Now, in my experience when an ex needed to talk, it was a pregnancy scare, needing closure, or wanting my permission to date my boy. So I started counting back months, crossed my fingers and called.
So it turned out her friends cat had a litter of kittens and needed to unload some, ummm cool story. They’ve tried but there’s still 3-4 left and are reaching out to anyone with space….
uh oh I see where this is going…
“can you take 2 until we find owners?”
“My apartment doesn’t allow pets”
“Doesn’t the guy downstairs have a dog”
“Thats a dog and he’s not even allowed to have it”
“Doesn’t the one across the hall have a cat”
“My apartment is too small for two cats”
“Just take one, until we find another owner or you can find one..pleeeeeease we don’t know who else to ask”
And with that enters Brady (if I’m going to have a furball, it’s going to at least be named after the greatest QB of my time), a I think it’s like 12 weeks old now I’m not a cat person, Maine coon kitten sent from the depths of hell. I’ve had him for a month of so, almost found a home a few times but one changed their mind, another didn’t want to pay a rehoming fee, and the other wanted me to bring it 2 hours away (I don’t deliver, #digiorno). I think it was all an evil ploy by “She”, try to throw off my game, single men with cats are usually perceived as gay, secretly married or serial killers. Also she knows firsthand how much I value my stuff and has sent Brady to destroy it from the inside Trojan Horse style. But at least he doesn’t use my brush, talk during Pardon the Interruption and say he’s not hungry but then proceeds to pick off my plate and out the pan for 10 minutes, so for now he’s an upgrade as a roommate. I was telling my friend about this unfortunate turn of events and she laughed and said honestly a cat fits my personality, in the sense I’m lazy, low maintenance and only want attention when I’m bored. Another friend shared a similar sentiment also throwing in responsible and caring. My boy basically went way left saying that it was my way of holding on the her, which isn’t true I would’ve done it for anyone. Another said f*** that leave the door open and let fate drive. I laughed, admittedly considered it but for now I’m still a single man with a cat. This can potentially alter the dynamics of my dating life.
I needed to test on objective parties. I broke the news to a boo (leaving the part where i did it as a favor to my ex of course), she wanted to say something but didn’t so I used the serial killer line and she agreed wholeheartedly. Another had a “to each his own I guess” reaction. An e-boo thought it was sweet I was helping out a friend (exactly, only took 7 people to get it) and that she liked that I was secure with myself. Then another girl cosigned the low maintenance part, she don’t know me like that, who she think she is? Anyway, men with cats do get a bad rep and as a temporary member I guess I have to defend. I don’t need to walk around with a rottweiler like I’m Nino Brown to overcompensate, or use a dog as a wingman if I see a cute girl (actually that is the only reason a dog would come in handy).
Side eye me if I start carrying a picture in my wallet, join a pet forum (although I do google a lot of stuff, like why it keeps going to town on its tail, or when they start shedding fur because hopefully he’s gone by then), start dressing it or actually own more than one (one cat is low maintenance, two cats is just creepy). Cat or not I’m far from the cliche man anyways; sure I love beer, sports, boobs, have facial hair and hate everything that Nicholas Sparks ever wrote, but also I blog, I read books, watch what I eat, listen to R&B, and I like turkey bacon. I am who I am. I’m not a cat owner tho.