honest, stay growing, meet expectations.  Right?

It can all be so simple, but I rather make it hard. Actually I just wanted to make a Lauryn Hill reference, I don’t think I’m asking for much. Communication, respect, space, trust, affection these should be the standards, I shouldn’t have to earn them. Relationships I feel become more complicated than they have to be because people can’t seem to stomach the fact they just aren’t ready for one. It’s so much more than I like you you like me let’s not be with anyone but each other. There’s expectations to be met, don’t inquire about a job for which you are not qualified. Yet we do anyway, selfishly. Perhaps just out of territorial nature, or we think love conquers all.

Relationships are understandably frustrating, you’re constantly in conflict between your desires and theirs, minor issues and long term goals, temptation and loyalty. However, I feel those things work themselves out with the right person. A relationship shouldn’t be an experiment to see if you can change them, or to keep them from going elsewhere, or just to avoid being alone. It’s a meeting of expectations, a cleansing of doubts, a promise to love. It’s a step forward towards the ultimate goal of building a life together….otherwise why not just be two people who are attracted to one another?

-Stan-
            

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Today’s Word is… COOKOUTS

Happy Memorial Day…I was going to do a NEW post but why waste it, instead I’ll post an oldie but goodie on cookouts, that as of now I’m frantically searching for one to attend. Now some of my day 1 readers may have read this before, and for others if this ya first time reading this, you’re about to experience something so cold. Well lukewarm.  Enjoy or just go to Reddit or something, idk still counts as a view.


It’s about to go down

Solstice, schmolstice…the TRUE end of summer is on Labor Day.  You’re in school/fantasy football mode and for most especially here in New England, we fire up that grill one last time. And where’s there’s a grill there’s a bunch of people with paper plates dying to get some free food, we have ourselves a cookout. Now cookouts are either a great time or 15 minutes in you’re ready to pack your plate and be gone.  The difference between the two: the 10 cookout commandments (for those keeping score at home I think that’s the 5th Biggie reference on this blog).

Rule Number Uno: Leave your kids at the door- I love kids, I can’t wait to have some mini-mes of my own, however. I dislike them at cookouts, they never eat, you gotta stay on grill duty to make sure they don’t go near it, they always always spill something. Find a babysitter,  leave them at home, make them a plate.

Number Two: Bring Something (besides your appetite)- Don’t show up empty handed and leave with 4 plates.  You couldn’t get a bag of ice, some cups, anything? Really?

Number Three: Hold your liquor- As bountiful as a cookout feast is, somehow someone manages to get super ultra mega drunk.  The Super Ultra Mega Drunk is worst than the kid, they too drunk to eat, you gotta keep them away from the grill and they always always start something.  It’s not a frat house, it’s your cousin’s house. Chill.


Don’t be this guy

Number Four: Get your own damn drink- Everyone is chilling talking enjoying themselves, you’re thirsty you get up to grab a beer, suddenly half the yard is just as thirsty and need one.  They sit and plot wait for someone to open the cooler just to ask.  You just ate 3 burgers, take that walk.

Number Five: No requests- Oh you’re vegetarian, you like your chicken raw (gross), you don’t like your steak to touch the other steaks.  You’ll be iight.  A small concession here is fine but there’s only so much to ask from the one giving you free food

Number Six: Its a cookOUT keyword OUT- Unless its a rain delay, you have to use the bathroom or you’re actually helping prepare the food, stay yo ass outside.  This isn’t a realtor open house don’t just be walking in bedrooms taking naps because you got the itis.

Seven, this one is so underrated: Respect the Griller- Like Number 5, you’re getting free food, sit down somewhere, don’t be telling the griller when to flip, or what you’d do differently. Apologize to Melo 5.

Number Eight: Doggie Bag etiquette- Yes the food was great you want some for work, but limit your take aways unless otherwise asked.  Personally I try to get rid of as much as possible but don’t just voluntarily be taking a complimentary 12 pack

Number Nine: Citronella over everything- If you don’t have spray, candles, one of them torch things you’re basically saying you don’t care about your guests.

Number Ten: Clean up Clean up everybody everywhere- When it’s said and done, pick up after yourself, pick up those half open beers you know was yours but let sit there because at the time you wasn’t so sure.  Offer to bring something in the house

Anything I missed, there’s comments for that, yeah I see you blog watchers 900+ views but 6 comments, say something.  Sheesh. Oh and Happy Labor Day

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… EX

I consider any woman I used to deal with an ex.  We dated, we kissed, I saw your boobs, and now I no longer have access to said boobs, you’re an ex. Others would limit it to people they had exclusive relationships with.  Whatever.  Exes are a walking, talking testament to your relationship failure.  You thought they would be the last person you ever dated, boy you was wrong.  Personally, I harbor no ill will towards exes, she’s not getting half my income, I’m going to move on, she didn’t try to kill me; why be mad? 

I’ve said before here, some exes I’m still cool with.  I don’t want them back, they don’t want me.  I fell for her because she’s awesome, she fell for me because I’m a nice guy.  If a relationship doesn’t work that doesn’t make her less awesome, or me any less nice (well apparently it does, since I’m the break-upper but it is what it is, in short it’s Wii.).  People are too extreme with their emotions, fall madly head over heels in love with someone then suddenly hate everything about them to the point they can’t even date someone of the same race or even gender these days. If every relationship was supposed to work out we’d all marry and live happily ever after with our first loves.  But what causes the polarization of love to hate.  How can you go from love to hate.  Or do we all just kid ourselves?

Exes are pretty much in 3 groups; broke up perhaps too soon, just at the right time, and way too late.  As expected my relationship with them now reflects it. 

In “Repeat”, I basically summed up the too soon ex, they’re the “hey stranger” ex. You don’t quite remember why you didn’t work, so it’s tempting to try and see where things go.  Of course, what follows is the awkward moment you remember WHY you stopped dealing with them in the first place.  They’re tricky; they can almost seem like the one that got away, but up close they are the one you got away from. 

The right time ex, you know why you broke up, but it was amicable.  Just wasn’t ready, maybe it was a bad breakup but after some healing you’ve both moved on, basically there’s no desire to go back or push away.    

Then of course, there’s the too late ex.  Breakup to makeup, invested all the time and energy into, the one your friends know ALL about; the Voldemort.  We all have one, because for some reason we just couldn’t shake em and when we finally did the damage was done.  In general, we often wait too long to breakup.  We ignore the obvious red flags, put up with so much that we literally have to break before we walk away.  It can all be so simple, if you’re unhappy; leave.  Yet we never do, we wait for that push, that straw to break the camel’s back.
Instead of saying, I’m unhappy, one strays.  Instead of saying I can’t be with someone I don’t trust, one waits to catch in the act. 

The reason I have no qualms with most of my exes is that I understood it wasn’t working out and moved on.  Of course, I gave time and space to heal but I try to stay the same guy who won her over in the first place.  I took my own time to reflect and grow, even when my pride screamed win her back. Breakups are so common in day to day affairs I just don’t see how or why I should make it more dramatic than it has to me.  Keeping good, caring people in my life always seemed like a better idea than letting my ego turn me into something I’m not (doesn’t hurt I’m 11-2 in breakups #DumpGod, Okay never mind that sounds gross).  My exes all made me learn something whether about relationships in general or just something about myself.  In that respect, they served their purpose in my life, so we good.

-Stan-     

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Today’s Word is… IRK

I rarely have dreams and when I do they’re either weird, a telltale sign that I’m oversleeping or both. I always say I’m going to write them down before I forget but I say a lot of things. I’m lazy.  But this dream in particular i remember bits and pieces vividly.  It was an outdoor wedding, friends and family all make cameos, it’s my wedding….I think.  I’m either the Groom or a Groomsman, I just remember fumbling a ring around in my pocket, not a wedding band but an engagement ring.  Am I proposing?  Did I get dumped?  I look at the ring, it’s huge diamond and sapphire, that’s “She’s” birthstone, was this…..BEEP.  Dream over, I’m awaken by some jackass honking his horn for a neighbor.  I mean it’s 2013, you couldn’t just text them to come outside, actually get out the car, walk up a few stairs and ring the doorbell, and it’s Sunday, one day I actually get to sleep in.  I hate people like that. 

I check my phone, 3 missed calls, drunk text rant about how I’m not answering, and my phone barely charged.  It’s going to be that type of morning I see.  I go to the gym, which is full of plenty of it’s own annoyances.  Today is going to be unpleasant if only there was something to cheer me up like memes mocking Drake and Miguel Hulk Hogan leg dropping a fan on a live awards show. I complain to my friend, she says I hate everything which couldn’t be farther from the truth.  I don’t hate anything really, things just….irk me. 

Like I don’t hate Fox News, it just irks me
People who applaud at the end of a movie in the theater irk me
Tyler Perry movies irk me
Bandwagon fans irk me
Traffic irks me
Pandora ads that buffer irk me
Flo Rida irks me
“Was that tweet/blog post about me” texts irk me
People who still have ringback tones irk me
Parody twitter pages irk me
Colin Cowherd irks me
People who don’t know the your/you’re difference irk me
Dudes who wear sunglasses in the gym irk me
People who talk to me with headphones in irk me
People who steal my tweets and post them as Facebook statuses irk me
Exes who call me “stranger” irk me
Fake eyelashes irk me
Women who screenshot texts irk me
This colored lipstick trend….well it’s getting there
Supermarket tabloids irk me
Mayonnaise’s whole existence irks me
Strangers on the subway who touch other people’s kids/pets irk me

But you know…besides that….I don’t hate anything.

-Stan-

             

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Today’s Word is… DISCRETION

I’m a picky eater.  I eat cereal and salad dry, 9/10 will go to any restaurant and order a burger, because it’s almost impossible to mess up a burger (although I’m eating better these days so I’ve learned to expand my options).  My sister brought this up when expressing her frustration that my nephew like me, is extremely picky.  She doesn’t know how our mother dealt with me, even though it was simple, what I didn’t know didn’t hurt me, “what’s this” “Dinner. Eat.” So upon entering college with a hefty meal plan at my disposal, I was free to eat whatever I wished.  Omelettes, waffles, burgers, pizza, turn down for what. The result,  60 lb weight gain.  The moral of the story what’s convenient isn’t always what’s best. 

So I was talking to a friend, topic ventured to sex and relationships.  I had asked was she open to something casual or was she shut down like Derrick Rose until she was in a relationship.  She said the latter and when asked the same question I realized that by default I too was shut down.  I thought about all the golden tickets I returned to sender lately, wasn’t intentional but I just knew it was best not to go that route with some of them.  “You’re a man of integrity so I can see that” she said. “Yeah Yeah” “Awww your integrity ain’t keeping you warm at night” It really ain’t. Neither are those degrees.  However, as a pseudo attractive, eligible bachelor, I’m like 18 year old me at the dining commons again.  Exes, crushes, coworkers, e-boos, turn down for what….because the aftermath  is not worth it for xxx minutes of pleasure.  Sure I can be the guy that can cash in the ticket, we grown, she’ll be iight, I’m in pursuit of my own happiness.  But that’s just not me and Me knows that’s not her (yes I said Me knows, just roll with it).  Maybe there is something to that INFJ personality type I keep contesting. 

As we get older we learn the value of discretion; leaping at every possible opportunity isn’t necessary especially when I consider what exactly I’m looking for long term.   Men are raised to be hunters, to slam home every lob tossed up their way, if not something is wrong with you.  Sure if you’re not attracted then it’s easy. If you are, then it’s much harder to have mind control over Deebo. The flesh is weak.  The best you can do is focus on the consequences, losing a friend, job, or making up some narrative that she will go “Snapped” on you if you smash then pass.  Also, it comes from understanding she isn’t about to be your last hurrah, know that there’s always a better opportunity out there.  Of course easier said than done when it’s cold outside (and it is the month of May this some ol bullish) she’s texting “when you’re going to come see me”.  

Perhaps she could use better discretion, double standards suggest that I’m just a blaaaack man coming to you from the Southland and I can’t control my urges. Furthermore, she should’ve knew what my interests are and who I be with before hooking up and it’s her fault.  She can be naive, I can be a man.  Or I can just act like I didn’t see it (because outright rejection never works, women will rationalize every reason you have not to but that’s a different post), she can just find someone who doesn’t have her best interest at heart and I…well I have my integrity.  -__-

-Stan-      

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Today’s Word is… NEWBREED

In a month….I’ll be 24.  Yuck.  People typically think I’m much older because how I act, although I resent being told I’m mature for my age like I’m not already a grown damn man. I think there’s phases of adulthood, 21, 25, 30 and/or your child is old enough to realize you don’t work, drive and don’t have a spouse.  I’ll be glad to be distanced from the 18-24 demographic, with whom I primarily see myself fitting in with as well as LL Cool J on a country record.  This especially goes for the under 21 crowd, who I commonly refer to as “newbreeds”, they are just…..different.  There’s almost another generational divide, my brother is 6 years older than me and our teen lives where drastically different, I look at my 18 year old brother and wonder, where the hell they find you?  Their almost a different species.

Newbreeds are easy to spot, they dress like all the bad trends from the 80s, their hairstyle from the 90s, and speak like older rappers from the 00s. They wear socks and underwear from designer labels so they have to wear their pants half off or up too high, to show them off.  They wear graphic t shirts of bands they never heard of, but they heard they make her dance.  They’ll  congregate by the thousands outside of sneaker stores to be the only one with a new Air Jordan sneaker.  The irony indeed goes on for miles as the lines do.  They’ll then wear the shoes a few times, take enough photographs to confirm ownership of said sneaker and then sell/trade them to acquire a different sneaker to take more photos in.   They love to express their individuality but somehow all look, talk and act alike.   

Newbreeds roam in packs, refer to everyone as “bro”, they love to proclaim “no new friends”, but follow/add people they don’t know.  They are bosses without employees, hustlers without a craft, yet carry a huge sense of accomplishment and bravado.    It’s best not to engage with a newbreed, they will refer to as “cooked” or “tripping” when ironically it’s them that is in such state.  Their mating skills are that of portraying a false sense of wealth on social media, and solicitation of pictures and invitations to “chill”.  They are quite the peculiar species. 

As I said, I’m not exactly old, yet when I look at the average 19-20 year old, I feel like Morgan Freeman.  What caused this widening of the gap, you can say a spoiled mentality.  I didn’t get my first cell phone until my high school graduation, I know 8 year olds with ipads.  Materialism is instilled at a young age, I look at old photos I have nice brand name clothes but it was never to a point I knew exactly what was what and how much it cost and how much my peers clothes cost.  Women’s standards have lowered, once again due to materialism, being fresh gets you farther than sincere courting these days.  Or you can just blame Lil Wayne for everything.  Yeah, #blameWeezy.

-Stan-     

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Today’s Word is… FRESH

It was just about a year ago.  I had grew extremely tired of my job and was tired of complaining about it, I needed a change of scenery.  I set my plan in motion I compiled all my sick/vacation time and jumped both feet into the job search, my plan was to never have to come back.  It was a risky bet, had I failed I would have to go back, tail between my legs and wasted time off that could’ve been used for well, time off.  I had a few interviews I thought went extremely well, and right when I thought I was going to have to go back to my old job the next week, I got an offer.  I was ready to give my notice, was technically “fired” instead and because my boss was in his feelings, not only did I just have paid time off but I would get another check for that same vacation time that hadn’t processed yet. All I do is win. 

At least that’s the abridged awesome version, actually it took months of interviews and searching while working but it was hard to do both.  I needed that time off to really get focused on what I wanted.  One foot out and one foot in wasn’t quite cutting it.  It’s a recurring theme in dating, while “single” there’s always still that back up, that ex you’re not quite over, the one person you like more than the others but not enough to be in a relationship with, they’re the job you don’t want anymore but take up all the time and energy as though you still do.  A job is still understandable, quitting a job without a plan is just irresponsible, but as far as dating why keep that person around you know you already peaked with?

I keep meeting people with their parachutes in tow. One in particular was open and honest about it from jump street which I can respect but not sure if I understand.  More times than not, people are in such situations because they’re either not as single as they portray, or just really reluctant to let go of a sure thing.  But eventually it comes to the choice, what you already know or the clean slate?  Do you call out of work to make that Wednesday morning interview? The clean slate seems like the obvious choice but it never seems to work that way.  Perhaps they aren’t looking for a fresh start just validation of a relationship in addition to the validation of being desired. 

Whenever I’ve been faced with the old flame or the new start, I’ve always gone new.  If the old was as real as it seemed I wouldn’t be considering someone new in the first place.  But that’s just me I guess.  When I got that job offer I couldn’t have accepted quick enough (but didn’t it backfire, look I don’t need that now) not so much because of the position itself but I was just that fatigued from the same old same old.  I didn’t want leverage, I didn’t want flattery, I wanted something fresh.  Others rather take the ego boost and go right back to the same situation and hope it will change.  Power to her I guess.

-Stan-

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