That awkward moment when you google “hustler” for a main image for this post and you forgot all about Hustler magazine. That awkwarder moment when you make a random cameo on Facebook and are bombarded with FB chats. One from a friend with a Gucci watch for sale, I don’t even wanna know how he got it, another asking me to check out his music on Youtube, and another from an old colleague asking me to check out his site. I was only on to steal one of my father’s old army photos for a Veteran’s Day post. Sheesh. It seems everyone has some kind of side hustle these days, except me. I had a big hustler spirit myself at one point, although I never cared to sell drugs the risk and profit didn’t seem worth it. Instead I developed a network of side hustles in addition to a part time job to keep me afloat. I sold bootleg CDs , my artwork, had 3 blogs, ghostwrote homework, ran a ghetto depository and repaired electronics. These days, I’m still a jack of all trades but still master of none, I just can’t seem to take a leap on anything. Now I look back and wonder where did that spirit go? Have I lost my sense of wonder? Am I a realist or just someone who’s scared to dream?
My first issue is I never put myself out there. Perhaps I’m too humble. I was the one the slyly slid my 100% tests in my bag as my friends all talked about how bad they did. Most of my talents are hidden unless you really know me, or you’re one of those dates that asks “tell me something I don’t know about you” and I have nothing to say so then I’ll talk about my brief freelance art career or that I write. Or maybe I’m too self conscious. I rarely let people in on my plans until they’re done, that way no one can know if I failed or not. I don’t want to be asked about that girl I was seeing, or wasn’t you trying to lose weight or how’s the new job search going. More dreams fail than succeed, I rather you not know I was even trying than know I failed. <insert quote about failing vs not trying> yeah yeah whatever.
I also lack focus. There’s so much I want to do I end up doing nothing. When I was a kid I dreamed of being a writer or a cartoonist or creating my own animated cartoon which was like the equivalent of both my dreams having a baby. My mother knew I was going to be an engineer. My teachers foresaw politics. My father envisioned my designing video games. The hood had me down for lawyer. I ended up in finance. I love to write but I can’t see it becoming my career, I dropped engineering as my major on my 3rd day, awkward teen years killed the charisma I had as a kid, video games are a lot harder than they look and I never had any real interest in law, they just wanted me to be a black Maurice Levy. Sure I can attend Devry University, write a book, get rich, go to law school, then run for office and make my children fulfill their grandmother’s prophecy but the odds of that is slim. People barely buy books anymore. Maybe a graphic novel, but I suck at drawing the same thing over and over, they’ll stop looking alike by halfway through, okay I’m rambling…point is I need to find a hustle and stick with it.
I’m young, ambitious and no mouths to feed but my own, so I’m still playing with house money. I’m sure eventually I’ll develop something I’m passionate enough about that I’d overcome humility and doubt and just go for it. Maybe I’m just waiting for that tag team partner or for the perfect opportunity to fall in my lap *crosses fingers*. Until then, my plan to take over the world remains under wraps. *evil handrubs*