People typically hate watching me draw. They’ll look and awe, then suddenly….*rip* *crunch into ball* *shoot into wastebasket* *holds follow thru*. They look at me suspiciously “I messed up” “what are you talking about that was nice”. Perhaps I’m too critical of my own work. Writing is no different, I have about a 2 dozen draft posts just sitting some complete, most halfway, posts I feel are too personal, too cliche, too long, just sucks. Again, maybe I’m too critical of my work, maybe some will actually get fine tuned and see the light of day, others might just sit in the drafts forever. This comes to mind as I run into an old flame (seriously who needs dating websites and bars all you got to do is commute to work), who I don’t quite remember anything wrong with her but just stopped talking. Perhaps like the drawings that were Kobe’d and recycled, the posts sitting in the drafts, or even this silver tie I was skeptical about at first but has since become my favorite, maybe some things just need a second look. No H&R Block.
When I say “repeat” I don’t essentially mean boomeranging, these aren’t exes, rather people you didn’t quite look at in that way before. “Ms. Wit” is/was (I’m still not sure what/where we are) a repeat. “Her” is a boomerang. Timing (speaking of, the post on this has been in the drafts for a minute) is a factor, but I think there’s more to it than that. Sometimes we just guess wrong, like years after an NFL draft someone writes an article on what would happen if they were to do it over now with hindsight on their side. I’m someone who typically dates a few people before zoning in on one, that one doesn’t pan out and it’s back to the drawing board like American Idol.
I’ve been a repeat myself. Suddenly years later, I get hit with a “hey stranger”. (a phrase I vehemently hate it’s like the world’s worst pickup line, try again in another few years). Why me? Why now? Just as younger me wanted things that don’t matter now , I’m sure younger versions of themselves
were slacking, i been a catch wanted things that seem silly now.
It’s common for us to just go to what’s familiar, common for us to want the older, wiser version of ourselves to exist in the past where they were desperately needed. Younger me probably would go for the easy girl, the lightskinned one, the convenient one, older me wants mature, subtle, stable. Time passes and our desires change, maybe I’ve already met my wife, maybe I will tomorrow and not realize it for another 5 years. Repeats are necessary, like double checking your work.