Today’s Word is… REJECTION

It was summertime, I had went on an interview with this accounting firm, conveniently in the next town over. We had exchanged emails, had 2 phone interviews, now it was the face to face, no catfish. The interview went well, extremely well, He basically said they have to finish the background checks but more likely than not expect to hear from him this week. I all but thought I was hired. The next morning I get a email, they are moving forward with another candidate. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh. I’ve been on plenty interviews, been plenty rejected but this one stung. I made so much sense, how could they not go with me? Other places I knew, I was over/underqualified, whiffed on the interview, this one befuddled me. I would later get another job and they would invite me for another interview…figured.

I typically handle rejection well. The nerdy, fat black kid eventually understands not every woman likes special dark, and that everybody and they mama got a BBA I ain’t special. All I could do is focus on that one’s that do. Okay I’m lying to myself, there’s always something to the one that doesn’t. Especially when there really isn’t a legitimate reason. When my first girlfriend dumped me, she became my everything, I did everything to get her back and realize we had little in common, I had much higher aspirations, and I was doing a whole lot for very little in return. I didn’t want her, I wanted to be desired. And you and you and you and you gonna love me.

The hardest thing about rejection is just being wrong. No one goes into a relationship expecting it to end, no one expects Kobe Bryant to block your shot twice in exhibition game. It’s worse when you’re the one rejecting. Still a position I’m getting used to. I never quite say no, not to mislead that I’m too nice, but rather it’s my honest feelings on it. I take everything into consideration before making a decision, but when the decision turns out to be know, its “you could’ve been told me that”, just how I felt after that 3rd interview.

In my relationships, courtships, flings, I’m usually the one that ends things. It always leaves a bad taste because it’s rarely after a fight, it’s usually after days of reflection and then I decide, no more. Naturally, one would protest, but it’s all for naught, I’ve come to my decision and I’ve thought enough about it enough that I’m comfortable to be stubborn about it. At least to me, that makes perfect sense. No one ever sees things my way.

Roles reversed, I’d feel better comfortable if one actually thought their decision out instead of kneejerk. Decide we shouldn’t be together instead of chucking deuces after a spat. When me and “Miss” had our falling out, the way she saw it was what she said was the issue, thus leading to false hope that she can “fix” it, in actuality it was that I simply decided it wasn’t worth the friendship. Nothing said for or against would change it, but the way she sees it, I changed positions off one thing, I mustn’t been sincere. Or maybe she does know better, but it’s just easier to accept than me just deciding “no”. Easier to accept than putting yourself out there and not being accepted, I don’t know. Rejection sucks. From either side.

-Stan-

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