Monthly Archives: February 2013

Today’s Word is… MILF

And the F is for fu…..annn……see….fancy works right? Cool.

Summer 2008 or was it 2009, or was it winter time, ah nevermind.  I had just recently met “A” (I really named her a letter lol).  She was a few years older than me, but we hit it off nicely.  As time grew and we grew increasingly flirtatious, we ended up dating well not exclusively, I’m getting to that.   I had gone back to school, she had told me she was pregnant. We ain’t had sex yet.  She had reconnected with an ex and voila (mind you this happened like 2 weeks after I left, I mean we weren’t exclusive, but like, damn.)  There was an awkward period but pregnancy and all somehow we ended up kicking it still.  The father was in the picture, he was just a friend, I was just dumb.  Technically, I was just a friend, he was just dumb.   It was an frustrating situation, I tried to address it but she played the “I’m pregnant doe” every time.  Yada, yada, yada she has the baby, her ex has given up on trying to do right, he bows out, I win by default.  However, I was a 20 year old student, I wasn’t trying to be a father, I tried my best to keep whatever we had, as just whatever we had.  But what we had was different now, I didn’t have a summer fling anymore, I was seeing a single mother.

It was a struggle, while my summer was wide open hers understandably wasn’t.  Her babies father suddenly wasn’t free to take the baby especially knowing the reasons why.  We tried but ultimately it just didn’t work.  The entire experience left a sour taste in my mouth as I was strongly against dating mothers.   Strangely enough I would keep running into them, “Ms. Wit” being one, now I think about it that was probably the reason we never worked out.  She was a lot more free than “A” was, but in the back of my mind I just wasn’t trying to do that to myself again, so I ended up with a childless student who put 10 clubs and her roommates over me. I never win.

My position has since evolved, I’m not exactly chasing moms (though its a cruel deception how women seem to have cake when pushing a baby stroller, its not quite back of a motorcycle worthy but its a decent second) but I’ve been much more open to it than in the past.  Dated a few, and in my other experiences with mothers I found they didn’t work because…

She wasn’t over it- Thats the main issue I’ve had with single mothers, they’re not quite over him or even the situation itself.  Whether it was an ex, one night, some dude you expected to stay, take the time to get over it.  “A” never took the time to assess the situation and wung it to mine and his dismay.  She’s now in a relationship that wouldn’t have worked 2-3 years ago.  I have another friend who’s baby’s father was never in the picture, but still needs time to get over the situation.  Like any relationship, there needs to be some sort of closure.

“You don’t get it”-  I hate when a woman is freaked out about something, I try to console and I’m hit with the “you don’t get it”.  Single mothers thats x100 as she may recall I’m a man, I will never get knocked up and have my own child. That is science.   Isolating me by emphasizing how alone you are is only going to leave you alone.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Bad mother- One of the things about seeing a single mother is she’s already shone in a mothering light.  Even if it’s not my child, seeing yours in dirty clothes before we hit the town isn’t a good look.  Hearing you curse in the background of the phone, not a good look.  Cooking us dinner and the kids eating ramen (this last one didn’t happen to me but a friend, I’ve never dated anyone THAT bad)gonna send me running

No time for me- I understand at best I’m gunning to be person 1-B in your life, but there’s limits.  I’m not a clingy person by any means, honestly I’m more a convenient dater so if I seriously find issue with finding time. There’s a problem.

Then of course there are the perks as well…

Bigger breasts, hips and it get wette…  She appreciates the little things- Quick coffee dates, quiet nights in, just enjoying another adult’s company means a lot more to single mothers that other ungrateful muhfuggas

Not worried about the little things- Well some single mothers have enough on their plate, they not reading twitter timelines and facebook feeds looking for reasons to fight.  They not stewing over petty arguments for days (okay im lying yes they are, all women do)

Maturity- Again have to say some cuz sadly I know plenty exceptions, but a single mother typically is more mature, not in the club, not posting thirst traps on Instagram,  she understands she has to set an example and usually its a better one than her peers.  *scrolls facebook feed* Okay maybe not.

So as open the dating window a little more potential mates in, who knows if I end up somebody’s stepfather, well I got a few years to explore. If I’m 30+ still single, I will just take over some family like Stephen A. Smith took over First Take.

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Today’s Word is… REJECTION

It was summertime, I had went on an interview with this accounting firm, conveniently in the next town over. We had exchanged emails, had 2 phone interviews, now it was the face to face, no catfish. The interview went well, extremely well, He basically said they have to finish the background checks but more likely than not expect to hear from him this week. I all but thought I was hired. The next morning I get a email, they are moving forward with another candidate. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh. I’ve been on plenty interviews, been plenty rejected but this one stung. I made so much sense, how could they not go with me? Other places I knew, I was over/underqualified, whiffed on the interview, this one befuddled me. I would later get another job and they would invite me for another interview…figured.

I typically handle rejection well. The nerdy, fat black kid eventually understands not every woman likes special dark, and that everybody and they mama got a BBA I ain’t special. All I could do is focus on that one’s that do. Okay I’m lying to myself, there’s always something to the one that doesn’t. Especially when there really isn’t a legitimate reason. When my first girlfriend dumped me, she became my everything, I did everything to get her back and realize we had little in common, I had much higher aspirations, and I was doing a whole lot for very little in return. I didn’t want her, I wanted to be desired. And you and you and you and you gonna love me.

The hardest thing about rejection is just being wrong. No one goes into a relationship expecting it to end, no one expects Kobe Bryant to block your shot twice in exhibition game. It’s worse when you’re the one rejecting. Still a position I’m getting used to. I never quite say no, not to mislead that I’m too nice, but rather it’s my honest feelings on it. I take everything into consideration before making a decision, but when the decision turns out to be know, its “you could’ve been told me that”, just how I felt after that 3rd interview.

In my relationships, courtships, flings, I’m usually the one that ends things. It always leaves a bad taste because it’s rarely after a fight, it’s usually after days of reflection and then I decide, no more. Naturally, one would protest, but it’s all for naught, I’ve come to my decision and I’ve thought enough about it enough that I’m comfortable to be stubborn about it. At least to me, that makes perfect sense. No one ever sees things my way.

Roles reversed, I’d feel better comfortable if one actually thought their decision out instead of kneejerk. Decide we shouldn’t be together instead of chucking deuces after a spat. When me and “Miss” had our falling out, the way she saw it was what she said was the issue, thus leading to false hope that she can “fix” it, in actuality it was that I simply decided it wasn’t worth the friendship. Nothing said for or against would change it, but the way she sees it, I changed positions off one thing, I mustn’t been sincere. Or maybe she does know better, but it’s just easier to accept than me just deciding “no”. Easier to accept than putting yourself out there and not being accepted, I don’t know. Rejection sucks. From either side.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… JEALOUS

I was grabbing coffee with “coworker”, she runs into an old friend.  They talk, flirt what have you, I’m chilling sipping my coffee, I’m apparently invisible and whatnot.  He goes about his business, she can see me again, She apologizes  immediately explains who he is.  I don’t care. She seems a little peeved I don’t care,  She goes on explaining how she would feel if roles reversed and I could’ve brought up the whole incident at the mixer but decided not to.  Instead I countered 1. We’re friends 2. Stan Gemini (well I used my actual government name) doesn’t get jealous. “All men say that but be the first one acting crazy”.  She started to tell a story about a jealous guy she dated, I can’t say I was listening fully.  He did something reckless and I thought would I ever be pushed to such foolery.  She smiled as she recalled, while it was stupid, she felt special, even in reminiscing I could see that.

I find jealousy more annoyance than flattering.  Mostly because it’s usually over something that ain’t that serious.  Whether it’s an extra cookie or a friendly event planner I forgot to call.  Jealousy is typically based off things you can’t control anyway and if you can, then just do it and you would have nothing to worry about, hakuna mutata.    But of course, people never see things the way I do.  They want to be able to reassure, and laugh at your foolishness, they want jealousy (in moderation).

I try to appease but I can’t, logic just wins every time.  You and I both know he has no shot, and if he does then it’s out of my control anyway, why react?  Besides that I’m weird, When I get angry, I get rude and sarcastic and make fun of you until I feel better. I used to laugh at “She’s” other suitors, like is that my competition? Cool.  Or Maybe it’s not logic, it’s arrogance.  Shrug life.

It wasn’t always that way, however.  Younger me was definitely the jealous type, but still too proud to show it.  Me and “Her” had more of an assumed relationship, so the prospect of her moving on was always there.  There was one guy in particular her friends brother who was clearly more convenient than I who was away at school.  They had been off/on before I came into the picture, and to her credit, she did kinda go back and forth between us.  While I was clearly the better option, he had history on his side something I just couldn’t match. She was my first love, I her second.  For a while, I let that eat at me, tried to control something I couldn’t, the past.  I became creepy and possessive, it went from cutesy to out of hand.  I was so scared of losing her I gave her away.  Convinced myself it was what she wanted anyway.

It all came full circle, as my later girlfriends would feel that same type of way about me and her…I never win. Anyway, where is the line drawn between taken for granted and insecurity, jealousy and genuine feelings of concern? I think I’m right in the middle (well it’s my blog I’m always gonna take my side), while I’m not the jealous type I’m not completely oblivious to the fact that I’m not the only person who sees the awesomeness in my boo/girl/friend. Flirt, check her out, ask for her number in a coffee shop like you already knew we weren’t together, I’m chilling. I pick my women wisely (give or take a few) so it’s basically pulling a sword from the stone.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… VALENTINE

I actually like Valentine’s Day.  Whether I’m lonely, taken or juggling, there’s just an innocence to the day I enjoy. I’ve never been one of those single people who protested the very existence of the day, just as I am a non smoker I see no reason to hate of 4/20.  The common objection is that love should be cherished and celebrated 24/7, true, however we should be thankful everyday and yet celebrate Thanksgiving.  Despite the over-commercialism of the day, it is still indeed a day of love, I just cannot find too many faults in that.  Valentine’s Day has all but been hi-jacked from the women, men are pretty much expected to just take the ego boost and the sex he would’ve gotten anyway.  Men typically act like they don’t care for the day, because a grown man being upset about Valentine’s Day has to be a level 10 man law violation, but back in the back of their heads, behind missing football, NBA All Star Weekend, bacon, and boobs we care. A little.  But for myself, I can say I like Valentine’s Day primarily because…

still better than Applebees on V-Day

5. Mutual gifts- I will eat your fruit/chocolate, enjoy you in your lingerie, eat the same food I’ve prepared/bought (because I hate restaurants on  V-Day you come across some of the most appalling service) and bask in your glow when you open your present.  Last year my valentine even bought me a gift, a basketball, it was the wrong size and I had to exchange it but I was still shocked I actually got anything.

4. Brownie Points- A relationship is full of ups and downs, and I’ve heard that I might possibly not be the greatest guy to deal with, I need all the ups I can get.  When I inevitably piss her off, I want her to remember why she puts up with me (of course this doesn’t always work, I done been dumped on Valentines day, after dinners, after shopping, i’ve had a disastrous dating life so far)

3. Boasting- I’m a showoff.   I’m not about to spend my tax refund on her gift but I will be as public as possible.  I will send an edible arrangement (which are extremely overrated as well but what I hate more is giving flowers, I’d buy a rose plant than a bouquet, why waste money on something that will die), I will walk down the street holding a big ass bear with Meek Mill “I’ma Boss” blasting.  There’s a difference between posting everything you do online and just doing so publicly, online implies you want people to know; it reeks of overcompensation.

2. Make her happy- You can wage war on Hallmark, western civilization, Godiva and Mars candy company, but at the end of the day, if she cares about Valentines Day, you have to pretend to.  But that’s pretty much the standard for anyone in a relationship, building a tolerance to do a bunch of crap you really see no point in, like buying a Keurig when you already own a perfectly good 10 cup coffemaker

1. Celebrate Love- Contrary to popular belief, we don’t always set aside time to just bask in ones adoration.  Valentine’s Day as silly of a custom as it may be, is the day to do just that.   It shouldn’t be a chore, and if it is you should really evaluate if said person is the one for you.  Money isn’t the issue, you can get a card and make breakfast in bed and still show the same message.

Happy Valentine’s Day

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… APOLOGIZE

One of my favorite Kanye songs is a little known track called “Apologize” off his debut mixtape Freshman Adjustment.  It’s vintage Ye, soul sample, witty lyrics, even a not too shabby job singing the hook with no autotune. Oh the simple times.  I was disappointed when it didn’t make the actual album but if he can take “Home” off that same mixtape and revive it (even if Coldplay ruined it) there’s still chance he can remaster and release this someday even if he gave the beat to Missy and Monica.  Anyway, what stands out about the song is its a rarity when a man actually takes accountability for his gender as a whole.  Hell, even I consider myself a different caliber of man than some of these overprocreating, women beating, adulterous, irresponsible ones that’s plaguing the dating market.  And contrary to the media, the divide isn’t race based, there’s some awful white guys out here too.

Apologize stands out because rather than Ye throwing on a cape and playing Captain SaveaHeaux like Ne-Yo (seriously dude writes two different songs called Let Me Love You…he’s the Super Captain). He takes a different approach, he’s not perfect but he’s a healthy alternative. This song popped right in my head midway through the Daughter post. There’s so many great, sweet, beautiful women out there, I’m one guy. Maybe there’s an army of good dudes trapped underground while Banes run the city, otherwise I’m on my own I guess. But I guess that is too Captain SaveaHeauxish to simply want to be with every one. Or polygamist. I don’t know.

I was talking to “Her” (Yeah Idk how it happened either) and she was telling me about a guy from what I can tell, don’t want her. She tossed in a shot about how I don’t want her either, how it must be her. Another friend, can’t keep a man longer than a few months. Then there’s the women I’m talking to but we’re not quite at that level yet. There’s my neighbors, coworkers, followers, readers, I’m surrounded by a plethora of seemingly good quality yet single women. Are men really that greedy? Like I said I’m one guy, I can only have one. The rest are left wondering what’s rotten in the state of Denmark.

In the song, the woman went from bicuriousity to focusing on her grind as the alternative to the frustrations behind dating. In real life it’s almost the same, women are just flat out done unless a Ne-Yo swoops in and loves them until they learn to love themselves. Cinderella never says what happened to the women who got all dolled up for the Prince and shoved that glass shoe on they foot only to end up as single as they were 2 days ago. Who knows what will become of the women of my past when I find a cutie pie with whom I wanna be. I guess when you do find that one, you don’t care, or maybe you do but not as much as you do for her.

Compassions aside, at the end of the day you can only change one mind, one heart at a time. Try to do more and you’re no different than every other guy, perhaps even worse because you think you’re helping. The knight in shining armor comes on a horse for one more not a caravan (no more metaphors I swear). The best you can do is find one and getting as far away from the ravenous dating market as you can and the rest, Well, they are just going to have to improvise.

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Today’s Word is… SUPER

Seriously why isn’t the day after Superbowl a holiday?  I’ll take Super Monday and give back Columbus Day, all he did was enslave a nation by accident.  How about we just move President’s Day up, kids don’t need a February break, pray for snow days.  Hell I live in Boston where we managed to make St. Patrick’s Day a holiday and we get a three day weekend in June for reasons no one quite understands, I’m sure we can pull this off. (Okay I do know the significance of Bunker Hill Day but still doesn’t mean the holiday isn’t bull, they can trade that with Juneteenth which is my birthday so i take it off anyway).  Okay I’m rambling.  So the Baltimore Ravens are the Superbowl champions, congrats to Ravens fans, players, David Simon and the cast of the Wire.   As you know I’m a diehard Patriots fan so I don’t care, though I found myself rooting for the 49ers, as my football allegiances go:

Pats > team with brother under center > team with brother as coach #noharbaugh > 10+ pt underdogs > Anyone against the Chargers or Jets

I like Colin Kaepernick, he’s fearless but not in a Tony Romo/Michael Vick doing too way too much way.  It’d be cool to see them back, where they’ll lose to the Patriots…I hope.

Anyway, the day after the Superbowl is the most unproductive workday besides the opening of March Madness. Why? Because everyone will be talking all about the game, Beyonce, blackouts and retirements oh my?  So with that I leave my final 47 observations (yes 47) about Superbowl 47

47. If the “Harbaugh Bowl” is any indication, I do NOT want Peyton vs Eli.

46. Jacoby Jones or the blackout should’ve been MVP

No. 45

45. Ed Reed looks like Django, think I’ma call him Edjango Reed until he grooms himself

44.Edjango Reed wore a yoga sweatband and dared anyone to say something to him

43. If the Chargers stop the Ravens on a 4th and 29, they dont even make the playoffs

42. I hate the Chargers so much, when they inevitably move to LA i think i’ll hate them more

41. Jacoby Jones been practicing endzone dances for 2 weeks

No. 40

40. Joe Flacco looks like a whiter Drake

39. Drake’s new song is terrible, just thought I throw that in

38. If Destiny’s Child replaced Michelle with Latoya from the original group I’d pay to see them on tour

37.  GoDaddy’s commercial was disgusting

36. I truly hope it snows in NY/NJ for next year’s Superbowl

35. Wish adverstisers and TV shows would stop putting hashtags, we make our own trends

34. The NFL got power to the New Orleans faster than FEMA did

33. Rich people trapped in the Superdome while the middle class watches from home….fitting.

32. Kelly Rowland’s thighs shine bright like a diamond

No. 31

31. I’d go cornball brother for Kat Dennings

30. My new e-crush is a Niners fan maybe I should check on her

29. I’m completely over Jennifer Hudson

28. Thank God this was the first football game I could watch without seeing an ad for “Identity Thief”

27. Oh yeah she’s on Mike and Molly

26. Bridesmaids wasn’t that funny

25. So is The Rock a face or heel in Fast 6?

No. 24

24. The Rock has 3 movies coming out and still the WWE Champion, he’s putting on for the kinda blacks

23. Speaking of kinda blacks, Colin Kaepernick has great resiliency

22. For this to be the “Ray Lewis Superbowl” I didn’t see him do a thing ON the field

21. Anquan Boldin is a man amongst boys

20. Randy Moss is a man amongst boys, but Jim Harbaugh doesn’t think so

19. Whatever happened with that Michael Crabtree sexual assault case

18. Beyonce’s dutty wining brought me all the way back to 2006….good times

17. Jay is going to use Bey shutting down the Super Bowl in a verse

16.  4 million an ad, and there wasn’t anything advertised I would actually buy, maybe the new Budweiser

15. If the Patriots were playing Twitter would be blaming Belichick for the blackout

14. Why pick up Randy Moss if you’re not going to throw to him in end zone situations, its like Tebow all over again

13.  RGIII took his buzz, Ray Lewis took his faith, Tebowmania is really dead

12. How epic does Iron Man 3 look

11. Given the awfulness of Spiderman 3 & X-Men 3, I’ll curb my enthusiasm…slightly

No. 10

10. Kanye West or Jay for next years Halftime Show

9. There were 2-3 songs where Bey completely lost me, I really dont pay enough attention to her musically

8. Superbowl tweets > Superbowl Ads

7. Flacco is going to get paid and regress worse than Drew Brees did

No. 6

6. Me and Ray Rice have a similar build, i need to google his workout regimen

5.  Alicia Keys couldn’t hit that note on Brave but played it off nicely

4. That was horrible play calling by Harbaugh (the red one) at the end…he was Andy Reid-esque

3. I can’t wait to see how NFL Films covers the blackout…RIP Steve Sabol

2. The Sandy Hook chorus…wow.

1. Football is really gone til August *cries Ray Lewis tears*

Football gone…

And with that I close the book on another NFL season, but seriously what the hell am I supposed to do on Sundays?  I really think its time for a girlfriend.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… NICE

So I’m just browsing on Instagram, my friend, umm bout time she got a nickname “Amiga” posts a picture of her and her homegirl.  I commented that they looked cute, the friend responds and we have a small friendly conversation via the comments.  “Amiga” calls me, “cut the sh t”.  Well, hello to you too.  She strongly opposes any union between her and her friend, obviously she wouldn’t want her two best friends to hook up for obvious reasons but it was interesting that she made it seem like she was protecting HER from me, I’m the good one.

“I was just responding to a comment, but even so what’s wrong with me I’m a nice guy”

“You’re too nice”

“So you want her with a jerk”

“You are a jerk Tristan, you’re just nice about it”

She went in, on how I act oblivious to my affect on other people.   Apparently, I make people fall for me when I have no intention of catching them. It sort of brought me back to my flirting post, is even being nice misleading?  The bar can’t be set THAT low can it?

Sidebar: Marley was a married man with 1000 illegitimate kids

“Amiga” brought up how there isn’t much difference from the way I treat a woman whether its her, a girlfriend, ex, or waitress.  Ironically enough, everyone still swears I treat a better than b. My life.  But anyway according to her, as long as I have my charm on hundred thousand trillion, I will always come off as someone who wants more than I’m intending.  Then when I don’t turn out to be anything more than just a nice guy, I’m just a jerk. Logic is fun.  I sincerely want to maintain a friendship when the relationship doesn’t work out, I enjoy making the cute cashier blush, is that so wrong?  But as I said the other day, my biggest problem will always be I assume everyone understands me.

Amiga does. Over the years she’s become immune to it, I can call her beautiful and she’ll respond with shut up.  Although there were times where we might could’ve been something but one of us always backed out.  No one else doesn’t understand this nice by default nature so the way they see it, Oooh I think he likes me.   But then when I actually don’t like them, they are completely mindfcuked and suddenly I’m the jerk who doesn’t know what he wants. Whatever.

However, this is all an interesting perspective seeing as I spent other posts like this, that, and others talking about how the nice guy stays losing.  The nice guy finishes last, the nice guy gets friend zoned, the nice guy is too safe.  But maybe it’s all a cover.  Are nice guys just jerks in shining armor?  How is it being nice at 18 got me called “bestie” and “brother” now at 24 gets me called “jerk” and “player”?  Simple, when a one wants something even the slightest gesture means everything.  I remember I had a big crush on a girl in my class, we actually were pretty cool but in my mind it had to be more.  Every hug, status, dance I felt was drawing me closer to her, she disclosed to me she had a crush on someone as well….my boy. Damn tease, let his underachieving ass tutor you then.  I kid, we’re all still cool.

As great as friends are, it will always be a downgrade if you truly have stronger feelings.  It’s frustrating because even as you try to hate them, you really have no reason to be.   They aren’t in control of your feelings.  Amiga says I’m a “nice” jerk because I insist on being nice even though I know I’m probably doing more harm than good, killing them with kindness in a way.  She had a point with exes but people I’ve never been involved with I don’t see the logic.  You can’t control who falls for you? Can you?

-Stan-

 

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