[Editor’s Note: 30 posts in 30 days. Going forward, I will go back to my regular posting schedule, which is typically whenever I feel like it. I had fun with this challenge, there were hits and misses, personal and light, improvisations and months old drafts I finally finished. I thank the readers new, old ones and accidental. Wordpress for reactivating my blog, I’m not sure if you noticed but WordPress flagged my blog for TOS violations it was shut down for a day, I almost had to take my talents to Blogspot. But anyway back to your regularly scheduled program]
Women tend to date who they think that person might be, men date for who you are now.
Some of my relationships failed because I didn’t turn out to be who they wanted. Some of my relationships never got off the ground because I didn’t show I could be the person they wanted. I never win. Women take potential very seriously in relationships, ultimately they want the big payoff, the ring, the house, the pretty babies. Men take potential seriously as well , we want the picture to match the person, bedroom moves to match the dance floor, the jeans in 2012 to fit in 2013. Kidding. Partially. Part of this just comes from the courting process, men tend to sell long term while women show you what they have right now. For example, I’m not much, but I might could almost become something later. Currently, I flirt a lot, I’m stubborn, I make a modest living. But I’m also educated, sweet, growing and have pretty features. 26-27 year old me is going to be a hot ticket, 24 year old me…enh not so much. The thing is I’m open now for to any attractive woman my type with green grapes, do you take the chance now or tell me come back in 2-3 years. Actually I’m not trying to be somebody’s build a bear boyfriend, give me some time and I’ll find you.
Nonetheless, I’ve dated women who took on the challenge of changing me to mixed results. I’d like to think my maturity, sense of style, and communication skills came with age but I guess a little bits of each relationship rubbed off on me. Just as I’m sure bits of me rubbed on them. But I can’t say I’ve ever gone into a relationship thinking if I can get her a better job, convince her to stop wearing her hair like that, teach her a thing or two about wine, get her to stop rocking sneakers (okay I have done that), I have something to work with. Men teach their girlfriends things but it’s usually to their own benefit.
Perhaps we’re cynical, greedy or impatient, but you rarely see a man waiting for what a woman might become. Men perhaps should explore potential more instead of going for the now, but instead we take what we can get now, if it doesn’t work, chalk it up to “poor timing”. For example, the other day I spoke about age relationships, I didn’t mention one girl I dated I broke up with her for being too immature, we remained civil. She’s grown to be one of my closest friends and probably someone I would date if I completely met her off the street tomorrow. I didn’t care to stick it out with her (it was a really petty break up), honestly I didn’t care to be her friend but (she stuck around anyway), and look what we’ve become, perhaps if I wasn’t so impatient things would’ve been different. But I don’t even look her in that light anymore. For the most part. I think. She has a build a bear boyfriend herself, she’s constantly trying to push him but he’s not budging. She’s put so much into it, she’ll be damned if she doesn’t get the payout. Personally I think she subtly wants him to be me, or maybe I’m just full of myself.
Potential can also become addicting, while men rather build cars, women want to build men. Aren’t those called sons? Anyway, women fall in love with the idea of building. Men not so much. Women aspire to be Michelle Obama, the gold standard of a woman pushing her man to greatness (although he was a Harvard Law student, rusted car or not, there wasn’t too much risk on him). Men aren’t out here aspiring to be Stedman or Todd Palin (well I’ll be Stedman, #cashingout). Some men want women to make them better, others don’t want to change. Some women are all for growth, others are quick to tell a man to go on and find some other girl. It starts within, really. People change when they A) see the need to B) want to for you.
One should always aim to better themselves and the one they are with, but also know the limits. They’re supporting and there’s enabling, motivating and nagging, conceding and settling. I know people who are “holding their man down” by paying his bills and buying his clothes, others who were left because they was too controlling, and also some who are just flat out unhappy in their relationship but won’t do anything about it
but cheat. If the basis of a relationship is all about what one could be, or where it might go then it’s doomed to fail. Potential is cool but there has to be actions that support it. Otherwise, you’re just chasing promises and promises are pretty hard to catch.