Cats are asshole animals. They are just bred that way. They learn right and wrong from rewards and consequences. I’ve had Brady for about 4 months now (does that make me a cat owner *shudders*) he knows right from wrong. Every now and again, I’ll come home, he just chilling on the counter, without saying a word he knows he’s not allowed there he’ll jump down go about his business. Now a year ago, I’ll come home, “She” is there, she has her own key she let’s herself in.
*exchange hellos and pleasantries*
“When you get here”
“Came straight from work I got off at 7”
“Oh ok cool, I’m hungry did you make anything”
“This ain’t my house” *goes into bedroom, bowl of green grapes just chilling on the nightstand*
“Sarcastic comment about how she makes herself at home in every other regard”
“Why do you always have to start with me”
“Why do I still have to tell you it’d be nice if you cooked considering you’ve been here all day”
*some random unnecessary fight ensues*
We all enter relationships with a certain set of standards and expectations we want from our partner, I’ve been over that before. However, it’s the unspoken expectations, the things that you feel you shouldn’t have to explain, other rather you have and feel it should’ve set in by now, are the killer.
I’ve said plenty of times on this blog, my number one problem is that I assume everyone sees things exactly how I see them. Sometimes I feel things are painfully obvious, that it’s like do you listen to me speak or do you just skim through it. Me and “She” got to the point where the fact I even had to still say these things were more frustrating than the acts themselves. She felt I was nitpicking, I was just checking the foundation before I went ahead and started building the house. Perhaps I was too focused on the big picture to even notice the small steps. Ultimately because that’s what I want, I want my next relationship to be my last one, otherwise why bother. If I don’t see myself marrying the one I’m with aren’t I just prolonging the inevitable?
I think back to the time I was almost a father, God decided not yet but the experience shed a new light on my then mate. This woman, irresponsible, irrational, erratic….would be the mother of my child. It was perhaps a light I should’ve been looked at her at the second we became intimate but things were fully in perspective now. I didn’t love her I liked her, there was no future only the now, we tried to make it work but the writing was on the wall. She didn’t understand, we were seemingly fine, but in my heart I knew she wasn’t it. Her small red flags have evolved into full deal breakers. I wanted more, I expected more.
The thing about the unspoken expectations is the fairness to the partner. She isn’t a mind reader, i’m setting her up for failure. What if roles reversed and in her mind she was holding me to some standard I just might not surmount to? Enter communication, the cure all to all that is gray area. But even that wouldn’t be necessary if simply we’re working towards the same goal, improvement. If I find myself saying the same thing over and over I’m inclined to believe that you must not truly want the things I do. If you’re asking me the same things over and over, it’s likely because I don’t want to. You can say all the right things, even convince yourself you are finished, but never lose sight that you’re supposed to be convincing them, not yourself.