My homegirl was complaining to me about her man, asking me what should she do. She knows I hate giving advice and I’m only going to give a vague Yoda-fortune cookie-horoscopy answer. The basics of it is, he’s pseudo committed to her, won’t make time for her, won’t leave them Instagram chicks alone, c’est la vie.
“I really like him”
“He must be great them two hours a day y’all talk”
“You’re an a**hole”
“Noted. But anyway if he makes you happy be with him and lower your expectations”
“What do you mean”
*music starts, I perform a big song and dance and by the end she gets it*
No it didn’t happen like that. if only life was like a Disney movie, they never explain ish just sing a song and it sinks in. Instead, I explained how she was shooting 3 pointers with Dwight Howard. She’s not a sports fan at all but at least knows Dwight Howard sucks #LOLakers. But anyway, she didn’t agree with my premise that he’ll never amount to anything than flattery and a good time. She thinks she can change him, make him into the perfect boyfriend but we been over that. What we haven’t been over is the forgotten piece in most relationships: Expectations.
Never fails, ask a woman what type of man she wants, I get the same cliche, sweet, caring, funny, employed…Then I say “Sounds like me” “Oh is that right” Game. Set. Match. But she’s full of it, if everyone wanted that cliche guy nobody would be single and the relationship industry wouldn’t be skyrocketing. Men and women are afraid to say what they truly want, because they know What’s right before them isn’t it, and that means 6 more weeks of winter. My friend knows she has no business with ol boy but what’s the alternative? The last guy she poured her heart to told her he couldn’t reciprocate those feelings, his name was Stan I think, that jerk. Shrug life.
I think I have reasonable expectations, which is why I have little to no tolerance for anything but. “Miss” pointed out I’ve been dating for 499 years now and no one has been able to fill the shoes left by “She”. Perhaps because she raised the expectation level, there were things I tolerated from her I will not accept from the next, I’m also at a different place where I expect my next relationship to be going not where me and her were but beyond. And well, I browsed for rings at one point. Not to say I expect to marry my next girlfriend, that would send em running (Well not really, it’s different for men, I could probably propose to 10 women today and get at least 6 Yeses, it’s rough out here) however in reality a relationship can pretty much only end in a breakup (death included) or a marriage there’s kinda no way around it.
Expectations are like insurance no one really pays attention until something happens. We all know the basics don’t cheat, giving is better than receiving ;), communication. But what about other things ain’t nobody got time for? I feel like the key to any relationship is the initial screening process. Finding what you truly offer, what you truly want and pursuing only that. I almost might could know what I want now, then on the search phase.